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  1. #1
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    my ex boyfriend has contacted me after 8 months no contact

    Hi everyone,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me after 5 years, it was very painfull for me cause only 2 weeks after the break up he told me he had another girlfriend from another country ( found on a forum ) and he really had serious feelings for her. So after 6 months of internet contact he left the country and flight to her and also lives together with her now.

    To me this seems still like some sort of rebound relationship. Now recently he sended me an mail asking me how i am doing and that he still thinks about the break up every day and he's wondering if i am also still thinking about the break up so much and that he misses me as a friend. He hopes we can have email contact. Once in a while to here from eachother and have sort of like 'friendship' contact.

    I replied by mailing that i want to keep the distance between us and i would like to have friendship in the future but that i don't want to have contact now cause i can't and i am now moving on with my life.

    But now i regret saying that i would like to be friends in the future, cause i feel like i've been to nice to him to say that i would like to be friends, cause that's not what i want at all, i don't think it's possible for me. I will be the one who's feeling the pain and i don't even wanna here how he's doing with his new girlfriend, cause it hurts.

    So can anyone give me advice on this? should i send him another email telling him very clearly that i don't think we will ever have some sort of 'friendship' contact again? or should i not even send anything anymore and then after months hearing nothing from me, he will realise i don't want contact anyway?

    thanks for helping me!
    Last edited by charmed83; 11-16-2011 at 05:04 PM.

  2. #2
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    You told him for now you don't want contact, so there's no need to contact him to tell him more of the same. Keep up the NC and good luck!

  3. #3
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    it seems a bit strange that he wants thinks about the break up every day but wants you guys to have some sort of friendship, I would be asking yourself if he still has feelings for you and if you think he does keep up the NC and see if he get in contact again and if he does go from there

  4. #4
    Platinum Member a-little-blue's Avatar
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    I don't think you need to say anymore. You've said that you don't want to have any contact with him for now and that is enough. He will be aware that there are no guarantees that you will still want to be friends once you have moved on ... and if not, then your continued silence will tell him. You've done the right thing by telling him that you don't want to have any contact with him and I would stick with that if I were you.

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  6. #5
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    Maybe things are not working out as great with the new bird. He's just fishing around to see if you will still speak to him.

    Be careful. I don't think I'd let him come crawling back that easily.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by charmed83 View Post
    Hi everyone,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me after 5 years, it was very painfull for me cause only 2 weeks after the break up he told me he had another girlfriend from another country ( found on a forum ) and he really had serious feelings for her. So after 6 months of internet contact he left the country and flight to her and also lives together with her now.

    To me this seems still like some sort of rebound relationship. Now recently he sended me an mail asking me how i am doing and that he still thinks about the break up every day and he's wondering if i am also still thinking about the break up so much and that he misses me as a friend. He hopes we can have email contact. Once in a while to here from eachother and have sort of like 'friendship' contact.

    I replied by mailing that i want to keep the distance between us and i would like to have friendship in the future but that i don't want to have contact now cause i can't and i am now moving on with my life.

    But now i regret saying that i would like to be friends in the future, cause i feel like i've been to nice to him to say that i would like to be friends, cause that's not what i want at all, i don't think it's possible for me. I will be the one who's feeling the pain and i don't even wanna here how he's doing with his new girlfriend, cause it hurts.

    So can anyone give me advice on this? should i send him another email telling him very clearly that i don't think we will ever have some sort of 'friendship' contact again? or should i not even send anything anymore and then after months hearing nothing from me, he will realise i don't want contact anyway?

    thanks for helping me!
    Im in a similar boat. My ex broke up with me almost 5 weeks ago. She had met someone a few weeks before BU with me and is about to go see him in a few days time, in another country too. Have no idea what that relationship will turn into. But it was obviously strong enough for her to end our 4 year relationship. Still feeling the pain now.

    The only reason I would reconnect with her in 8 months time is if she wanted to get back together. If she did then SHE would have to put in a lot of work as I have had plenty of time to reflect on my mistakes and the person I was with her. She won't have any ideas about the things she needs to take responsiblity for. Right now I would love to think she would be sending me an email like your ex's, it would make me think there was hope

    I think you made the right decision. If he wants to be friends or more than that he will have to convince you of his intentions. Remember he left you!!

  8. #7
    Bronze Member mrtango's Avatar
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    I think you should stick to NC. Because he wants you as a friend and you don't want it. And you told him clearly that. So you don't need to add some more to your statement. Be cool. If he wants more he will find a way to reach you.
    Good luck.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member KYRiverGrl's Avatar
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    I agree w/the others; stick to NC. He has no business sniffing in your life after you asked him not to. He made his bed; he has to sleep in it!

  10. #9
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    No, you don't need to clarify. He's got no guarantees. If you had been lying when you said it, would you clarify? You don't owe him anything.
    And please dont read into his correspondence - it's just crumbs - and you're well rid of someone who'd throw away what you had.

  11. #10
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    Btw I think you did the right thing even though you question it now. If you'd asked before you responded, I would have said what you wrote was perfect.
    The danger with telling him you have no intention of being friends is the dumper starts pestering you to change your mind and messes with your recovery. This way he might actually respect NC.

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