Why am I being so insecure? Do I have reason to be?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months....im 24 and he is 27. When we started dating I just felt like he was "the one." And it was like he felt even stronger about me...he was constantly saying I was the girl for him, the perfect girl he had been searching for, that he just knew we were going to be together, get married, and start a family. I even tried to blow it off and say it was too early and we couldnt possibly know that but he said he just knew it and that he couldnt possibly imagine anyone more perfect for him.

He is the most amazing man....he always tells me he loves me, he treats me so good, would do anything for me. We never fight, we trust each other 100%, theres never been any jealousy. He texts me throughout the day, calls me when he says hes going to, has never blown me off. When we're together he is always holding my hand, rubbing my back....even when we are out and he is talking to someone else he reaches for my hand. He is always kissing me on the forehead, or neck, or hand. I cant say enough good about the way I am treated by him, it really amazes me.

His parents both really like me, his brother and sister in law have told him how much they approve of me and are happy for him, and just last night we went out with some of his friends, 2 of them being girls and they said to him right in front of me how much they like me and that he better never break up with me. Not to mention I believe I am a great girlfriend and have a lot going for me. I have a great job, own a home, have my life on the right track. So basically everything is great but for some reason I get these feelings where I get paranoid and kinda freak out thinking that his feelings for me are changing. Like if hes not as attentive to me or if he just says love ya instead of i love you or if he seems a little distant. Also, he used to want to see me almost every day....now its like hes content to see me 3 times a week. When I bring up the future its like hes hesitant to talk about it anymore....he used to be the one to bring it up. Now he never talks about us getting married or jokes that I am stuck with him for a long time. Today I said something like "I feel like we are going to be together for a long time," and he said "yep, a very long time" and then changed the subject.

Maybe its just the natural progression of a relationship once you get used to each other and the newness wears off. He just used to be practically obsessed with me to the point it was almost annoying and now I wish he was more like that. I just cant figure out if I have reason to be worried that his feelings are slowly changing or if I'm being crazy and insecure for no reason. Any insight or advice would be appreciated!!

Biologically relationships go through 3 chemical processes, the first ending approx 6 months after you're first spark. His hesitancy to talk about it more could just be him reaching his second process which would be him getting used to the idea of you being together and so doesn't feel the need to be anymore chatty about it.

If you have suspicions with him don't silently fish about because it'll just make him feel suspicious and insecure, and you won't find the real truth, or atleast the whole truth.

Anything you feel you're lacking from him just ask him for it, and if he does love you, and he can, he will provide.

I don't think you are being insecure for "no reason". His behavior is changing. From there, someone else will need to chime in because I'm not good at knowing how to handle these situations. I do know that sometimes pushing them to talk about it before they're ready can make them feel smothered. It seems, if you are able to do it, it would be best to make one gentle attempt to ask him about it, tell him how you feel and then get busy doing other things you enjoy again. Don't always be available and waiting when he decides to call. Redirect your focus on the things you enjoy and schedule him in when you can. I can't seem to do this myself (lol), because I feel like I am playing games, but if you can truly shift from within and accept that if he isn't as available you will accept the place he's in while moving forward to take care of yourself.

its like there are times when I am totally sure he is crazy about me....like last night we went to a benefit dinner and they had a little mini casino set up. I was gambling on this wheel of luck thing and kept winning and we were having a blast and he couldnt keep his hands off me and we were laughing. He didnt leave my side all night, kept kissing me. He won a basket in the raffle and said he entered the raffle to try to win it for me and he gave everything to me. And like last week he went away on vacation for 6 days with a bunch of guys for a golf trip and he kept texting me saying how much he missed me and couldnt wait to get home and hold me in his arms again. Then when he got home he said he missed me like crazy while he was gone and everyone is probably sick of hearing my name because he talks about me so much and he said I am constantly on his mind. Then today we were supposed to go to breakfast with his parents but I stayed at his house and only had my pajamas so I did not feel comfortable going to a restaurant. He begged and begged me to come, said he wanted me to come with them so badly. I still didnt go so he texted me saying "please stay and hang out with me when I get back." So I did and he even brought me breakfast back from the restaurant.

But yes he has changed in the way he acts towards me.....we used to turn a movie on and never watch it because we were content to lay there and talk and kiss. Now we turn a movie on and actually watch the movie. We used to lay in bed all night and talk til 4am even when he had to work in the morning but now he makes sure hes asleep by midnight. He used to always talk about sex with me, about how bad he wanted me, asked me if I was horny, asked me for naughty pictures.....he never does that anymore. We still have a healthy sex life, he initiates sex often, and he always says I turn him on.....but it doesnt happen as much and hes not as horny. Ive asked him about it and he said he was so horny before because it had been a long time since he had sex and now that hes getting it he doesnt crave it as much.

