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  1. #1
    Member Sunshin3's Avatar
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    Jun 2011
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    Female

    Shy guy & shy girl

    I've been seeing this really great guy for a while now, we've been talking for about a year and started getting closer 6 months ago.
    We have the intention to date but its nothing serious yet (we've both been hurt in previous relationships, taking things "slow"). The thing is, were both super shy. Him worse than me, so I find myself constantly trying to get him to talk.

    I'm pretty traditional when it comes to guys making the first move, but at this point it feels like kissing or anything for that matter is never going to happen because hes so shy.

    Anyone been in this situation before? Tips on how to get him to loosen up?

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
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    273
    Well if you wana persue it, you may have to face facts that some times your going to have to initiate things. It sounds like you two are already fairly close, So i don't think you really need to be afraid of anything "going wrong" if you were to just make a move and kiss him already, lol.

    Im speaking from his perspective here, As i was like him, To the extreme. I was never comfortable enough to initiate anything with my first girlfriend untill one day she practicaly grabbed me, and for lack of a better way of describing it.. stuck her toung in my mouth.. LOL

    I really don't Know what his actual fears are that make him shy, so I cant say it wise to be THAT agressive about it. My hang up was the age old fears of "messing it up". I had real confidence issues in my youth and couldnt believe SHE wanted anything to do with me, and it took her going that far to convince me. I have come a considerable way since then, but still far from "out-going"; But i can tell you this knowing what I know having Been just like him- He is never going to make the first move at this stage. However.. With time and presistence, If he really is infact Into you, He will sooner or later become 110% comfortable and then finally start to fully open up

  3. #3
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    380
    The problem is in yourself. Has he done anything wrong? All in all, you're the better placed to initiate... or if you won't, and you'd rather have someone who will do it for you, just move on, then. It's all part of the change of getting into a relationship.

    Aside from my point of view, I also have tips on how to initiate. If you're willing to know more, you can message me.

  4. #4
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    380
    Thank you so much for being different and asking. I'm going to explain you the way I believe is best to help yourself and him to feel more comfortable and to let kissing come naturally.

    To initiate kissing is a gradual step that requires no immense effort at all, compared to go straight to kissing. It's mostly because of our own culture and psychology that it seems so difficult to initiate kissing, or rather, that it should feel natural to go straight to kissing, and that this is the first step to lead to having sex. It's unfortunately an illusion that's easy to disrupt once we know.

    Say, you want to have sex with someone. The reason why you don't comfortable with the idea of having sex with a stranger with no other form of preparation is because you don't feel the connection. This connection can take time, but most importantly, it has many graduations before it can lead to the actual act.

    Same applies for kissing. Try to be open to touching. Shaking hands, touching the elbow, shoulder, or the back can be the first step to feel a connection. Then, you can probably move on to the next step if you feel at ease with doing so, or you can add the belly, the hip, and the leg. These sign are generally done between friends or even in between strangers who feel quickly at ease with each other.

    Then, you can move on to hugging more often, holding hands or the above body parts, narrowing the distance between each other when conversating, and touching the face. If you don't kiss after this, I bet you're going to be and feel very close and feel ever more eager to have it.

    But there's more. Kissing on the mouth, and kissing at all, is considered as one special and intimate thing. The face and lips also bear an even more special importance. It's normal so far to touch but now comes the time to caress, and to kiss anywhere else than the lips. Again, hands and arms will feel less overwhelming than the rest, but you can then move on to the neck, the cheek, the forehead and the nose.

    Wait until he is comfortable himself. He will surely take exemple on you and replicate the same at one point. That's the time when he's telling you he's ready for the next step. Just enjoy the moments; it feels even better when it lasts long. Although just be considerate of one factor; the male's system works differently than the female's and it can become badly painful for him when there is too much foreplay with a prolonged excitement with the genitals.

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