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Is it ever ok to ask a girl out with a text?


keith515

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I have a crush on this girl at work and I think she likes me too. She's also shy as well. And we have a good working relationship. There's a lot of fun interaction with each other and we have a good rapport. Also, I think she knows I have a crush on her anyway. I can't ask her out face-to-face at work because there's always someone around.

 

I'm hesitant to just call her out of the blue to ask her out. I thought about texting her to see if she wants to go out for drinks or dinner. The reason I like the idea of text is to keep it casual but maybe keeping it casual would be a bad thing.

 

I really do think she would go out with me but due to her shyness I'm afraid she wouldn't sound as friendly on the phone and I would get discouraged.

 

I know every girl is different but are there any girls that would prefer to answer through text so it's easier to turn the guy down if they choose to or to avoid an awkward conversation on the phone.

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I think it's really lame to ask a girl out via text messaging.

 

Man up and pick up the phone and talk to her.

 

I'm sorry, but if you're living in the stone age then perhaps this is not a good idea. If you look around at anyone at a coffee shop, restaurants, bars, anywhere social...everyone is on their phone, texting, emailing.

 

Texting can be a very casual way of bantering with someone and creating the atmosphere for more without being too direct. To the OP, I think it's a great idea. Many people however will use text the wrong way. I would keep it casual, and go a little bit over the top in your text messages as they can be taken less seriously than in person. For instance, you can poke fun at someone in a text and use emoticons like ( or to get your point accross. I would highly recommend you check out this podcast (link removed) there are tons of useful points that will help you.

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I know she is an avid text user. I've known many girls who have been asked by text and they didn't complain. Actually, I was the one who thought it was lame.

 

That's what I'm hoping for: casualness. I kind of think of it as a scam: "As seen in the popular movie of 1989, Say Anything; going out as friends, but both of the individuals like each other."

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Back in the day I would say TEXTING ALL THE WAY! because I was also super shy and HATED talking on the phone even to a guy I liked. But now that I've actually dated a little, I must say that when a guy texts me and asks me out, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it necessarily but I feel like it's SUPER casual. It doesn't really make me feel special, but it also doesn't make me feel like * * * * . It's just... a text asking me out.

 

But when a guy actually called me to ask me out (and was really polite about it), it made me nervous (because I still get nerves talking on the phone to people I don't really know.. and plus I just don't like talking on the phone) but I like it better than a text It makes me feel special and shows me that the guy had the courage to call and was still very polite about it.

 

I think you would have the power to call her and not scare her off Just be nice, polite, and casual about it but I think you should call!

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It's not a matter of "being a man" and picking up a phone, it's a matter of doing whatever works best for you and her. Personally, I wouldn't really mind because then I would have the text to look at in anticipation of the date, provided I had agreed...I am a packrat when it comes to old texts, though, so that's just me. I keep good ones so I can remember the feeling I had when I first read them.

 

If texting works for you, go for it. If it doesn't, then don't. If you think it would turn her off, then don't. Honestly, there's no one-size-fits-all answer...you have to do what makes you comfortable, and what you think will go over best with her.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide!

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I think that if you don't have the courage to pick up the phone and organise a date, then that's even more reason to take the risk and do it - to gain confidence. If you are really interested in a girl, you will do it. Personally, I find it a bit lazy and like I'm not even worth the effort. And even if that's not the impression that you wanted to give out, that's the impression that I get.

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Wow, the last 2 posts have really given me something to think about. Thanks to you both.

 

I can see iswim18's point. It does add something by calling. On the other hand, maybe it might make this girl more comfortable by texting. I'll decide tomorrow.

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Whatever you decide I hope she agrees because that is the ultimate goal surely to go out on a date. I urge you to do one or the other and not live to regret doing nothing. I have been told many times you tend to regret more what you haven't done rather than what you didif it didn't turn out as you wanted. Good luck.

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It's not a matter of "being a man" and picking up a phone, it's a matter of doing whatever works best for you and her. Personally, I wouldn't really mind because then I would have the text to look at in anticipation of the date, provided I had agreed...I am a packrat when it comes to old texts, though, so that's just me. I keep good ones so I can remember the feeling I had when I first read them.

 

If texting works for you, go for it. If it doesn't, then don't. If you think it would turn her off, then don't. Honestly, there's no one-size-fits-all answer...you have to do what makes you comfortable, and what you think will go over best with her.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

I agree. For me personally, I'd feel like asking someone to hang out via text is lazy. I had an ex who couldn't really communicate verbally and wrote everything, so I am more attuned to avoiding men who cannot communicate verbally.

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Whatever you decide I hope she agrees because that is the ultimate goal surely to go out on a date. I urge you to do one or the other and not live to regret doing nothing. I have been told many times you tend to regret more what you haven't done rather than what you didif it didn't turn out as you wanted. Good luck.

 

That is sooo true. I have enough regrets of not trying. And for the girls that I tried and got rejected, I don't remember how I felt.

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I did it. I called. I was just about to send a text message, "Hey xxxxx, do you have any dinner plans tonight?" but realized that it was too close-ended and it may not get me anywhere.

 

On my phone in the contacts, I pressed the phone # and didn't know what would happen. Actually, I had an idea what would happen but I tricked myself. When I clicked on the number, it called the number. It rang 5x. I didn't leave a msg.

 

In this day of technology, it will show I called. There's only 5 options she could do: 1) call me back, 2) ask me at work tomorrow why she called, 3) say nothing, 4) act more friendly, or 5) be more stand-offish.

 

Either way, I feel relived. I made an effort. I tried. Will I try again? Maybe, depending on how she reacts to me at work. But I did try.

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Even lazier than sending a text is calling, hanging up, and hoping she calls you back.

 

hmmm. I guess, based on past experiences, that if I left a msg, and they didn't call back, I would feel worse because that would be a huge matza ball hanging. I'm not sure where I learned it, but it seems worse to leave a msg.

 

I don't know.

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The last couple of guys I dated organised their initial dates through email and text, NOT because they needed to 'man up' but both of them had stammers - barely noticiable until they got stressed as in 'dating'. Didn't bother me one bit and it was kind of nice to re-read our first messages as we got closer.

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The last couple of guys I dated organised their initial dates through email and text, NOT because they needed to 'man up' but both of them had stammers - barely noticiable until they got stressed as in 'dating'. Didn't bother me one bit and it was kind of nice to re-read our first messages as we got closer.

 

That's a nice post.

 

I based on my asking her out that she was interested in me as well but is very shy. If my instincts are correct that she is interested and she saw that I called, all is not lost. If anything, it would make her feel like opportunity lost. I can remember several times when a girl called me and she didn't leave a msg and I felt like I had lost the opportunity. But, I didn't stop talking to the girl. I made understood that I was still interested. I feel that is the key. If she tries to avoid me, then I'll have my answer. And if she tries to avoid me because she's too shy, then she's not someone who I want to be with.

 

But, she continues to show me attention, then I'll try again. It's not like she rejected me, it's just that my timing may have been off.

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I wouldn't pat yourself on the back for making that effort, Keith.

 

I was going to chime in and say the key to communicating well with women is respecting her style and preferences. She sounds like she would be fine with texting, since you're both so shy. But, NEVER EVER text a girl for a first date and ask her out for hours later. Really bad form.

 

The hangup thing is really lame. I wouldn't expect any response from that.

 

At this point, you need to backpeddle. I'd text her, explain that you called her and her VM didn't kick in, but you wanted to call and ask her if she'd like to go to dinner sometime...

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