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  1. #1
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    Husband flirting with best friend

    Ok, I'm curious to know if people think my husband and my best friend are crossing the line. About a year ago my husband and I met another couple who became our mutual best friends. All four of us are new to this town (as of a year ago) and don't have any family nearby. After we met we started spending a lot of time together, and now we probably see them 6 days a week and have them over at our house for dinner four nights a week. Even though we are all friends the girl has become my best friend and same situation with her fiance and my husband.

    My husband is a great guy and I don't think he is attracted to my friend or is looking for anything of a sexual nature, but he knows she finds him attractive (she told me and I told him). The other night they were both sitting next to each other on the couch and resting their bare feet on the same foot rest. The thing that I have a problem with is that they were sitting there with their feet touching. I can't tell if I'm paranoid and this is no big deal, or if it is ok that I am feeling uncomfortable with the situation. I also think that I am a little upset because every night they come over for dinner my husband always sits in his same spot on the couch, my friends fiance sits across from him in lazy boy chair, and while I am always the last one in the room because I am doing the dishes my friend always runs in and sits next to my husband on the couch. I don't want to be paranoid and ruin our friendship, but my feelings are hurt. When I talked to my husband about it he called me crazy and said I was delusional. HELP

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
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    I think it might be wise to spend less time with them. I mean, six days a week...? Maybe I'm just weird, but that would drive me insane, I would NEED some alone time with my husband.

    As for their feet touching...honestly, that would probably make me a bit uncomfortable, also. And the fact that she runs in and sits next to him before you get a chance is a red flag, in my opinion. She SHOULD be offering to help YOU with the dishes once in a while.

    The fact that your husband is calling you crazy and delusional is also a red flag. A loving, caring husband would be concerned about your feelings...sorry to say this, but it's been my experience in life than when they are, in fact, up to no good, they are usually quick to say YOU are just crazy.

  3. #3
    Silver Member jas56's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oneironaut View Post
    I think it might be wise to spend less time with them. I mean, six days a week...? Maybe I'm just weird, but that would drive me insane, I would NEED some alone time with my husband.

    As for their feet touching...honestly, that would probably make me a bit uncomfortable, also. And the fact that she runs in and sits next to him before you get a chance is a red flag, in my opinion. She SHOULD be offering to help YOU with the dishes once in a while.

    The fact that your husband is calling you crazy and delusional is also a red flag. A loving, caring husband would be concerned about your feelings...sorry to say this, but it's been my experience in life than when they are, in fact, up to no good, they are usually quick to say YOU are just crazy.
    Co-Sign! That was a little insensitive of your husband honestly.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member metrogirl's Avatar
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    I wouldn't be comfortable with them playing footsies either.
    I shared my spare on Feb 4th. Ask me about living kidney donation.

  5. #5
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    Damn I have a relationship with my best friend like that and all my girlfriends have hated it. I wish they would be cool with it cause I would never cheat...

  6. #6
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    Thanks for the advice. I totally agree about spending less time with them. The funny thing is that she does help with the dishes about half of the time, but she heads for the couch as soon as she knows I'm almost done. In my husbands defense, the way I began conversation about this probably caused him to get defensive. Instead of just saying it made me uncomfortable I also said I thought he was being flirtatious. In reality, I don't think he is attracted to her or is looking for anything sneaky, I just think that he feels a little too close. However, even though I've clarified that to him he still stands by the crazy and delusional comments.

  7. #7
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    that's your best friend....she is my best friend; not his

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's possible that you put him on the defensive, but the crazy and delusional thing still bothers me.

    It IS entirely possible that she is attracted to him and not vice-versa, but his first priority should be your marriage. Spending 6 days a week with another couple and dining with them 4 days a week is just far, far too much time, in my humble opinion. You may not know many other people in town, but is it really so bad to just spend some time alone with each other?

    I think you and him should sit down and have a rational conversation about this. Explain to him that the "footsies" is making you uncomfortable, and that honestly, YOU would like to be the one he sits next to on the couch, because you enjoy being next to him. You may consider telling him that you do trust him, but that she has told you that she's attracted to him and that makes you feel a bit nervous about what SHE may try.

    As your husband, it's partly his responsibility to make sure he's not giving another woman mixed signals, and frankly, allowing her to run to the couch and plop down next to him without speaking up and saying with a smile, "Actually, that seat is reserved for my [insert pet name here]" might be doing just that...and the footsies -definitely- must go.

    Just my opinion.

  9. #9
    Member natalie b's Avatar
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    If their feet were touching I would be really upset, if they were resting on the same foot rest not touching...probably not. It could be that she just feels sooo comfortable around you both she feels like part of your "group". Not sure, but I dont think you're wrong for getting upset. Im sure he wouldn't want your feet resting on his best friends.

  10. #10

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    I'd end this situation all together. All the signs are there. They'll cheat if you guys keep spending time together. 100% guaranteed. I'd go to counseling too - way wrong for him to be calling you cuckoo for being bothered that he has a new girlfriend.

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