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  1. #1
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    My boyfriend choked me until i couldnt breathe and says i deserved it

    Hi everyone,Im using a friends old account to post this as im unable to make my own account right now..

    My boyfriend choked me until i couldnt breathe several times last night. He also punched the top of my head a few times. He has pushed me,slapped me and choked me before a few times but no where near as bad as this time. He only seems to do it when he is drunk. He put his ex girlfriend in hospital, broke a bone in her face, pushed her through a wall etc and had charges laid against him. He did it to her because she was always drunk and hitting him and going crazy and sleeping with his friends all the time..etc..I have never done any of this to him. He seems to be psychologically traumatised and obsessed with everything he went through with his old girlfriend and now he is passing it onto me. Like he is reliving his past with her, with me. He has told me he thinks she deserved it to. All we did is have an arguement. I wasnt yelling and never touched him. He said i was an evil b****, who is tearing out his sole (all over an arguement about his EX). He said he hates females who try to pick fights when drunk. And thats why i deserved it because i wouldnt listen to him. He just seemed so traumatised by what he went through with his ex, that he went psychotic and really dramatic, then choked me, like he did her.


    I dont know what i should do, because besides this, he is really kind, generous, loving. He always tells me how amazing and beautiful and wonderful i am. He is very sweet. I know most people wouldnt like me and put up with me like he does. I really dont know what to do.

    Does it get worse? Does this guy sound familiar to anyone here? Please help me, i dont know what to do. Please share ur advice and experience! I cant tell my family because my dad would murder him, literally.

    ps-my dad used to do the exact same thing to my mum all the time when i was a little girl. exactly the same.

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  3. #2
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
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    Yes, of course it will get worse.

    What if the next time he chokes you, he doesn't stop?

    The answer should be clear, and you already know it in your heart. Leave now, while you still can. There's little point in anyone here sharing their experiences. The only advice you need is to get away before he kills you.
    "Dark obsession in the name of love,
    This addiction that we're both part of,
    Pulls us deeper into mystery,
    Keeps us craving endlessly..."

  4. #3
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    You need to first get as far away from him as you can before you get killed. No one deserves this no matter what they do or don't do. If you don't live with him, stop answering your phone and stay with a friend for a few days especially one who didn't condone your mother's abuse. Also, I would talk to someone at a women's shelter who has resources for counseling. I received free counseling as an abuse survivor, even though I wasn't in the shelter. If you live with him, get copies of your social security card, bank statement, and pack your important photos of grandparents, etc, and leave. If you cannot leave tomorrow, practice. Let the neighbors see you leave at a set time every day and come back so it won't seem weird that you are going somewhere. Maybe because you grew up with violence you thought the behavior is okay. It doesn't matter what he is like when he is not drunk. He will eventually kill you when drunk. The exgirlfriend got out thank God. Now its your turn because he does something else. Also, please see a doctor. He could have damaged your windpipe, gave you a concussion, etc, and you need to report this.

  5. #4
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    You know what to do sweetheart....get out! Your dad did it, so now you think he can do it too? It will get worse. Why wait until you're in the hospital. Please leave while you can still walk...

  6. #5
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    by the way, abusers go through a mean and sweet cycle. They will do something horrible and then they will flip and talk sweet to you, buy you flowers and presents. They will shower you with attention and really overdo it. Until the next time they hit you or belittle you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abitbroken View Post
    by the way, abusers go through a mean and sweet cycle. They will do something horrible and then they will flip and talk sweet to you, buy you flowers and presents. They will shower you with attention and really overdo it. Until the next time they hit you or belittle you.
    Yep. The "sweet" phase is nothing more than emotional manipulation.

    Ask yourself this: If you really love and care about someone, do you choke them, slap them, punch them in the head, and push them around?

    No, you don't...and that's how you know he doesn't really care about you.