I guess I just need to know if this is normal.....its been a long time since Ive had a serious relationship (about 3 years) and ive never felt like ive found "the one" until now so Im just not sure if this is the way relationships are supposed to go once you get out of the honeymoon period. He does talk about the future, I mean just today he told me that we have a wedding to go to in July for one of his friends but it just seems like him talking about the two of us getting married have slacked off. One very important thing that I have not mentioned is the fact that he has genital herpes that he got from an ex girlfriend years ago who did not tell him she had it. I do not have herpes and he told me long before we ever messed around....so I respect him very much for that. But when he first told me I told him I could not continue dating him, that I just wanted to be friends and he was very upset and tried to change my mind everyday saying that I was the girl for him and I was the one and that I would never regret it if I decided to be with him. Eventually he wore me down and I decided to be with him and we use protection every day and I still do not have herpes. But the ONLY reason I changed my mind was because we were both so certain that we were it for each other....that we both found our perfect match because he have everything in common and are both exactly what we're looking for in a partner. I just knew in my mind that he was the guy Im going to marry and he said the same about me. Thats the only reason I decided to take a chance of getting herpes. And thats why Im so freaked out now that maybe hes not so certain that im "the one." Because if we continue in this relationship and I get herpes from him and we end up breaking up and I have to live with the virus and have to tell future partners about it and be faced with rejection......Im going to be devastated and dont know if I will ever forgive myself. Normally I would let this slide and not worry about it so much and just see what happens with us....but the whole herpes thing just complicates it because im afraid that while I wait around to see if his feelings change, I am going to get it in the meantime. The only thing I can think to do is stop having sex with him for awhile until I see if he really might still be "the one" but Im afraid that will backfire because hes going to get annoyed that I keep going back and forth about it. One day im fine with it the next day im not.

Okay, so first part of you message: it is totally normal for things to slow down. I personally don't like the honeymoon stage because of the extreme highs that are truly unrealistic to maintain. I personally keep things way slowed down so I don't lose touch with reality. But if you're a sky rocket type of person, you have to know that there is no way people can go on exerting that high a concentration of energy and attention into a relationship. And your body would get physically sick from it after awhile too. How long can you go on only a few hours of sleep at night? I would just try my best to keep communication open and learn ways to cultivate connection during those times.

Second part of your message: There is no reason you have to put yourself on the line in order to secure a relationship with a man. If he truly loves you, he can abstain or participate in safer sex acts with you until your relationship is stable and secure whether you see that as marriage or some other marker. I would not consider the relationship secure at this point. You are in the early stages and emotions and hormones are running high.

One other thing I'm picking up on is that it seems he kind of convinced you of this idea that you two were meant for each other. I'm kind of leery of men that tell me I'm the one or of spiritual confirmations that showed them I'm the one. It really all comes down to knowing someone and how well you connect and fit with each other in day to day life. Men that use hype are typically either insecure (which he probably is at least for the sake of his herpies) or users and cheaters - it's a way they take advantage of women. I'm not trying to cast unnecessary doubt on your relationship, but if you've gone into it based on hype and emotionalism, you may want to take some time and ask some realistic questions and make sure everything is kosher. Everything may be just fine and a normal experience of "coming down the slopes" but if you go into it blindly, you may have a rude awakening. Be open to really looking at what you see and the questions that come to your mind. Be objective or at least talk to someone who is objective in your family or friends.

OP we have very similar problem..my bf is just as sweet as yours,saying im the one, calls me everyday during lunch break (even we live together), always take me with him wherever he goes/never blow me off and such..but I ,every once in a while,get paranoid too. because he likes checking girls out. almost everyday. when i talked to him about it,he said all he thinks is "she's beautiful","she's not as much" and nothing more.also he assumed everyone gives a quick look if they see someone hot and it's nothing wrong. it sounds right, but i feel weird cuz he still likes to pay attention to all girls even he has me.

and he has many many female friends. he talks to all of them,being very friendly,and his friendliness is REAL easy to give them wrong idea.and truth is there are already several girls making moves on him. Such situation makes me insecure but i dont know if it's my problem or his cuz technically he isnt flirting and hasnt crossed any line..