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  1. #1
    Member
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    Feb 2011
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    99

    kind of met someone else but i think i still have feelings for my ex :S

    I hadn't seen my ex for a couple months and i wasn't really bothered, i had gone no contact with her and started to move on and it was fine. I saw pictures of her going out clubbing, getting drunk with her friends etc etc and having a good time, but it didnt bother me as much as it would have in the past. I always tried telling myself that someone better than her would come along if i just moved on and it kind of did happen. This girl started talking to me over facebook, always complimenting me, being really nice and seemed generally interested in my life, unlike my ex and she started giving me her number/asking if she could come watch me play sport and such, the only problem is i dont have feelings for her. With my ex i had feelings for her before i even really knew her, because she just seemed like a really nice person, this new girl is just as nice but i just cant seem to get interested in her and its really bugging me, i keep thinking about my ex again now.

    But anyways went out to the movies with a group of friends, that of which my ex belonged too and i had reflected on our relationship and realised that i had been really immature and stupid and couldnt figure out why i acted the way i did as i had never acted that way before, if i knew that back then i wouldnt have blamed her for everything that happened, avoided her entirely and start hating on her. I went and sat with her and her friends and talked to her/them etc etc, in the past i would've avoided a situation which involved me giving her direct eye contact, but it just seemed nice to talk to her again and act as if we were "friends."

    I'm just really confused about my feelings towards my ex. I really did like her, but i can never see us dating again because its too late to tell her that i have reflected on what happened and that i have changed, but despite the fact that i can't show her this i've learnt a few lessons about myself and relationships anyway. I just don't understand why i may still have feelings for her though, i mean this new girl who i've started talking to is just as nice as my ex was, exept she showers me with compliments and talks to me a lot - things which my ex never really did, but i dont have any feelings for her. They say that when you meet someone new feelings for your ex go away, but it hasn't happened and im afraid of going into a relationship with the new girl if im not into it 100%, because i dont want to hurt her. What do i do :S

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    158
    Where pretty much in the same situation, so i'm looking for answers as well, but know that this must happen to a lot people. I got broken up with 2 months ago and have been NC for 1 month. I had my first date this past Saturday, and it went good, there were no awkward moments and we both generally had a good time. The weird thing is that before my ex I would have jumped at the opportunity to take this girl out on a date( I've know her since high school and hadn't seen her in 4 years.) But know she coming on to me and there is absolutely no spark from my side, She's sexy, nice and is an overall great girl. But on our date all I could think about was my ex, I think I was so used to getting a response like my ex would of gave me that when I didn't get that response I got let down. With little things like jokes or comments me and my ex were so compatible and could joke around all day. So instead of leaving the date going wow screw my ex, I left thinking I wish my ex wash here because we would of had such a good time.

    So i'm in the exact same boat as you, and also aren't sure what to do. What I plan on doing is just keep talking to girls and casually dating until that spark finally does come back and then that will be the girl who will hopefully make me forget me ex completely.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    158
    Where pretty much in the same situation, so i'm looking for answers as well, but know that this must happen to a lot people. I got broken up with 2 months ago and have been NC for 1 month. I had my first date this past Saturday, and it went good, there were no awkward moments and we both generally had a good time. The weird thing is that before my ex I would have jumped at the opportunity to take this girl out on a date( I've know her since high school and hadn't seen her in 4 years.) But know she coming on to me and there is absolutely no spark from my side, She's sexy, nice and is an overall great girl. But on our date all I could think about was my ex, I think I was so used to getting a response like my ex would of gave me that when I didn't get that response I got let down. With little things like jokes or comments me and my ex were so compatible and could joke around all day. So instead of leaving the date going wow screw my ex, I left thinking I wish my ex wash here because we would of had such a good time.

    So i'm in the exact same boat as you, and also aren't sure what to do. What I plan on doing is just keep talking to girls and casually dating until that spark finally does come back and then that will be the girl who will hopefully make me forget me ex completely.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    2,687
    Whoever told you that feelings for the go away when you meet someone new, was lying. Actually, it is very selfish to use someone to get over someone else-not saying that's you.
    You will read numerous stories-including me-on this site about people being badly hurt b/c the person they were dating had not moved on.
    Do this girl a favor, take some time to figure out if you want a reconciliation, or want to move on with your life. Please don't drag her into this, it isn't fair!

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  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    30
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    I agree with Hollyj. It doesn't sound like your ready to date right now. You should really figure out what you want regarding your ex. If you really feel the need to try dating just to get out there then go ahead, but if you don't feel the spark after a few dates then just end it there. If that feeling of "love" isn't there now (no matter how "great" you say she is) going to show up anytime after and someone will get hurt.

    IMO to get over someone you need to be in a good place. Meeting just anyone isn't enough, especially when it seems like you're not really over your ex yet. You should be ok on your own. Eventually you'll think of that person less and then you'll meet someone else who not only takes your mind off your ex but enriches your life. Before you know it, you'll have stopped thinking of your ex in that longing way and then I think you'll have "moved on."

  7. #6
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    542
    I think in your case you are not ready to date. I believe you can always have feelings for an ex, and as long as its in a healthy way AND the current person the feelings are growing/becoming more, fine. HOWEVER , in your case, you don't have feelings for the girl.

    It's different for everyone and I truly believe depending on the relationship you might never lose all feeling for the ex.. it will come in waves. I was broken up from mine for 5 months, met someone, everything was fine and I KNEW I was moved on enough. But, ex came back for reconciliation and some feelings came back. My case is different though because my feelings for new person keep developing, along with other factors.

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