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Thread: Do they ever come back after dating someone else?

  1. #1
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    Do they ever come back after dating someone else?

    I found out my ex is dating someone else. Obviously I'm devastated because he told me that he wasn't seeing anyone and didn't intend to see anyone else for some time. What a lie. I guess I'm feeling desperate because I genuinely do miss him- do they ever come back from this? I am going to try to move on, so that's not really what I mean- but all through the day I'm struck with pangs and feel simply awful. I loved him and thought we had a future together. He's confused and doesn't know what he wants after 9 years. He has said he is unsure why we have broken up but does list the fact that he thinks he's more positive than I, which is a bit true when it comes to little things- but not true when it comes to the big picture. He's actually clinically depressed so for him to say that is a little bit patronizing although I guess he is allowed to think what he wants- I just want to get back together- even after all this. Is there anything I can do? I have said - I hope she is nice and you are happy but Qit would have been nice for you to tell me the truth- there was no need to lie. Why would he lie to me about it? If we were broken up (which we were) I dont understand. Does him dating someone else mean that he is over me? I'm not even at the point of being able to contemplate dating and he has just sought treatment for depression and his meds have just kicked in, so I don't know how he could either.
    Last edited by playstheblues; 12-02-2011 at 06:54 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by playstheblues View Post
    I found out my ex is dating someone else. Obviously I'm devastated because he told me that he wasn't seeing anyone and didn't intend to see anyone else for some time. What a lie. I guess I'm desperate because I genuinely do miss him- do they ever come back from this? I am going to try to move on, so that's not really what I mean- but all through the day I'm struck with pangs and feel simply awful. I lived him and thought we had a future together. He's confused and doesn't know what he wants after 9 years. Is there anything I can do? I have said - I hope she is nice and you are happy but it would have been nice for you to tell me the truth- there was no need to lie. Why would he lie to me about it? If we were broken up (which we were) I dont understand.
    They do sometimes. But honestly, do you really want someone back who felt the need to go see if he can get better than you and then comes back when he realises he cant?
    There is nothing you can do I am afraid, in this situation any attempt you do at trying to get him back will just look pathetic. All you can do is forget about him and move on, what you have said already was very graceful so well done.

  3. #3
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    Why would he lie to me about it? If we were broken up (which we were) I dont understand. Does him dating someone else mean that he is over me? I'm not even at the point of being able to contemplate dating and he has just sought treatment for depression and his meds have just kicked in, so I don't know how he could either.
    I think I have tried to explain my take on this a few times, and I still believe it holds true. Whether or not he broke up with you, I still think he believes he is trying to save hurting you further by lying about seeing someone else. I will probably get shot down here for saying this, but I truely believe he is not a bad person. He is also confused and hurt and looking for ways to cope with it, and this unfortunate girl is part of it. I also believe that he is not 'over you' whether it seems like he is or not. All you are doing is going over and over the same things in your head and driving yourself crazy. This is not healthy, nor is it helpful to you. People cope with things in different ways - because you can't contemplate dating doesn't mean he can't either. Our minds work in crazy ways when we are looking for answers.

  4. #4
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
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    We dont know the answer to your question. I think it's safe to say more often than not, they don't come back. I had the odd case where my ex saw someone very briefly, came back to me, but then I saw someone, then later came back to him. But I don't want to tell you that because him and I are slowly working on things that I am the norm. Because honestly I am not the norm, my situation isn't I'd say the most common that I see on the boards. And needless to say because we did see people, its caused some slowdown and rifts.. I am okay with him seeing someone, but me dating and add his already intense jealousy, he's all messed up.

    I try to remind people that yes, we all want them back but now I know first hand that reconciliation is a hell of a lot of work. It's a breakup 2.0 sometimes. All you can do is heal , so if he doesn't come back, you will be okay, and so that if he does, you're able to take it from there. It's a fine line betweem being too far gone and healed to the point that you no longer want them and between being so messed up you haven't healed and still hold resentment and so on. That fine line is kind of also a big part why reconciliation is hard and sometimes just never works. Once a bond of a relationship is broken, it is VERY hard to get on the same page needs-wise.

    So, work on yourself, take some NC, keep your job, keep your friends and family closer. I know its easier said than done. But at the end of the day you are living your life through your eyes and not him, and its all you.

