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  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    192

    How do you find happiness in being alone with very little friends/family?

    More and more I just feel like I'm not meant to have lots of friends and family close to me. It's really a lonely feeling when you feel like no one is really there for you,understands you or cares about you. I've felt this for a long time. I'm tired of trying to connect with people and I get dead ends on all aspects, whether it's my horrible relationship with my parents,friends or just dating. I've tried to go out and meet new people but something always seems to fall apart with these relationships. I just haven't been able to find someone I connect with or find people who are genuine without some kind of agenda in being my friend. Sometimes I can go weeks without socializing with anyone, not one phone call from so called friends or family either and my phone barely rings, sometimes I feel like there's no point to having a cell phone if no one ever bothers to call and I always feel the need to break the barrier and call people.

    Just recently a friend of mines died a couple months ago and for some reason it made me look into my own life. He was so loved and he had so many friends and family and even though I'm sad he's gone, I feel somewhat envious of him and I know that's sad. I feel like if I were to die, I would never get the love and appreciation he got and I just feel like my life is unimportant. I really think if I died, my funeral would be empty except with a few family like maybe 5 or 6 people attending.

    I feel lost a lot of the time and most of my time is spent working, going out and doing things by myself.. Going to the movies by myself,going to the gym by myself,walking by myself, I've even started going to bars and clubs by myself and even though I dance,drink and have a good time I still leave these places alone without interactions with anyone. I feel so alienated when I see groups of friends and people laughing and having a good time and I'm always by myself. I have yet to find my close knit circle of friends and the feelings of anxiety is constantly haunting me and I feel like this emptiness and loneliness eats at me more and more as time passes.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    In A Champagne Supernova In The Sky
    Age
    27
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    1,238
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    You find happiness in doing things you love!
    "Men are rather reasoning than reasonable animals, for the most part governed by their passion" Alexander Hamilton

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    54
    Gender
    Male
    See a doctor, this is likely a mental health issue.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    3
    i have been dealing with these feelings and in my opinion, the impassable object that stands in the way of your happiness is your self. Why do you really want to connect with these people? what do they offer you? try and look into what it means to have solitude, be comfortable with yourself and take it as a part of your life where you can look deeper within yourself and find that little spark of yourself that makes you realise why your alive. P.S stay out of clubs as this will make it harder to grow personally. you will only feel more and more pressured to make contact, just let it happen to you

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Minnesota
    Age
    40
    Posts
    4,632
    Gender
    Female
    Well you turn to God and develop a spiritual life (by going to church for example) which leads to friendships and comraderie that you're missing elsewhere.
    "Reality is what won't go away when you stop believing in it."
    -Phillip K*

    "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
    -Carl Jung

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    31
    why do you feel you need tons of friends? i think you are putting too much pressure on yourself to live up to society's idea of living a happy, full life. You are too caught up about YOU and not OTHERS. Once you really start to appreciate individuals and really care about them, then you'll have those really special intimate relationships.

    I am very close with 4 members of my family. I have a boyfriend, and two very close friends I can count on. My closest social circle is TINY, by all accounts, but it makes me happy. For me, it really is quality and not quantity. I know I can call any of them at any hour and expect a reply, an answer, an hour phone conversation...

    I have learned that it is really really important to be yourself. If you are a quiet person, then embrace that. Don't be fake, people reject fakeness. They will come to you in time. I'm the quietest person ever if you first meet me, but over time people always come to me saying they really like me, they trust me. In most cases within three months, at any job I've ever had, I become one of the most popular people around. And I hardly do anything to initiate friendship. I never do a damn thing, but be myself. Act honest and calm and non judgmental. People find it comforting.

    Then there are people who are really outgoing, and also very friendly and not fake. They have tons of friends, and they are always maintaining those relationships to a high functioning level. They are very lucky. They are built to be social that way. Good for them. I am not like this. And I suspect you are not either. Try to let go of 'expectations' and you will be your best, natural self, and a social magnet.

  8. #7

    It's not you

    Hey Myles, I'm not sure if you will read this since I noticed that your last activity on this site was some time ago. As much as I'm sure the other posters were trying to help, I don't agree with any of their posts. It's not you. You shouldn't have to turn to a faith to make friends. People should just want to be friends with other people--no strings attached. Unfortunately, most people are not like that. I have a lot of friends, and even so, I LOVE making more friends...so I am probably the exception. I like making friends for the sake of making friends, because you can never have too many right? And some people, I find, just don't want to make new friends.

    Sometimes they're comfortable with the friends they have, or they just plain get weirded out that someone is trying to make friends with them. Before about the age of 12, you could walk up to someone and be best friends with them in about 5 minutes...no questions asked. Nowadays, if you're trying to make friends with people they think you have an ulterior motive, or are weird. Frankly, I think THEY are weird. More people in this world should want to make friends.

    I feel like you might be in your situation due to where you live, work, or due to the people you surround yourself with. Some people just AREN'T open to new friendships. Which suck. A lot.

    Well, if you need a friend or ever want to talk...you have one here! You can add me on FB @ facebook.com/tamalish

    Also, another website where people are very open to new friendships and give great advice is highexistence.com, you might check it out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Myles View Post
    More and more I just feel like I'm not meant to have lots of friends and family close to me. It's really a lonely feeling when you feel like no one is really there for you,understands you or cares about you. I've felt this for a long time. I'm tired of trying to connect with people and I get dead ends on all aspects, whether it's my horrible relationship with my parents,friends or just dating. I've tried to go out and meet new people but something always seems to fall apart with these relationships. I just haven't been able to find someone I connect with or find people who are genuine without some kind of agenda in being my friend. Sometimes I can go weeks without socializing with anyone, not one phone call from so called friends or family either and my phone barely rings, sometimes I feel like there's no point to having a cell phone if no one ever bothers to call and I always feel the need to break the barrier and call people.

    Just recently a friend of mines died a couple months ago and for some reason it made me look into my own life. He was so loved and he had so many friends and family and even though I'm sad he's gone, I feel somewhat envious of him and I know that's sad. I feel like if I were to die, I would never get the love and appreciation he got and I just feel like my life is unimportant. I really think if I died, my funeral would be empty except with a few family like maybe 5 or 6 people attending.

    I feel lost a lot of the time and most of my time is spent working, going out and doing things by myself.. Going to the movies by myself,going to the gym by myself,walking by myself, I've even started going to bars and clubs by myself and even though I dance,drink and have a good time I still leave these places alone without interactions with anyone. I feel so alienated when I see groups of friends and people laughing and having a good time and I'm always by myself. I have yet to find my close knit circle of friends and the feelings of anxiety is constantly haunting me and I feel like this emptiness and loneliness eats at me more and more as time passes.

  9. #8

    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    2
    Do you fall to the trap of assuming that your sole purpose in life is to be useful? Discovering your personal bliss may include accomplishment, but the full, balanced scope of your existence may include times where being lazy is just as appealing.

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