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Why wont my girlfriend have sex with me "women help answer"?


laxrocket

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-Ok we've been in the relationship for eight months I am eighteen and so is she. We both like the same cheesy things and have independent goals. We both tell things to each other and help eachother with problems. Now I shall make of lists of our personal problems

 

Me

-i am repetitively nice and helpful putting myself before others always....examples is canceling a golf outing with my friend to help teach little kids to play lacrosse for my coach since he was short on exprienced players.

-i had five previous girlfriends three cheated on me, one became a lesbian, and one moved away, all of which I never did anything with worthwhile. So I am a virgin

-i am a goof of sorts sometimes socially awkward which messes with my physical appearance which I am very attractive and girls have literally come to me and hit on me. I have had many foreign girls ask to buy me drinks and well I turned them down. But sometimes I say the wrong thing

- I am a healthy eater...I run allot and work to my fullest to be perfect.

-i am horny and wish to be sexually active

My girlfriend

-vegetarian

-had two boyfriends ones gay now and the other dumped her cause she wouldn't put out which is horribly wrong and he was a partier which even though its fun I just don't like that kind of life.

- she is lot less horney

-her mom left her with her father as a child so she sometimes considers me an older brother

Ok so after being together a long time we've done things like blowjobs handjobs, fingering and dry hump or as I say wet hump cause I can make her .... well u understand. I am quite skilled at it where I can make her *** so easy everytime. I have out of god know how many *** twice. Her she gushes like no other.

So I brought up this discussion on sex how I would like to do it soon but not plan it. she agrees. (Two months ago btw and well two weeks ago we were pretty much naked (only my boxers and her thong and dry humping (never gets me excited I do it for her I just like being close to her). So after she does her deed she goes well that was fun and starts saying how much she wanted me to put a condom on and she was like I want it I don't and back and forth. By then this reminded me of how my ex was saying this and was doing a guy behind my back...so I stubbornly explain she is teasing me and quit joking so I get ready to take her home.. she says she wasent lying and wants it more and soon. So I was like ok and happy. So weeks pass and bring it up and keep asking her about it afriad its like my old situation. Eventually she. Tells me that that's all I care about and I tell her I give her allot and I love her but I never get allot in return. She gets mad and tells me I shouldn't cause that's not her thing and so I ask her if she was lyong she says no and I say how long were u planing and she like whenever...I told her most guys take soon as two weeks and I feel un appreciated sexually and she's like we'll u don't have to do that but I say it makes her happy that's why....and sometimes I am hornier then others while she is only horny and never starts stuff so its hit and miss and when she wants fingering she doesn't give anything in return.

 

Well we ended up having an argument on my personal feelings and desires. She is mad like that its a big deal and my sexuality will leave.which is hurtful like I have a disease or a condition and not a big deal that its something normal then why wont she. So we ended up telling me when I talk about sex or anything like that it turns her off. And she's the one that saiid u can tell me anything....so its being a hypocrite. Idk I just feel left out to my friends... and just her buddy not this guy she can be her desire...she is barely horney so its killing me...I ain't one to dump someone over **** like this I understand how it feels and I love her. I just want to know what to do cause I can't discuss what is on my mind about it. So any suggestions besides dump her or ur at fault and u suck or stop being selfish. I have finally convinced myself in a whole I am not good looking and ugly and not someone of her affections.

 

I have begun to think about telling her I love her but I am not sexually appealed cause thats what she wants. Idk and I cant wait to hear the girls have deeper issues and your selfish you dont love her. Seriously I have stayed by her side through her grandmas funerals her graduation. taken her to work if she needs a ride and helped her with homework and studies.

I take her into account but I feel left out of the equation most of the time.

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Oh the irony.

 

Here you post how wrong it is for some guy to dump her because she won't have sex with him:

 

had two boyfriends ones gay now and the other dumped her cause she wouldn't put out which is horribly wrong

 

And you've been pestering her and presuring her for weeks or months to the point of heated arguments because she won't put out.

 

. So weeks pass and bring it up and keep asking her about it afriad its like my old situation. Eventually she. Tells me that that's all I care about ...I told her most guys take soon as two weeks and I feel un appreciated sexually..

Well we ended up having an argument on my personal feelings and desires.

 

You are WORSE than the other guy, at least he had his dealbreakers and he let her know it.

 

She's giving you lots of other stuff, and that's where she is in regards to comfort level and you cannot force it. Well you can try, but it's manipulative and unreasonable to say the least.

 

Either accept that she's not ready for sexual intercourse, and back off or end the relationship. What you're doing is unfair to her and not even nice. It's also counterproductive and there's a good chance she'll kick you to the curb first.

 

You do this while you go and pass judgement on all her ex's and the guys who treat women so badly...unbelievable.

 

 

I have begun to think about telling her I love her

 

If you "loved her" in the truest sense of the words you wouldn't be putting your wants and needs ahead of hers.

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While sex and intimacy is a reasonable expectation between adults, you'll have to understand that you're both still 18. Some people choose not to become sexually active until later in life. If this is a dealbreaker for you I'm afraid you'll have to follow hex's advice. End the relationship and find someone else who is on your wavelength.

