He likes me... but still has a girlfriend

He and his gf are constantly on and off. He'd always talk to me at work, and was very nice to me. During their recent off period he messaged me, and we started talking. A week later he asked me out, but he had to cancel. His ex wanted to talk. A few days later they're back together. He says he "doesnt want to lose a good friend like me." He asks to hang out a few days later. I agree thinking maybe he will want to talk about us...but he just wanted to hang out. I was mad and told him I didnt feel right hanging out if he's in a relationship. He justified it saying how they were on break (AGAIN) but I felt used and was mad. A few days later they're back together. This time he says he doesnt know why he went back.

One day I see him at work when I'm off. After I leave he texts saying "wow you looked pretty." I thank him and brush it off as a peacemaking attempt. We became friends again. A few weeks later we start hanging out as friends. One night after we hung out he texts "youre cute..." Again I thank him and brush it off. He asked for a picture of me one day, I sent one and he said I looked pretty. He sent one back and I said he was handsome.

One night these guys were trying to get my attention when i was walking in shorts and I told him about how its annoying i got attention from them but not from the guy i want attention from (him). He said trust me you are a very very gorgeous girl! I didnt wanna be like staring at you when you got in the car! lol I said thanks and that hes quite handsome himself. He said he loves my smile and my eyes are breathtaking. The flirting continued.. and i knew he liked me as more than a friend. So i asked him if he could see us dating in the future. He said yes, youre a beautiful girl and I would love to take you out on a date in the future, but he didnt know when that would be. Everything is so confusing right now...I love everything about you! he told me.

I dont know what to do about this guy! Everything is great...except he wont end it with her! Hes not a player type of guy! Hes just too nice to break up with her and keeps giving her all these chances.

How is going behind his girlfriend's back by flirting with you, and leading you on being nice?

If he liked you so much he would be with you, and taking ACTION to be with you, not all of this hot air. Sorry, but that's the truth.

I wouldn't want to be with a guy like him who flirts behind his girlfriend's back, but that's just me.

sorry, he's not a nice guy.

if he were he'd sort out his current relationship before even considering looking elsewhere.

he really isn't being fair to you or his GF

This guy has bad news written all over him. For your own safety steer clear nothing good can come of this.

Think of this, what if you do start dating and his ex comes back? does his on/off pattern show that he can really truly let go? and if he's doing this behind his gfs back whats to say he wont do it to you?

There's plenty of guys out there I'm sure you can find one that's not in a relationship.

If he really thinks youre beautiful and loves everything about you, why hasnt he broke up with his gf? Maybe he still has feelings for her and maybe shes the one who understands him. Guys are hard to figure out at times, hes definitely flirting with you but its not nice that hes doing behind his gfs back,how can u trust this guy if u go out with him

lovesick, he likes flirting with you and getting attention from you but that's it. He's never going to date you.

You like him more than he likes you.

Basically just going to support what everyone else posted above.

He wants one foot in one boat and another foot in another boat.

Think about it - If you guys start dating and he gets to know another cute chick, chances are he's going to go out with her behind YOUR back. You wouldn't want that now, would you?

Thank you for all the responses. I agree that he needs to make a decision and not continue leading both of us on! Everythime I try to bring up our possible future he says how complicated and mind boggling all this is for him and I never get the answers I want to hear. I recently asked again and right now he's been pulling away from me. But he also is pulling away from her. I can see her facebook and she had a guy compliment her photo and she said "Thanks, you compliment me more than my boyfriend does!" And she posted a video link to the song "Dont wanna miss a thing", which is about missing someone. But a few days later she removed it. I think they're going through a rough patch yet again.

Someone said I am more into him than hes into me....it kinda depends on the day. He flirts with me more than i flirt with him because I dont feel right flirting with a taken guy. Thats why I usually just say hes handsome. haha Hes the one who usually askes me to hang out, but since our feelings have come out into the open we have not hung out. I have thought about if hes doing this to her he could do it to me....but i guess i justify it by the fact that shes a B**** so hes looking for someone else.

I know there are other untaken guys, but I have a feeling he will be single yet again very soon. This is my first attempt to move on from my bad breakup and the first guy to really show intrest in me. He treats me better as a friend than my ex did as a girlfriend!

And also I know hes really into me and not "Playing me" because of the way he looks at me and how he seems to get all nervous when im around. And hes shy like me, so hes not a huge flirt or anything. If he was a player he would be pressuring for physical things I would think...right? He and I havent even held hands becuase we dont feel right about it. He is still respecting the boundries, yes he is testing them, but he is respecting them none the less.

By more into him than he's into you, I mean that you seem to have more invested in this. He's happy to have his gf and flirt with you, you're the one who's got this on her mind so much.

