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Thread: Anybody's ex date the opposite?

  1. #1
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    Anybody's ex date the opposite?

    My ex is dating the complete opposite of me or at least what I perceive as it. Low education, low ambition, drinks too much and smokes (if I touched cigarette while we dated I would have been yelled at).

    It's just weird because I have left this relationship with a list of things I loved about her and will look for in the next girl. I of course also have a list of things she didn't have that I'm now looking for.

    But, it's odd because I would have thought I would have seen some of myself in her next BF because certainly there will be some traits of her in my next GF.

    I'm starting to think my ex needs to fix men. When we started dating I was being bit of a loser because I was depressed. This guy though just seems like complete loser.
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

  2. #2
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    I don't keep my nose in my ex's business long enough to find out

  3. #3
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    You're defining that person as "opposite" based on what you believe the person does but you have no idea if his personality and the way he interacts with her is similar to the way it was in your relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by camus154 View Post
    I don't keep my nose in my ex's business long enough to find out
    Haha...unfortunately we run in close circles. So our mutual friends have told me about him. Honestly, that switch has flipped, I don't care about her in that way anymore. I'm seeing other women.
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 View Post
    You're defining that person as "opposite" based on what you believe the person does but you have no idea if his personality and the way he interacts with her is similar to the way it was in your relationship.
    True, in some respect but I'm pretty good at reading a book by its cover.

    I'm just starting to think what ever my ex saw in me is not what I wanted her to see.
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

  7. #6
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    It's just odd that things that were unacceptable in one relationship would all of a sudden be acceptable in another.
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCforME View Post
    It's just odd that things that were unacceptable in one relationship would all of a sudden be acceptable in another.
    It is strange isn't it...

    I am right there with you. I no longer care, but I do find it interesting...

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    My ex dumped me for a clone of me.

  10. #9
    Silver Member thelastsong's Avatar
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    I think I can provide some insight as to why this happens. One of my best friends is thinking about breaking things off with her boyfriend because she feels they are going in different directions. She is very serious and focused on her future, but he's content to live in the moment and goof off. She has recently found herself attracted to a new guy who exhibits the drive and passion for success that she misses in her current boyfriend.

    In other words, relationships sometimes end because one person is lacking something or wants their partner to change in some way. If you dump your boyfriend because he's too clingy, for example, you might next date a rather distant guy and find him to be a breath of fresh air. All the things that annoy you about your current partner might drive you to seek the opposite in your next.

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by thelastsong View Post
    In other words, relationships sometimes end because one person is lacking something or wants their partner to change in some way. If you dump your boyfriend because he's too clingy, for example, you might next date a rather distant guy and find him to be a breath of fresh air. All the things that annoy you about your current partner might drive you to seek the opposite in your next.
    Yeah, I think this is not at all uncommon in rebound-type relationships. It has definitely happened to me a couple times, and I've done it too. You subconsciously gravitate toward someone who (seems to) represent what the person you've just dumped lacks.

    "Oh, this is so much better!! He was so possessive, and this guy lets me be me!" etc. etc.

    The novelty wears off though, and eventually you revert to type... which may be your ex or someone else who's more similar to the ex.

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