Am I overanalyzing? Men, need your input...

Hi All,

I connected with a guy through link removed couple of weeks back. We spoke to each other & felt a click. He lives in Canada & has recently taken up a job here which requires him to live here for 12 days in a month & soon he'll be moving here permanently. To give you some background, I'm 36 yrs old & he's 41 yrs old, we're both divorced. He called couple of times & we had long conversations over the phone. Slowly he started flirting with me, Hi Sexy blah blah which I ignored...We finally met after 2-3 weeks of communication. I certainly felt a huge connection. He gave me few compliments & then called me immediately after reaching home to ask me if i would be interested in meeting again. I confirmed my interest. We are both from different religions so we talked about our experiences & diffrerences. He talked about his failed marriage & criticized his ex wife a lot which was really putting off...I brought it to his attention & he tried to justify his stance. He has been single for nearly 3 yrs now & said he's looking for a serious relationship, wants to have kids etc. He called pretty much everyday except one day & we continued to chat. Then we met for a second date, 3 days later. He called & we planned to meet for an impromptu dinner on 20 min notice. I played along, dinner went off well. He's very decent in person & sweet. He's Middle eastern while I'm Indian, I certainly felt he's interested in me but kept checking his iphone once in an hour saying that he has urgent work mails that he needs to check often. I went home & checked that he's logged on to link removed quite frequently which is fine given the fact that we just met. He did not attempt to hug me or touch me in anyway, not even to say goodbye when we were parting.

Two days later, he left for Canada for 15 days. Its been 4 days since he's been gone & no email or phone call. Infact, he has never emailed me at all. I can't find his name on Google or Linked in. I am just hoping that he's not fake. He sounds very intelligent & cultured. He called me from the airport for a bit when his flight was delayed. It was a casual conversation, he said that he wanted to call me & ask me for FREE lunch since his flight was delayed. I replied saying I would have come to the airport but then he got onto an alternate flight. I felt bad why he would mention the word free lunch. Mebbe he was being humurous. I am trying to be cool, I have never called him until he calls me. But I have a huge crush on this guy, am missing him so much. I see he logs into link removed quite frequently. I have already hidden my profile as I lost my job & wanted a break from Match. Sometimes I wonder, if it's over. If a guy is seriously into you, he would call/email but it seems since he's gone home he doesn't care to be in touch. Is this normal? I will not get in touch with him but damn I miss him so badly...Trying hard to keep things in perspective, wish I knew what he's thinking. Guys, would appreciate your input.

Unless your religions keep the onus on the gentleman to take the lead, I think it's perfectly ok to give him a call when you think it's convenient for him.

If he doesn't answer, leave a brief and light message. It sounds like you're a tough person to read, and it's very possible that he's taking your cold body language (from how you described it) as dis-interest.

It's possible his interest is elsewhere, but you don't know until you throw out the bait.

I suspect that he is still married. that is why he is using a fake name and all that. and obviously, he is dating tons of other women online. don't put all your eggs in one basket, as the saying goes....

did he get "lucky" with you ?

I don't want to appear over eager which is why I have never taken the initiative to call. He always calls usually & if I can't answer the phone, I call him back. It is not about religion, my frens say that a guy loses interest if you chase him or call him especially in the initial stages of dating so I have been following that advise. Plus I have no idea if he's dating multiple women, how he feels etc...What would you suggest?

did he get "lucky" with you ?

What does that mean?? He didn't try to touch me in anyway...Both dates were casual, light...we talked a lot, spent about 3 hrs together each time.

I don't think 1 call once in a while counts as "chasing." I do think it would be appropriate to call and say hi. I think guys can lose interest also if they don't know if the woman they are interested in is interested in them....

but in your case, i am pretty suspicious that his name doesn't turn up and that he lives in canada and all that.

I suspect that he is still married. that is why he is using a fake name and all that. and obviously, he is dating tons of other women online. don't put all your eggs in one basket, as the saying goes....

If he's married Annie, how come he has an online profile on link removed with photos...I don't know if he has given me his correct name or not...It's hard to say anything...All I said is that I can't find his name on Linked in or Google.

If he's married Annie, how come he has an online profile on link removed with photos...I don't know if he has given me his correct name or not...It's hard to say anything...All I said is that I can't find his name on Linked in or Google.

With online dating...anything is possible. I wouldn't be completely suspicious of the guy, but his inconsistent behavior is something very important to keep in mind. If he reappears and is hot for you and is always on, with no real explanation, I would just tread with caution.

If he's married Annie, how come he has an online profile on link removed with photos...I don't know if he has given me his correct name or not...It's hard to say anything...All I said is that I can't find his name on Linked in or Google.

easy if she lives in Canada!!! Maybe she hasn't thought to search for him online.

Is he advertising in Canada or in San Diego.

It's definitely not good news if he has not given you his real name.

have you google searched his online nickname?

Has he came on link removed during the last 4 days?

Did you google his username for match, skype, msn, email address and phone numbers?

Has he came on link removed during the last 4 days?

Did you google his username for match, skype, msn, email address and phone numbers?

No, he has been on link removed for past 2 months. It shows his current location as CA not Canada. He logs in everyday. I googled his cell no & it shows as CA number & his location is correct as well. His name is so common that a lot of profiles pop up when I search his name. I am not implying that he's lying about his name because his VM says the same name, I am just wary of online dating because I have had bad experiences in the past.

I don't think 1 call once in a while counts as "chasing." I do think it would be appropriate to call and say hi. I think guys can lose interest also if they don't know if the woman they are interested in is interested in them....

 

but in your case, i am pretty suspicious that his name doesn't turn up and that he lives in canada and all that.