At the end of the day, he's still more into his girlfriend and his relationship with her.

Make the decision to back off for yourself. He has no reason to do so.

By more into him than he's into you, I mean that you seem to have more invested in this. He's happy to have his gf and flirt with you, you're the one who's got this on her mind so much.

 

At the end of the day, he's still more into his girlfriend and his relationship with her.

 

Make the decision to back off for yourself. He has no reason to do so.

Ok I see what you meant now..And yes I do have more invested since Im the one who put myself out there and told him i wish we could be more. And Im hoping for a relationship where he still has one and is having his cake and eating it too so to speak.

I just feel that if i back off then i have no chance. But if i stick around when things eventually go downhill for their relationship yet again hopefully we will be together.

But if i stick around when things eventually go downhill for their relationship yet again hopefully we will be together.

But how many of their downturns have you seen? It seems they could do this for quite a while.

lovesick, only people with low self esteem hang around waiting for someone's relationship to end (which may or may not ever happen). It takes real confidence and it's VERY attractive to instead say, "I would like to be with you, but since you're not in a position to be in a relationship at the moment, I'm asking for space and that you respect it. If you are ever in a position to date, then you may contact me, otherwise good luck with life."

It really isn't that complicated. If he wanted to break up with her, he would. No-one is forcing him to stay with her. Yes, it's awkward to break up with someone. But if you thought you had met the love of your life but you happened to be in a relationship with someone else at the time, you would do whatever it took to be with them, even if it meant going through with the awkwardness of breaking up with someone. He needs to man up and act like an adult, not like some victim "stuck" in a relationship. I know it's easier for you to see him as the victim stuck in a dilly of a pickle, but the reality is, he likes being with his girlfriend (otherwise he wouldn't be with her) but he also like the attention you give him. It's easier to blame her and the situation than to look at things and see that he is making excuses.

Yes he is making excuses. And I am growing tired of it! He does play the innocent victim role quite often. One day I even asked him if you wanted to change your relationship status you would have by now right? And again he claimed how confused he is by this situation and wouldnt commit to anything! So irritating! Then i said i hope he gets it worked out and that ill get a chance with him. And he said he did too. Hes the one who can make that happen...I cant! ugh

Tonight he and her came into my work to buy a few groceries and he didnt even look at me That hurt like no other. Shes the crazy jealous type who accuses him of flirting with any girl he looks at wrong...but he and I work together, he could of atleast said hello to me!

But how many of their downturns have you seen? It seems they could do this for quite a while.

I have seen 2...and yes Im slowely starting to realise that fact unfortuanetly. I guess I just keep hoping the closer he and i get the more likely he will end it with her the next time they get into an argument. But so far no such luck.

Shes the crazy jealous type who accuses him of flirting with any girl he looks at wrong...

Reading this post, I'm not sure she is "crazy jealous". I think she has a very poor boyfriend.

I did it everyone....I told him I couldnt talk to him anymore and to look me up if hes ever single. At first he didnt seem to get it and was like what you dont wanna talk to me anymore? Then i explained how i like him too much to just be friends and he seemed to take it well. I started crying though and I already miss him But I'm proud of myself for taking a stand. I just hope I did the right thing.

When you stop being so hung up on someone who is not available (no matter how much he plays he is), you'll have more of yourself available for a great guy.

Your confidence will rise now that you aren't hanging around for crumbs. In time you will see that a guy like him that chooses to flirt with girls behind his girlfriend's back, was not that much of a great catch anyway. Now you must stick to your words and don't give in. Don't worry about looking like a biatch. Too many women are concerned with seeming "nice" so some slimeballs will take advantage of that to make it work for them. If you need to ignore any messages or reject his calls - do it. It probably will come.

I was recently in this same position.

Long story short: I was with a guy, then met another guy who liked me too. I liked the new guy enough to break up with my boyfriend at the time, only to find out he had just went exclusive with another girl. Bad timing, right? Yes ok well this guy continued to flirt with me as he usually did even after him and his new gf paired off together. He would text me in the middle of the night and all that. He recently told me that he is sad that "he feels like he missed out on something good with me and hopes to have another chance with me SOMEDAY." In other words, he still likes me but he still wasn't breaking up with his girlfriend. Obviously he likes her or he wouldn't be with her. But I can also assume that he liked knowing that I was "there for him to take" if he wanted me. It's like having your cake and eating it too, without actually cheating on her with you, if you see what I'm saying.

I bet if you told this guy you weren't waiting around for him, he just might think twice about you vs his girlfriend. I'm not promising he would break up with her for you, but it would at least make him squirm a little bit and think about things. Try it.

When you stop being so hung up on someone who is not available (no matter how much he plays he is), you'll have more of yourself available for a great guy.

