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Anybody's ex date the opposite?


NCforME

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My ex is dating the complete opposite of me or at least what I perceive as it. Low education, low ambition, drinks too much and smokes (if I touched cigarette while we dated I would have been yelled at).

 

It's just weird because I have left this relationship with a list of things I loved about her and will look for in the next girl. I of course also have a list of things she didn't have that I'm now looking for.

 

But, it's odd because I would have thought I would have seen some of myself in her next BF because certainly there will be some traits of her in my next GF.

 

I'm starting to think my ex needs to fix men. When we started dating I was being bit of a loser because I was depressed. This guy though just seems like complete loser.

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I don't keep my nose in my ex's business long enough to find out

 

Haha...unfortunately we run in close circles. So our mutual friends have told me about him. Honestly, that switch has flipped, I don't care about her in that way anymore. I'm seeing other women.

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You're defining that person as "opposite" based on what you believe the person does but you have no idea if his personality and the way he interacts with her is similar to the way it was in your relationship.

 

True, in some respect but I'm pretty good at reading a book by its cover.

 

I'm just starting to think what ever my ex saw in me is not what I wanted her to see.

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I think I can provide some insight as to why this happens. One of my best friends is thinking about breaking things off with her boyfriend because she feels they are going in different directions. She is very serious and focused on her future, but he's content to live in the moment and goof off. She has recently found herself attracted to a new guy who exhibits the drive and passion for success that she misses in her current boyfriend.

 

In other words, relationships sometimes end because one person is lacking something or wants their partner to change in some way. If you dump your boyfriend because he's too clingy, for example, you might next date a rather distant guy and find him to be a breath of fresh air. All the things that annoy you about your current partner might drive you to seek the opposite in your next.

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In other words, relationships sometimes end because one person is lacking something or wants their partner to change in some way. If you dump your boyfriend because he's too clingy, for example, you might next date a rather distant guy and find him to be a breath of fresh air. All the things that annoy you about your current partner might drive you to seek the opposite in your next.

 

Yeah, I think this is not at all uncommon in rebound-type relationships. It has definitely happened to me a couple times, and I've done it too. You subconsciously gravitate toward someone who (seems to) represent what the person you've just dumped lacks.

 

"Oh, this is so much better!! He was so possessive, and this guy lets me be me!" etc. etc.

 

The novelty wears off though, and eventually you revert to type... which may be your ex or someone else who's more similar to the ex.

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Yeah, I think you guys hit the nail on the head. This guy is not the type of guy I would expect her to be with. Even our mutual friends have said the same thing. I think that because I was always in school and working we didn't always have time to go out and have fun like we used to. It's like she's dating the guy a girl would date in high school. She's living that care free life she did get in the last two years of her Masters and with me.

 

I just thought its odd because I've been talking to two new girls and have been thinking a lot about what I want and what I learned from my last relationship. There are a lot of things I am looking for that she had and I still want those things in my next girl but with the addition of some other attributes I thought were missing.

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Yeah, I think this is not at all uncommon in rebound-type relationships. It has definitely happened to me a couple times, and I've done it too. You subconsciously gravitate toward someone who (seems to) represent what the person you've just dumped lacks.

 

"Oh, this is so much better!! He was so possessive, and this guy lets me be me!" etc. etc.

 

The novelty wears off though, and eventually you revert to type... which may be your ex or someone else who's more similar to the ex.

 

Yeah, the funny thing is I knew her last boyfriend before me (not well, just in passing) because we were friends for 3 years before we started dating. He was actually a pretty cool guy and I would have hung out with him in other circumstances. This guy is definitely not someone I would hang with in my precious spare time.

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Pay close attention to what Nick said,once the novelty wears off,then drama settles down and guess where she will go back to ? Its always the same, different people, different scenarios but the outcome is almost predictable.Its just a matter of patience.

 

I mean it would certainly make me feel good if she did but I'm actually pursuing someone she knows. So I kind of hope she doesn't. Don't think I could ever take her back now. Maybe in few years and if she seems like she has grown up finally.

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  • 1 year later...

Hey NCforME, I was wondering how this all played out in the end, seeing as your story and my current one are eerily similar! Just looking for some insight, hopefully you can respond. My ex is dating somebody exactly how you described your ex's bf, exact opposite of myself.

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