    Get away, and never look back, or you risk becoming a domestic violence statistic. Think of what that would do to your parents...
    "Dark obsession in the name of love,
    This addiction that we're both part of,
    Pulls us deeper into mystery,
    Keeps us craving endlessly..."

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamtrying View Post
    I dont know what i should do, because besides this, he is really kind, generous, loving. He always tells me how amazing and beautiful and wonderful i am. He is very sweet. I know most people wouldnt like me and put up with me like he does. I really dont know what to do.
    He could be the nicest, sweetest, most generous person on the planet- there is no excuse for his behavior, absolutely none. If there is one thing a guy does to you that should get him dumped automatically, no questions asked- it's hit you. The only times when this is ever acceptable is when it's an accident (the fact that he hit you multiple times rules this one out), or when it's in self-defense (the fact that you didn't touch him also rules this one out). Do yourself a favor and find somebody else. I've dated some real s, but never, ever has a guy hit me. It's just not normal.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamtrying View Post
    Does it get worse?
    9 times out of 10 it does.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamtrying View Post
    ps-my dad used to do the exact same thing to my mum all the time when i was a little girl. exactly the same.
    This is a pretty important piece of information because this kind of thing gets passed on from generation to generation. Boys that grow up in a family with an abusive dad are almost always abusers themselves when they grow up. Girls that grow up in the same situation are almost always abused themselves. This kind of thing tampers with your psyche. If you consistently find yourself in abusive relationships, you should really see a professional, because this means that something about your personality is attracting and allowing this kind of behavior into your life.

  9. #8
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    Thankyou everyone for your responses..I feel so naive and like a child. I have issues with confidence and self-esteem, and i just dont have the knowledge or skills to understand this situation. I dont know if i am wrong or right. I just dont know what to think. It would be unfair if i left him because if i did the same thing to him, he wouldnt leave me. But just because i am a female, am i expected to never speak to him again over this? I really am so confused. He makes it seem ok the things he does. When he says he is right and i am wrong, i believe him because i have more trust in his intelligence than mine. If i stick up for myself, i could be wrong and therefore treat him unfairly. So i dont know if i am wrong or right. I end up feeling so guilty as he blames me for alot of things. He says i am the psychopath when i try to stick up for myself. He says i am wrong for treating him that way and he always just seems he is right and i mustnt be smart enough to see that. Its embarrassing for me.
    I find it really hard to believe that he would intentionally manipulate me, or lie to me or keep things from me. The way he speaks is just so honest and true. Like i dont even really know him? He speaks with so much passion and honesty, how could he be lying? what does he think of me? Am i just paranoid? Is he really lying to me? I dont know if any of this is normal or acceptable..I havent really seen how relationships are meant to be.
    I feel guilty because he seems so sad and upset he did this. I dont want to make him feel worse by ignoring his calls. Thank god i dont live with him.

  10. #9
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    Please, please, please. PLEASE. Do all that you can to remove yourself from this situation now, and do NOT delay getting out. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but as everyone has already told you--and I'm sure anyone who replies after this will say the same--it's clear that it's not necessary to have been in a situation similar to yours to be able to offer advice. That said, I can't imagine the hold he may have on you. But it does NOT matter if this is the first time he has caused you any real harm or if he's always seemed loving before and still appears loving after doing this. This is the scariest kind of relationship to be in, and I really hope you can find it in yourself to realize this as soon as possible, if not this very moment.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
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    So i dont know if i am wrong or right. I end up feeling so guilty as he blames me for alot of things. He says i am the psychopath when i try to stick up for myself. He says i am wrong for treating him that way and he always just seems he is right and i mustnt be smart enough to see that. Its embarrassing for me.
    Please read this:

    http://abuse101.com/emotionalabuse.html

    If you can get to the bottom of that page and think, "Nope, that's not us", then I stand corrected, and apologize for wasting your time.
    "Dark obsession in the name of love,
    This addiction that we're both part of,
    Pulls us deeper into mystery,
    Keeps us craving endlessly..."

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