For those of you who haven't been following my recent relationship nightmare, a few weeks ago, I caught my long distance fiance subscribing to hook up sites and emailing girls from said hook up sites. Now I consider myself a very tolerant and forgiving person. If my fiance would have handled this situation better, then I probably would not be considering a break up. But he did not put deleting the emails and unsubscribing from the websites as number one priority.
When a relationship is broken you can do one of two things, try to fix it, or throw it away. I have tried repairing it, but I feel that he is not putting in the same amount of effort as I in trying to fix things and move past this event. Nothing has been normal since my discovery of this incident. He blames it on his new job and working long hours. Because of the time difference and his work schedule (he sometimes works 14 hour days) it has been a struggle just to communicate regularly with him.
Ending the relationship would be horrible and depressing but I think in the long run it would be better for both of us. Long distance relationships are very hard work and lately, especially after this incident, I have concluded my fiance is not good at maintaining a healthy long distance relationship.
That being said, I am very worried about breaking things off with him right now. He is very depressed and emotionally stressed out for a number of reasons including pressure from his family and recent events from his past that are re-surfacing. I feel that breaking up with him now may tip him over the edge and cause him to do something drastic like attempt to kill himself. He has already told me recently that if I leave him, he will shoot himself.
The thing is he has tried to commit suicide before and it was me who rushed him to the hospital (The suicide attempt was not related to our relationship). What I'm saying is, he's capable of going through with his threat. This is another reason why I'm hesitant to stay in a relationship with him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying if he gets too depressed and may decide to end his life while I'm at work or something.
I know that I'm not responsible for his actions but would anyone want this on their conscience? I don't know if I could live with the weight of that for the rest of my life.
How should I proceed with the break up? I want to be gentle but firm. I want him to know that there is no chance of us getting back together but I don't want to be cold. I still love this man and want him to know the reasons I'm breaking up with him. I've already suggested he get therapy for his depression on multiple occasions. I sincerely think he needs it and it will benefit him. He claims he doesn't have the time to do this but hopefully he will warm up to the idea.
Losing a boyfriend is horrible but when you are losing an engagement it is an extra level of despair. Please advise me on the best way to do this to avoid him hurting himself and me feeling guilty.