alwaysmoving Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I'm curious to see what you guys have to say about this. I have been sleeping with the same guy for 6 months. We see each other very regularly, have sex every single time, and talk a lot. I stay the night every time and we tell stories, laugh, and stay up really late talking. He's respectful. He isn't my boyfriend however and we both consider ourselves single. If someone else asked me on a date and I thought I could be interested, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. This guy and I have never gotten together outside of a bed except for the first time we met. It's kind of a strange situation I suppose, but it's very comfortable. The sex is awesome. I must admit though that I do feel attached to him and definitely look forward to seeing him. I would date him if he asked, but he's very open about the fact that he isn't wanting a relationship and he also goes out and meets new people all the time. Considering all the time we spend together though is it possible that he really has no emotional attachment to me whatsoever? Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I can't see how he could have NO emotional attachment, but it seems like he just has enough to see you as some sort of friend.. no love or anything along those lines. Link to comment
capilot Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Some men do. So do some women. I don't think it's very common. For all you know, he's posting the exact same question on some other forum right now. Link to comment
delicous Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Best advise I can give is to not be available every time.. I know its hard to not be available whenever he calls and wants to see you, but promise this will help you...And you don't have to actually make yourself busy, give yourself some time away from eachother. Lounge by youself at your place, go out with your girls still... I have a lot of things I wish I did differently in my situation which would of changed our relationship and made our love grow...but instead I made myself available all of the time. And now its like "I drive over to his place more often then he comes to mine" "he is very slow to answer his calls from me or text" and he just, possible is "losing interest." I think the worse part about it is, I continue to stay with him thin,king he will wake up. Don't let it get to this place...its not a good feeling, believe me. Link to comment
meoww Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I'm a woman--but I can be intimate with people, enjoy myself and not desire a relationship. I think it depends on where you are at in life, not necessarily a gender thing. By the way, I suggest not playing any games, hard to get, or otherwise. People do what they want most of the time, the games might extend the shelf life of a relationship but that's not what it takes to maintain one in the long run. I think the best you can do is seek a partner who wants what you want too! best Link to comment
Rosee Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It sounds like he isn't attached because he would want to make things exclusive otherwise imo. He's getting the best of both worlds. Be careful of your heart in this. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I always do. But I've only had sex with a three girls, and most of the time it lead to a romance. Six months, * * * * , he would have to be the most unromantic, boring guy in the world if he didn't have feelings for you. If you are both happy, though, keep it up. If you are not satisfied, bring it up. He might be thinking you are one of those girls who just likes sex, and no further. Are you worried he's gonna stop sleeping with you if you ask him? If this is the case... Yea, something is wrong here. Men and women... Getting too close can ruin everything. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 To answer your question: there is a small possibility he has no emotional attachment, but odds are, from my experience, he does have. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Why did you come up with such an arrangement? Link to comment
april15 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 He has found a way to meet his needs. I am sure he sees it as the best of both worlds, he can get some anytime he wants, doesn't have to spend any money on a date and can go out and explore with new women whenever he wants. He obviously enjoys your sex and company enough to see you again and again but not enough to want to see you outside a sex situation. I have known several guys that would like this arrangement, not for me. Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I'm pretty sure he is using you for sex. That's it. As long as you understand that and are comfortable with that, then it's not a problem. (I once had an arrangement like that; it lasted six months.) But if you're thinking that somehow the relationship will flourish into something else, then I'm almost certain you'll end up disappointed. Link to comment
Jake Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Looking from the scientific standpoint: Oxycontin is a very powerful hormone that allows for "bonding" and is often called, the "cuddle hormone." Both women and men release this during sex (from orgasm) but the extent of how much is released depends on so many factors. Genetics, overall health of the individual, their habits, their past (namely childhood), stress level and how good the sex was/is. It overall, entirely depends on the individual in the end. The reason men are more "stereotyped" as being able to have sex without becoming emotionally attached stems from two factors. 1. The male brain thinks objectively, differently, than the female brain and this route of thought process often does not necessarily have to involve emotions (man on a mission). 2. The stereotyping is often imbalanced because what man would admit he was the one that got attached and wanted something more but she didn't? Basically, he'd be embarrassed and not admit it to anyone. Looking at it just from the probability aspect: The chances of both of you wanting something more is least likely out of all this. If you're the partner that's starting to get attached don't start hoping that the other one will too. He is a separate individual and that means he could be completely satisfied with what you're offering. Link to comment
