Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
  1. #1
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    502

    How Long Before You Bring Up Exclusivity?

    I met a guy on a dating website and we quickly switched to texts/phone calls. Things came up so we talked for about a month before actually meeting up. We have been actually physically dating for more than a month now (we've been out about 4 or 5 times) and I've met his sister. We've both had a lot of distractions, but things should be calmer in about a week. We have been physically intimate, but we have not had sex. I have told him that there will be no intercourse until we are in a monogamous relationship. I'm comfortable and enjoying where we are physically right now, but I would like to see the rest of the relationship progress.

    We've both talked about suspending/canceling our accounts and he told me he hasn't met anyone else. I've made it clear that I don't think we're in a monogamous relationship right now. I've actually been seeing other people. It's no secret that I'm into him. We are both still active on the website where we met. I would like to stop seeing other people, but I will continue to see other people until I know that we aren't seeing other people. I would like to broach this subject, but don't want to rush things. I'm just not comfortable being physical with someone when we're both still actively on a dating website. Is it too soon to bring this up?

    I am not necessarily looking to jump into something super serious nor do I need a label. I just want to see if we're on the same page.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    130
    You bring it up when you want to bring it up. You obviously want to, so do. You're over-thinking this.

    Also, if you want to stop seeing other people, stop seeing them. You don't need his permission or agreement.

  3. #3
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    502
    He's been really busy and I've been out of town a lot. I feel like I have been initiating more contact than he has. I am confidant that he is interested in me, but it's still too early for me to be at the top of his list of priorities. He really has a full plate. I don't want to push him away. I notice that when I'm with other guys I spend the whole time hoping that he isn't doing the same thing. I just don't want to limit my options if he doesn't see this going anywhere.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    130
    I don't understand why you are still seeing other guys if you don't want to, and you don't enjoy it. You have no obligation to see other people just because he is.

    You can stop seeing other people any time. You don't have to make a pact with this new guy. You don't even have to tell him if you don't want.

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    502
    I know I don't have to tell him and I know I don't have to see other people. I just don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket if his are spread all over town. It's not like I've gone out with other guys expecting not to enjoy it. I've just realized while I'm out that I'd rather be exclusively seeing him. If he still wants to see other people then I will continue to date around and hope that I meet someone else who sparks my interest.

    I guess I'll bring it up next week. The question is, how do I bring it up? What is the lowest pressure way to ask about pulling down our profiles?
    Last edited by SinfullySweet; 08-18-2011 at 05:46 AM.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    51
    Posts
    25,691
    Gender
    Female
    Pulling down profiles does not make two people exclusive. Many people have assumed they are officially bf/gf when the talk really danced around the subject and never actually stated, "are we officially a couple". So they might talk about being "exclusive" or "not sleeping with others" or taking down dating profiles. But with the vague wording, one person assumes bf/gf, while the other person assumes "dating you exclusively but still keeping eyes peeled in case someone better comes along". If you want to be an official couple, it is best you state that so that there is no room for misinterpretation. All you have to do is tell him that you would very much like to be exclusive with him as an official couple and you are not sure where he stands on that. Then see what he says. If it pushes him away then it is better you know sooner rather than later. You have gone out 4-5 times and have been in contact regularly for a month before that. It should be plenty of time for him to decide whether or not he likes you enough to be in a relationship with you and not keep looking for others.
    "A word to the kind: when I sense I'm hurting someone, I am. The fact that someone would be weak enough to tolerate that from me doesn't make me less responsible for my actions, it makes me more responsible". Catfeeder

  7. #7
    Platinum Member top bloke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    46
    Posts
    2,418
    Gender
    Male
    If you two had the right chemistry and understanding then why keep looking for other people? How many do you want to date at the same time? Im confused. Anyway if you feel the need to see others then you are probably not that into him and therefore why are you wasting his and your time ? If I were single and the woman I was dating was seeing other guys id kick her out of my car quick smart..
    You have choices!

  8. #8
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    502
    Quote Originally Posted by top bloke View Post
    If you two had the right chemistry and understanding then why keep looking for other people? How many do you want to date at the same time? Im confused. Anyway if you feel the need to see others then you are probably not that into him and therefore why are you wasting his and your time ? If I were single and the woman I was dating was seeing other guys id kick her out of my car quick smart..
    I am very into him or I wouldn't be stressing out over this. I've been ready to stop seeing others since the first date. I just know that not everybody moves at my pace. I've been acting under the assumption that he is dating other people or at least talking to other people. The advice I have been receiving from friends is that it's soon and we should both still be seeing other people. He still checks his messages on the site which leads me to go on the site to see if he has been on. I would like to us to be monogamous. I personally feel that at this point he should have some idea if he sees this going somewhere and I'd like to know his thoughts sooner rather than later. I just don't want to pressure him.

    How do I bring this up? What do I say?

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    36,288
    In all my serious relationships the man brought it up within the first month of dating. The only difference with meeting through an on line site is that he should deactivate his profile as should you if you are exclusive but of course he can talk to other women all he wants - he simply should not date other women or advertise himself on a dating site as single. I would wait a bit closer to two months before initiating that discussion - do you care at all if you're the one who brings it up first?

  10. #10
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    130
    "I would like to us to be monogamous. I personally feel that at this point he should have some idea if he sees this going somewhere and I'd like to know his thoughts sooner rather than later. I just don't want to pressure him.

    How do I bring this up? What do I say? ".

    So you say: I'd like us to be monogamous, whaddaya think?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Related Articles & Books
by Margarita Nahapetyan
One of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life are failed relationships. Making a relationship work is one of the most important life ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known end-date to ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Some people say that when we deeply love or care about someone we automatically open the door to betrayal. I am not sure whether such statement holds ...
 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Expert Advice

Online
Call
$1.99/minute
25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Intervention specialist and counselor who helps couples and families repair and rescue their relationships. "generously affordable"
Online
Chat
$2.99/minute
Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them!
Online
CallChat
$2.75/minute
Licensed Psychotherapist, Author, Relationship Expert Pictured on Oprah. With 25 years of experience, I provide caring, honest, non-judgmental help for your relationship issue
Online
CallChat
$1.95/minute
I do have extensive training and experience in clinical, counseling and transpersonal psychology. I provide counseling support for those willing to work on themselves...
Online
Chat
$2.49/minute
Are you having relationship issues in your marriage or family and need a professional to gain greater understanding and hope of your situation? I would love to help.