He said he lives in Canada but will move to CA full time starting Oct. He seemed concerned about finding an apt etc. He grew up in Canada, Canadian Citizen. He said he'll be back by 15th sept so let's see...

No, he has been on link removed for past 2 months. It shows his current location as CA not Canada. He logs in everyday. I googled his cell no & it shows as CA number & his location is correct as well. His name is so common that a lot of profiles pop up when I search his name. I am not implying that he's lying about his name because his VM says the same name, I am just wary of online dating because I have had bad experiences in the past.

Have you tried looking up his name in Canadian directories?

Some men will search for women in a place where they visit for work. For example, if he is married, his wife wouldn't think to look for him in the California area online. She would think to look for him in Canada.

In any case, he might not be married, but if he's not contacting you after the 2nd date, i'd say he's not too interested and is busy with other women.

I agree with googling his link removed username and seeing what comes up.....

I don't think this has much to do with on line dating other than you got attached before you met in person. Many people change their minds after only two dates and since it's not yet a relationship, don't feel obligated to call and say "I won't be asking you out on a third date". When I did on line dating I tried to meet ASAP to avoid getting attached through typing and talking. I'm sorry you're disappointed and have to go through the stress of wondering where he is/whether he'll call. If he's logging on to match then he has time to get in touch with you as well. I'd move on...

The fact that he is still accessing link removed every day is a small red flag. The fact that he hasn't call you for 4 days is a small red flag. The fact that he keeps on checking his cell phone is a small red flag. The fact that he is listed in CA is a small red flag. The fact that he said "free meal" is a small red flag. Constantly bashing ex wife after 3 years is a small red flag.

There you have 6 little red flags.

I would call him, if he answers we have a small talk. If I get to his voicemail I leave a small message. If he takes more than 48 hrs to get back at me, he is out of my life. Not because of he probably being married, but because he is not a coherent person. Nothing that he does seems consistent.

Hi Pkittie,

Ouch! This has happened to me in past too. My advice....? My gut says that you were little bit tooooo available. He went from 0 to 60 and you went speeding off with him. It happens. You get your head turned and you want the show on the road ASAP. Not a good idea. No-one has their foot on the brake and it speds off into a ditch.

Sweetie, you treated him like your new best friend, when he was just at the casual dating stage. Very casual. What is that with the 20 minutes notice for dinner? Seriously? And running along to meet me at the airport? Pkittie, your time is too precious to be at his beck and call.

If a guy wants a date with you then he'd better book early because your time is in demand. It isn't playing games. It demonstrating that you have a full life and he is not at the centre of it. YOU ARE!!!

He's merely a bit player and until you deem otherwise. And "otherwise" takes weeks of leading your own life and doing your own thing. No need to rush. If he's interested then slowing the pace won't deter him. It will make him realise that you take your choices seriously and are picky about the company you keep.

I would not call this guy. Unless he has lost the use of both hands in freak gardening accident, then he is more than able to call you.

Put this down to experience. Move slowly and cautiously in future, even if it does seem like an instant connection. The fact is you need more information to make a judgement. Keep your head on straight. Your looking for a serious relationship and that takes a some-what objective eye. You can do it. We all live and learn.

Although I am not a "The Rules" girl, I think skimming a few pages to get the gist of it wouldn't be a bad idea. For now, as hard as it seems, move on and start dating. Even if he does call back, you'll have other options to dream about and will have your confidence back. It's a knock for him to disappear like this, but the sting will fade pretty quickly if you decide to shrug it off with good humour and confidence in yourself. You are catch. His loss.

As a side note, I do think the long tedious rant about his "low-down" ex wife demonstrates a person who hasn't healed. I suspect he feels rather angry at women at the moment and that does not make for successful relationship. Bottom line, you'll look back and think he wasn't the catch you thought at the time.

All the best

Deci

Thanks Deci....I will not call him & wait to see how life unfolds...He wanted to call me to the airport becoz his flight was delayed & I don't have a job currently. So he knows that I'm home searching for a job. He called practically everyday before he left for Canada 4 days back. His family is in Canada so I'm sure he's busy & happy. I will not rush anything.

I don't think this has much to do with on line dating other than you got attached before you met in person. Many people change their minds after only two dates and since it's not yet a relationship, don't feel obligated to call and say "I won't be asking you out on a third date". When I did on line dating I tried to meet ASAP to avoid getting attached through typing and talking. I'm sorry you're disappointed and have to go through the stress of wondering where he is/whether he'll call. If he's logging on to match then he has time to get in touch with you as well. I'd move on...

Batya, he did call back after the second date twice. I mentioned clearly that he called from the airport while leaving for Canada. I have no idea why is he calling if he does not want to pursue anything serious. The ball is in his court, he's coming back to CA on 15th.

Batya, he did call back after the second date twice. I mentioned clearly that he called from the airport while leaving for Canada. I have no idea why is he calling if he does not want to pursue anything serious. The ball is in his court, he's coming back to CA on 15th.

Calling after a second date doesn't mean that a man is looking for anything serious!

Calling at the airport = I'm bored, waiting for my flight, what's going on?

He's clearly on link removed often, so I would not be surprised if he is dating/planning on dating/trying to date about 30 other women. Keeping his options open. You really don't know if a man has serious intentions until you've been dating him and known him for a long time. a few months, at the very very very least.

He wanted to call me to the airport becoz his flight was delayed & I don't have a job currently.

Hi Pkittie,

You may not have a job, but you do have life. Pull back on this one. You're not a back-up plan for delayed flights. He's getting busy weighing up his options on link removed. Maybe it's time you dusted off that keyboard and logged on too.

All the best

Deci

I just checked & now it shows he hasn't logged into Match for past 3 days....Weird....now I'm wondering what is he upto!