alwaysmoving Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm not posting because I'm sitting around wishing this guy would be in a serious relationship with me. I understand that when you have this type of casual relationship with someone it usually doesn't end up like that. He's still in college (I graduated early and have a full time job) and he's living the life. He's very vocal about the fact that he doesn't want any girlfriend. I personally would like a boyfriend, but in the mean time I see him because it's fun. My question isn't whether he wants to be in a serious relationship and plan a future with me, but if he has any emotional attachment whatsoever. Like, if I randomly told him I won't be seeing him anymore because I found someone else, would he be upset in the least. I really can't tell so I was curious. Could any of you men see a girl and sleep with her all the time for 6 months and counting and not care at all about her? Link to comment
Miss Kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 He has found a way to meet his needs. I am sure he sees it as the best of both worlds, he can get some anytime he wants, doesn't have to spend any money on a date and can go out and explore with new women whenever he wants. He obviously enjoys your sex and company enough to see you again and again but not enough to want to see you outside a sex situation. I have known several guys that would like this arrangement, not for me. Exactly. Most men are like this. They want sex, but not always a relationship. My boyfriend and I are planning to have a threesome if we can find the right person to ask. My friend and his fiance are doing the same thing. In situations like this, the third party is there solely for the purpose of sex. If guys became attached to every woman they had sex with than threesomes would be impossible, but they happen rather often. I have a friend who has sex with women all the time, and has never committed to any of them. I also know (although I think it's wrong to do this) several married men who have sex with other women, but are still in love with and stay with their wives. It's just sex. Thinking that this man wants to have a relationship with you with only bring you hurt. If you try to pursue a relationship beyond mere sex with this man, he will leave. If you cannot continue to have sex with him without feeling more, then the time for this connection has ended and I suggest breaking off what you do have with him and parting ways. I am sorry to say this, but it's true. Link to comment
Rangafro Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I do think it's bit of a stereotype that guys can just have sex with whoever and whatever and they don't get girly things like feelings. Maybe he does feel attachment, and is holding back because he thinks it will make him a wuss, or he just knows he can't commit to anyone right now. Even if he does and whatever the reason, does it really matter? He evidently doesn't want a relationship and is using you for sex and light company. I don't find anything wrong with that if you're honest with yourselves and each other. Link to comment
alwaysmoving Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 You didn't read what I wrote above what you wrote. I'm not trying to get him to be in a serious relationship with me. And having a threesome isn't comparable to what I'm talking about because that is something that happens once. I have consistently seen this guy for half a year. I'm just asking if it's possible he has no attachment to me whatsoever. Link to comment
tatertot2000 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 plain and simple a dude not ready to settle down, if your'e not happy with it let him know maybe he was unaware, on the other hand it could be time to leave the chump Link to comment
tatertot2000 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 if u keep having sex with him you might accidently end up attached to him for life with a child Link to comment
Miss Kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 You didn't read what I wrote above what you wrote. I'm not trying to get him to be in a serious relationship with me. And having a threesome isn't comparable to what I'm talking about because that is something that happens once. I have consistently seen this guy for half a year. I'm just asking if it's possible he has no attachment to me whatsoever. So why are you even asking if he's attached if you don't want him to be attached to you? If you aren't attached, then the question wouldn't even come up. Link to comment
zccr3279 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Don't cave in or be desperate. I may eventually pose the question, in a somewhat charming manner, about being exclusive with each other. Link to comment
doyathink Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Looking from the scientific standpoint: Oxycontin is a very powerful hormone that allows for "bonding" and is often called, the "cuddle hormone." Both women and men release this during sex (from orgasm) but the extent of how much is released depends on so many factors. Genetics, overall health of the individual, their habits, their past (namely childhood), stress level and how good the sex was/is. The bonding hormone is called oxytocin. Oxycontin is a prescription painkiller. Link to comment
Jake Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 The bonding hormone is called oxytocin. Oxycontin is a prescription painkiller. Note to self, "spellchecker is not reliable while lacking 2 days of sleep lol!" Thanks for catching that! Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think it depends You can have sex with someone once and totally walk away never thinking about them again but the more you have sex with someone the more attached you will get, our bodies release chemicals when our bare skin touches someone elses bare skin... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Whatever emotion he had to you before having sex is probably the same emotion he has for you now that you have had sex. He may be better friends with you or care for you because you've known each other for 6 months but sex usually doesn't change anything about how you feel about another person. And, just because he cares for you or feels close to you doesn't mean he wants to date you. If you are looking for a relationship and he isn't, this probably won't work out for much longer. If you are getting romantically attached to him, it might be best to cut down on the contact or maybe stop being intimate with him all together. Link to comment
regular joe Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 As someone else said. If I have feelings towards someone, then they always there. If it is a FWB or something to that effect then I say "if we sleep together, she will fall in love and I will fall asleep" then no there isn't any attachment. As far as I am concerned the one who's place it isn't can leave afterwards and it wouldn't bother me in the least. I actually would prefer it. Link to comment
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