I hope you're right This guy was so perfect for me though....except for the girlfriend and commitment issues that is. I hope he either figures things out or I do meet a great guy!

Your confidence will rise now that you aren't hanging around for crumbs. In time you will see that a guy like him that chooses to flirt with girls behind his girlfriend's back, was not that much of a great catch anyway. Now you must stick to your words and don't give in. Don't worry about looking like a biatch. Too many women are concerned with seeming "nice" so some slimeballs will take advantage of that to make it work for them. If you need to ignore any messages or reject his calls - do it. It probably will come.

Yes I already feel more confident and in control of the situation...however I miss him and worry about him thinking I was mean like you pointed out. I explained everything pretty clearly i think saying that i cant keep this up and to contact me if hes single. And wished him the best. Thats all I can do right? And I know not to give in, Im past the hard part now..hopefully its all easier from here!

I was recently in this same position.

 

Long story short: I was with a guy, then met another guy who liked me too. I liked the new guy enough to break up with my boyfriend at the time, only to find out he had just went exclusive with another girl. Bad timing, right? Yes ok well this guy continued to flirt with me as he usually did even after him and his new gf paired off together. He would text me in the middle of the night and all that. He recently told me that he is sad that "he feels like he missed out on something good with me and hopes to have another chance with me SOMEDAY." In other words, he still likes me but he still wasn't breaking up with his girlfriend. Obviously he likes her or he wouldn't be with her. But I can also assume that he liked knowing that I was "there for him to take" if he wanted me. It's like having your cake and eating it too, without actually cheating on her with you, if you see what I'm saying.

 

I bet if you told this guy you weren't waiting around for him, he just might think twice about you vs his girlfriend. I'm not promising he would break up with her for you, but it would at least make him squirm a little bit and think about things. Try it.

Wow that is so close to what I'm going through! I know he likes me and his girlfriend. Somedays hes all flirty with me, but other days hes happy with her and wont give me much if any attention and that hurts! I felt second best to her! He was having his cake and eating it too indeed! I did tell him that I cant continue doing this and to contact me if hes single. I know there are no guarentees like you said... but I hope it will make him think now that he doesnt know Im right there whenever he wants.

I just feel that if i back off then i have no chance. But if i stick around when things eventually go downhill for their relationship yet again hopefully we will be together.

I'm sorry to say this, but this line makes me feel a bit nauseated. My ex used to flirt around a girl who was a mutual friend of ours, and while I don't blame her for the way she felt about him because it was his fault to a large extent, his relationship with her was one of the reasons for many of our problems. And yes, we broke up over and over again, but he did come back to me because I was always there for him in more ways than she could ever be. Let me tell you this - every relationship has its ups and downs. He obviously has something good going with her for him to stick on to her. You shouldn't be waiting in the background to cash in on their problems. Yes he flirted with you. Yes you are attracted to each other. But it sounds extremely mean to wait for you to get your chance the next time they both have problems. And if you try to get closer and closer to him so that when they break up the next time he would be more comfortable coming to you - that's emotional manipulation of him, and, frankly, you are one of the reasons why they are having problems. You're drawing closer to him and making him draw closer to you, which means that he cannot invest much emotionally in his relationship with the other girl. In one of your earlier posts you mentioned that you justify the whole thing by saying she is a B****. Well, you know only his side of the story. You don't know what he has been putting her through because of you or because of the fact that you two are flirting. You might be emotionally entangled because of the fact that he seems attracted to you. However, remember that if he can do stuff behind the back of a girl who has taken him back over and over again, he will do the same to you. Also, if you two do get together, he will always remember that you went for him even though you knew he was taken. And, believe me, that will reduce his respect for you in the long run. I sincerely hope you have the strength to back off from this before your relationship with him causes the other girl more heartbreak. And, from experience, let me also tell you that even if they do break up, there's no guarantee that he will come to you. My ex never went to the girl he flirted with for two years out of our four year relationship. In fact, the very fact that she pursued him while he was with me, put him off more than words can say!!!

Reading this post, I'm not sure she is "crazy jealous". I think she has a very poor boyfriend.

I agree. She has reason to be jealous. Her boyfriend doesn't deserve to be trusted, since he flirts with other women behind her back.

I did it everyone....I told him I couldnt talk to him anymore and to look me up if hes ever single. At first he didnt seem to get it and was like what you dont wanna talk to me anymore? Then i explained how i like him too much to just be friends and he seemed to take it well. I started crying though and I already miss him But I'm proud of myself for taking a stand. I just hope I did the right thing.

You did the right thing. I hope you find some guy who is more worthy of you - a single guy. He is not worth you, nor is he worth her.