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    lyou guys have been together for 9 years so clearly he won't just forget about you and I am sure he will not forget about you either way having gone through a similar situation I can tell you this much from my own experience of things my ex of 8 years went off with someone behind my back, tried to string me along and see this girl at the same time. I cut off all contact with him and eventually told him I knew about this girl. He tried to deny the whole thing and I told him we will no longer talk in the end unless it is a real emergancy type situation.

    the thing that you need to think about is if your ex is trying to keep you on one side whilst he is testing the waters with other women let him do that, cause rarely do they met someone better than the person they had person, especially after a long term relationship. Do not be his friend, call him or nothing whilst he is is off doing his off thing, cut off all contact, as hard as it might be for you cut off all contact do not be an option for him in his life, that will only make the situation with him worse and let him back to you when he is ready.

    just remember after 9 years he will not just forget about you but you just have to play things correctly with him from now and see what happens but in the mean time move on with your life, cause they normally always come back once you have moved on and if it helps at all I have 4 sisters at home each and everyone of there exs came back to them at one point or another for one reason or another.

    try and stay strong ok and keep busy in the mean time but whatever you do leave your ex to live his life now, let him miss you and see what life is like without you.

    and if this helps you at all my ex never tried to string me along to spare my feelings he did this cause he wanted to keep me on one side incase him and this girl fell through, so in the end I had no choice but to cut off all contact with him, put him in a situation where he had to be with this girl and do a lot of research online and read up on what has happened when other people have been faced with there exs doing the whole grass is greener, rebounds thing

    honestly though I have slowly got through things with my ex feel better than ever now but you have just gotta play the game with your ex correctly now and move on with your life, If you decide to stay in contact then it will only make his relationship with other females stronger and he will get over you that much quicker that is why as hard as it might be cut off all contact, stop asking him questions as well cause a lot of what he tells you might just be alll lies now
    best of luck
    Last edited by rosie smith; 12-02-2011 at 09:16 AM.

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    Platinum Member Brownstone322's Avatar
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    I have a different perspective. I think successful reconciliations usually happen after a long separation, and I think seeing/dating/screwing other people in the interim is an inevitability, not a deal-breaker.
    So here I go,
    I'm still scratching around the the same old hole.
    My body feels young,
    But my mind is very old.

  7. #7
    Gold Member OrangeMoon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brownstone322 View Post
    I have a different perspective. I think successful reconciliations usually happen after a long separation, and I think seeing/dating/screwing other people in the interim is an inevitability, not a deal-breaker.
    I second this..
    ' I am an Orange Moon..reflecting the light of the Sun'...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brownstone322 View Post
    I have a different perspective. I think successful reconciliations usually happen after a long separation, and I think seeing/dating/screwing other people in the interim is an inevitability, not a deal-breaker.
    What he said.

  9. #9
    Gold Member winniethepooh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by playstheblues View Post
    Do they ever come back after dating someone else?
    Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. You can't predict and neither can we.

    Quote Originally Posted by playstheblues View Post
    I found out my ex is dating someone else. Obviously I'm devastated because he told me that he wasn't seeing anyone and didn't intend to see anyone else for some time. What a lie.
    No, not necessarily. People change their minds. Anyway, after a break-up, most people start dating someone else sooner or later. It's painful for you I know because you still have feelings for him. You're better off not looking for information about him.

    Quote Originally Posted by playstheblues View Post
    I am going to try to move on,
    Yes, that's all you can realistically do now.

    Quote Originally Posted by playstheblues View Post
    Is there anything I can do?
    Yes, leave him alone and try to move on. Simple but also very difficult. Keep going.

    Quote Originally Posted by playstheblues View Post
    Does him dating someone else mean that he is over me?
    You don't know. Worry about how you can get over him, not how he's getting over you .
    Oh bother! Not another heffalump ... http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=401660

    Questioning NC - Let go of expectations ... http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278597#post3253246

    "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn. My God, do you learn." - C. S. Lewis

  10. #10
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    The commitment is off, most ex's will find someone else, if they havent already.

    I usually see it as: girl breaks up with me, i go nc... she dates around, gets used or the relationship doesnt work out... checks up on me since i never rejected her, i represent stable commitment unlike her last experience... then i tell her to jump off a building.

    But.. if that person is better... then you are out of luck.

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