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Eigh that came out wrong. I have only pressured her once the fact she came to me and said oh I wanted to do it so bad and have it in me but I thought no...its like teasing and pisses me off. And the other guy got drunk and dumped her for it....I wouldnt so have I no...

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Yea she at first was like wait for marriage then changed her opinion to well that. After I first brought it up I felt bad cause she was like no so I was first ok and she said what I posted above and it ticked me off. I dont like being teased with no outcome.

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Yea she at first was like wait for marriage then changed her opinion to well that. After I first brought it up I felt bad cause she was like no so I was first ok and she said what I posted above and it ticked me off. I dont like being teased with no outcome.

 

Then walk away. You have that right to not want that and she has a right to not be ready to give it up. Neither of you are wrong, but someone has to make a move.

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Then walk away. You have that right to not want that and she has a right to not be ready to give it up. Neither of you are wrong, but someone has to make a move.

 

Agreed. The ball is in the OP's court to leave. Sex is never "owed" to someone. If she doesn't want to have sex it's up to him to put up with it or leave.

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Finally the only reason I bothered her was she didnt start bj me until her friend did it to her bf and that they humped she does they finger she does. Now her friend wanted sex and the bf said he wasent ready. So I thought to myself somethings odd. So I confronted her about it. She denied and I so I just gave up.

 

I like the first post has to do with my pressure and not her getting not giving find both sides like everyone else and then argue.

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A lot of people, girls and guys, post on these forums - not looking for advice per say - but looking for vindication. They want other people to agree with them, make themselves feel like they are in the right, and their partner is in the wrong. Irony is - they already know the answer.

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I have a question is it fair i give and not get? I just want satisfaction once in a awhile. But whatever I have the Idea I wont give anything to her sexually and just tell her how I feel and talk this out idc anymore if it doesnt turn her one its not like I will lose allot.

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I dont think though deep down in me its the want for sex but the desire to be appreciated, loved, desired, lusted over, and satisfaction.I think its from being cheated on and how it formed in me the hate of it. I felt it was out of my line to say some things but it really does hurt when she says its me and does not want to tale or help. or when she teases me.

 

So I am wrong and a failure whatever at least I am me. I understand myself and we both are talking it over tomorrow morning

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Finally the only reason I bothered her was she didnt start bj me until her friend did it to her bf and that they humped she does they finger she does. Now her friend wanted sex and the bf said he wasent ready. So I thought to myself somethings odd. So I confronted her about it. She denied and I so I just gave up.

 

I like the first post has to do with my pressure and not her getting not giving find both sides like everyone else and then argue.

 

Your both 18, not 30. She may not feel comfortable with doing things and girls talk about sex which other girls - shocker, i know! - and knowing a friend is doing it and them talking it out may get her more comfortable. Again, if you aren't happy leave. You can't MAKE her have sex with you. Well, you can - but that's called rape.

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I dont think though deep down in me its the want for sex but the desire to be appreciated, loved, desired, lusted over, and satisfaction

 

It's not deep down, it's right there on the surface: you want to get laid.

 

we both are talking it over tomorrow morning

 

You know what you oughta do when you have this talk in the morning? Tell her that you thought about it and you realized that you're putting unfair pressure on her to do something she's not ready to do, and you respect her boundaries and you aren't going to mention it again, and when and if she is ready then you are there.. odds are you'll get laid that much faster and it will be much more enjoyable for both of you because you know she'll be doing it because she wants to and she'll know she's not just doing it to finally shut you up.

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Eigh to poster above I get those once every three weeks and their half assed and I never....you know. She gets her stuff twice every week.. but whatever I don't give two* *** anymore bout it cause it causes problems.. so I told her that and said sorry for being selfish and she said sorry too that she's not there yet and can't provide like that for me and I told her it was all mine. So now we are happy. I am more then I was. Sorry I just had an immature venting stage. For the two that were***holes about it. A general discussion is where you don't pound the idea negatively in you are straight forward where they gave me the choice and I think I took the right one.

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For the two that were***holes about it. A general discussion is where you don't pound the idea negatively in you are straight forward where they gave me the choice and I think I took the right one.

 

Translated for clarity: Tell me what I want to hear without any negativity because I can't handle constuctive criticism even though you've taken your valuable time to try to help me out.

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Translated for clarity I am a smartass who thinks its ok to say that because the op has a view point against mine I have to call out everything which is wrong to me because it isn't right. Instead of viewing evry little detail looking into it and being kind about the results. I followed others advice....not urs even though they are the same...they are just nicer about it and not in your face.

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From the ages of 28-32(she was 24-28 ) I was with a woman who didn't want to have sex. There were no bj's hj's or anything of the sort during that time. Yes, at the end we broke up because she wouldn't have sex with me. Yes, I did pressure her into it and she didn't give in. For those that attacked the op, am I jerk too then. When do you draw the line between respecting someone's boundaries and respecting your own needs. For many men(and women to for that matter), sex is a major part of a relationship. For many, a relationship without sex misses the point.

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