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Thread: I have a crush on a coworker. Is this a good sign or is he just being friendly?

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    Question I have a crush on a coworker. Is this a good sign or is he just being friendly?

    I need an external point of view...

    I have a crush on a coworker. We've been working on the same floor for two years, but he recently joined my team. I've never had the chance to talk to him until now. I must admit I'm totally charmed. TOTALLY!!! However, I'm not sure he feels the same way. I would like to know what you guys think of the following situation:

    Friday afternoon, him, me, two other coworkers and our team leader were having a discussion about random subjects. (It was mostly us getting to know him and him talking about his life.) At some point, I kind of became distant. I don't know why. It's like I wanted to distance myself. So, I kept looking away and getting lost in my thoughts. I occasionally turned my head to look at him while he was talking to our team leader. He put his eyes on me really often while he was talking to her. He looked at me more than he looked at the other coworkers too even though they were also listening to him talking. Then, while he was still talking to our team leader and I was still looking away because I was still lost in my thoughts, he jokingly said: "Sorry Tania! I guess he prefers Spanish to French!" (All my coworkers are English and I'm French.) As he said my name, I turned to look at him all surprised and wondered why I was suddenly part of the conversation. I just laughed and said: "It's okay! "

    Does that mean anything? I wasn't part of the conversation he was having with our team leader. He was talking to her about x subject and I wasn't fully listening to the conversation. I was even looking away when he randomly said my name. So, why did he make me part of the conversation by joking about me? I was kind of happy he did that, but... is that really a good sign? I'm probably not objective because I like him. As well, he's really friendly with everyone. So, it's so hard to tell whether he likes me or he is just being friendly with me as well.

    Thanks!

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    Platinum Member LDRohnos's Avatar
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    Seems to me that he was just trying to make you a part of a conversation. I'd probably do the same thing.
    "I am one of those Melodramatic fools, Neurotic to the bone. No doubt about it."

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    Quote Originally Posted by LDRohnos View Post
    Seems to me that he was just trying to make you a part of a conversation. I'd probably do the same thing.
    I agree. I would imagine he probably feels that you aren't impressed by him.

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    That's not good. Why would he want to impress me then? On another note, what are some signs I should look for to know if he likes instead of just being friendly?

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    When you are joining a team you want to be accepted by everyone if possible - if someone seems to be ignoring you then the natural tendency is to try and get their attention so you feel properly included in the group. It isn't that he wanted to impress you per se.

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    It is definitely too soon to really be able to read his behavior. Get to know him, be nice and friendly and if it seems appropriate flirt a little once you get a little more comfortable. Maybe invite him to coffee or lunch sometime if that is possible.

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    Member admitone's Avatar
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    It seems to me that he was simply trying to include you in the conversation as you appeared to be disengaged. On a side note I always recommend being very, very careful about getting into relationships with colleagues. More often than not it can lead to awakardness, anger, resentment, unhealthy competitiveness and possibly worse. Sometimes these things just happen but I have terminated people over conduct that occured at work as the result of a relationship gone bad. Good luck!

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    Thanks to all of you. I think you are right. He is probably just being friendly. I tried to subtly flirt with him today, but I failed. I think it's now clear that there isn't anything there.

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    I don't understand why you "became distant." Is that a flirtation trick or something? or do you just suddenly and involuntarily become distant when guys are talking to you?

    If you're a decent looking female and have no serious deformities (like 6 fingers or a tail or something), then you can always assume a man is somewhat interested. Based on your post, you've made no effort whatsoever to "charm" him. You've only (inexplicably) acted "distant." And I don't even know what "subtly flirted" means. LOL.

    Just flirt with him--UNsubtly!--the next time you see him. You women are really good at making us guys feel like we're important: laugh when he says something (even if it's not funny); twirl your hair...etc. etc.

    It's not hard at all for even a semi-attractive female to get a guy interested. We're pretty simple creatures.

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    So... here's a little update. I feel so ashamed. Oh my god...

    Yesterday afternoon, I sent him an e-mail at work. Here's the context. In our team, when it's someone's birthday, we get them a cake. We have sheet with people's birthdays. So, here's how the conversation started. (And I admit I was looking for an excuse to talk to him)

    Me: When you have the time, you should update this sheet with your birthday.
    I know that it was your birthday not that long ago, but we never know...
    You might still be in the team next year. So, it's still good to update it.
    How old are you anyway? Is it too personal to ask?
    I'm just curious because I'm not good at guessing people's age.

    Him: I'm 32, but with the brain of a 2 years old.

    Me: Ahaha! Nothing wrong with that.
    I actually think it's a good thing. I find you very funny.

    Him: As long as you don't laugh at me!

    Me: I would never do that... unless you start singing again, ahah!
    I thought you were older than you are, but I mean this in a good way.

    Him: I do look older, but it's all wisdom!

    Me: Oh, I see! That's what it is.
    Well, wisdom looks really good on you.

    Him: In that case, I will have to try to gain more.

    Me: I don't think you need more. You look really good already.
    And it might just make it more difficult for me if you try to gain more.

    After that last e-mail I sent, I shut down my computer because it was time to go home. But while I was putting my coat on, he came by. Well... It was kind of strange. We looked at each other and then I looked elsewhere. I had to get my purse and I was so nervous. Then, he said: "It's time to go home?" I said: "Yes... if I can just get my purse out of my desk." He walked to the other desk where two other of our coworkers were. He asked if I was off tomorrow (meaning today) and I said I would be in. We all said goodbye. (Him, me and the two other coworkers) I didn't really know what to think, but I was looking forward to seeing how he would act with me today. Well, it was quiet when he got to work. (I start at 7 and he starts at 8.) I was kind of disappointed. He walked in front of my desk to go to the printer and said nothing. But when he walked back again, he shouted: "Good morning Tania!" Usually, he doesn't say good morning to me. Later on, I was standing up and shouting something to our team leader. While I was doing that, he walked in front of me and we looked at each other and he came toward me. I was wondering what he was doing. He checked the box of donuts in front of my desk and then said while looking at me: "Hum, there's nothing left." I was still talking to my team leader... or trying to. I just smiled at him. At another point, while coming back from the printer again, he came by the window behind my desk to look at the snow. We talked about that for a few minutes and then our team leader joined the conversation. He did the same thing earlier as well. I was talking to my team leader about a project. Someone shouted: "It's snowing like crazy!!!" He came by the window behind my desk again and the three of us started talking. So, we both acted as usual (except he doesn't usually come by at my desk this often) which to me didn't seem like a good sign. The problem is that he eventually mentioned his son... and his wife... and I was like... bleh... I felt stupid.

    Before I left for the day, when he was alone, I went and apologized to him. I said: "I'm sorry for the e-mails I sent you yesterday." He said: "Why? There was nothing wrong. Don't worry." In my head, I was like: "Is he messing with me? It's impossible he didn't realize I was actually making a move on him!!!" He said: "I didn't get the chance to respond." I said "No, no, it's not that. It's just... Maybe I shouldn't have said that." He kept saying: "No, no don't worry!" We were looking at each other and it was so weird. I still feel weird, like I just want to rewind to yesterday BEFORE I sent him that e-mail.

    Bleh...

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