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Thread: My ex is contacting my friends on FB

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    My ex is contacting my friends on FB

    I honestly thought I wouldn’t have any facebook drama with my ex for two reasons: 1) I immediately defriend him, his family members, and people who were his friends but not mine. I blocked him so he could not find me again on FB if he tried 2) We broke up in November of 2009, so over a year and a half now of not being a couple and no communication since April of 2010.

    Today I got a text from a guy friend of mine (I’ll call him Andy). Nothing has or will ever happen between Andy and I but we both went through bad break ups around the same time so we spend a good deal of time helping each other through. Andy knows everything that happened with my ex and how I know feel about him.

    Well, the text I got from Andy saying that my ex (I’ll call him Jim. Jim and Andy were friends for a while but lost touch well before Jim and I broke up) had friended him on FB with a message emphatically asking to talk. I told Andy I was sure Jim was just trying to find out where I am, how I am doing etc. Andy agreed and asked if I wanted him to accept the friend request or not, I told him that I was torn because logically I know it would just be totally pointless, but on the other hand I have curious about what he would have to say (I can honestly say I have no interest in getting back with my ex I have moved on emotionally and physically I now leave hundreds of miles away from him).

    Anyways, I told Andy that I would think about it and get back to him. I went to my internship today and completely forgot about the whole situation until I got back home, signed on to FB and saw a message from another guy friend of mine (Rick), The message basically said “Jim asked me to ask you to say hi to him.” I told Rick that I was sorry he was being made to play messenger boy and that I have no intentions of communicating with my ex.

    The fact that I forgot about the situation earlier today tells me that I going with my logically side and going to tell Andy to not accept the friend request. But now I am really angry that my ex is doing this. I mean I have not talked to him since April of 2010 even though he has tried to get into contact with me in other ways.

    My question is, what do I do if this keeps happening? I don’t want my friends being used like this and I have been very clear with not wanting to communicate with my ex. The very last time we talked was over email and I said verbatim, “I do not want to communicate with you anymore.”

    Advice? Thoughts?
    "Recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own." -Joss Whedon
    "Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick [...]"- http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/#ixzz2mOdY2dPO

  2. #2
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    I would delete my facebook account for awhile if I were you...chi

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    What a coward. Tell Andy and Rick is their choice to communicate with him, but make it clear that your friendship with them is above your ex, and that you dont want to hear anything from him. Under ANY circumstance contact your ex, he is pushing your buttons is a coward way, dont give him what he wants.

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    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    Hi Chi, Thank you for the response. I am really hoping I won't have to do that. But there is no way I can let my ex use my friends this way.
    "Recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own." -Joss Whedon
    "Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick [...]"- http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/#ixzz2mOdY2dPO

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    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1m50L0nl3y View Post
    What a coward. Tell Andy and Rick is their choice to communicate with him, but make it clear that your friendship with them is above your ex, and that you dont want to hear anything from him. Under ANY circumstance contact your ex, he is pushing your buttons is a coward way, dont give him what he wants.
    Thank you so much for this! Lol, something about it made me feel a lot better about this situation. And your right, my ex is a coward, he just cannot accept that I have moved on. The funny thing is he is the one who broke up with me!
    "Recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own." -Joss Whedon
    "Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick [...]"- http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/#ixzz2mOdY2dPO

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    Yes his sending trial balloons to know where he stands with you. Insecure man. Not worth it. Deserves what he is getting. When he grows up and can address things in a personal way like all mature adults do MAYBE if you want, is of your personal convenience, and have nothing better to do, then perhaps you might reconsider his reasons.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Brownstone322's Avatar
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    Was this a particularly bad breakup? Who broke up with whom? Generally speaking, I come down on the side of civility.
    So here I go,
    I'm still scratching around the the same old hole.
    My body feels young,
    But my mind is very old.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    He broke up with me. For me it was bad because he never tried to work through what was bothering him. We had been together for over three years so to me, he could have at least tried to fight for the relationship. We were long distance and he come to see me for a weekend we broke up on Saturday night and he left early the next morning to go to a "pre-thanksgiving day party" with his high school friends. I remember because at the time I was extremely hurt that he would just leave me in tears to go hang out with his friends.

    So I did the whole blocking, deleting contact information etc, I even packed up everything he had given more over the years and sent it all back to him.

    A few months later he sent me an email begging me to come back to him. I turned him down, then he called basically saying everything that was in the email, I turned him down again, then there was a final email to which I responded that I did not want anymore contact with him.
    "Recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own." -Joss Whedon
    "Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick [...]"- http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/#ixzz2mOdY2dPO

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    Update on the situation, I told Andy to not accept the friend request, and told Rick I had no interest in any contact with my ex. Today I got a call from my BFF (Nora), well, my ex contacted her today about getting in contact with me. Nora and I discussed what to do and after a while determined that she would reply to him saying that she had passed along his message, that I do not want contact with him, and that he should stop trying because it was just pushing me farther away (it was worded much better then that!)

    I have thought about it, and if he contacts anyone else, I am going to call him and tell him to stop. I have a feeling that until he hears it from me he will just keep trying.
    "Recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own." -Joss Whedon
    "Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick [...]"- http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/#ixzz2mOdY2dPO

  11. #10
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    My ex send a text to my best buddy asking about me. He didn't recognize the #, so he deleted it. It was hilarious actually, because he called me when he got it and said "Hey, someone's asking about you, don't recognize the # though" so he read it off. I just said "doesn't sound familiar, I say delete it"

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