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Why don't dumpers ever admit they are seeing someone else?


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I've been reading a ton of threads and notice this happens a lot (happened with my ex). A lot of times the dumper doesn't admit they are seeing someone else. Why do you think that is?

 

Granted, I know the dumper does not owe anything to the dumpee, but I find it interesting regardless of the situation (dumper is cold or nice or amicable or goes NC, etc)... b/c oftentimes the dumper is in fact seeing someone else already.

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If you are referring to the fact that they have started seeing someone else when they haven't yet dumped the first person...then yeah, they won't acknowledge it because then they would have to acknowledge the fact that they cheated...or had someone else lined up first before dumping you so that they won't have to be single.

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My ex did not tell me she was seeing anyone else because she still wanted me in her life as a fwb. She wanted to have her cake and eat it to. She was not sure this was the guy she wanted to be with and needed me as a back up. Once she met a guy she really liked she had no problem telling me.

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It also makes them look like a total jerk. No one likes that look. And I think the dumpers do owe their SO something, it's called honesty. I will never ever buy into the concept that because you end a relationship you don't owe that person anything anymore. You owe them a a good honest explanation for one. It's a cop-out to expect/accept anything less. I dunno. I gravitated away from the question a might. =p

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Live-n-learn - Your comments happened to me almost exactly.

 

My ex played me for 2 months until we had a fight, thats when I found out she was lying and had this guy lined up.

She was very cleaver.

They all cheat and hide it until you as the dumpee mess up NC.

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Once she met a guy she really liked she had no problem telling me.

 

YESSSSSS!!!!! I've noticed this A LOT with my friends! When the dumper is with someone they really really like (and I suppose see a long-term future with), only then do they typically admit it. Interesting.

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There would have to be a variety of reasons because not all people or circumstances are the same. In my case, it had nothing to do with not hurting my feelings. He has done lots to hurt my feelings - and the feelings of others, including members of his own family.

 

My dumper not only lied about his cheating, he tried to convince me (and probably everyone else), but mostly himself that I was not a good partner - this just started a few weeks prior to being dumped as far as I know. He deceived because he will never be able to face the truth about himself. He isn't the nice guy he tries to convince himself he is. This is probably why he suffers from severe insomnia and has for years.

 

The other reason, I suspect that my dumper didn't tell me about the other woman just in case it doesn't work out with her - so he can keep as many back-up options as possible.

 

My dumper needs to be a liar because apart from having had some academic success in his life, though it does look like the university may now deny him his pHd after several years of supposed work on his thesis, he really doesn't have much legitimately going for him. He is a fake and I wonder if there is actually a real person anywhere there.

 

He lied because he is a user of people, especially women, and once he has used up and sucked out the life-blood of this woman he will do the same to her as he has to me.

 

My dumper has absolutely no physical looks. He is very overweight, losing his hair and lots of unkind things I could say. There are people like him however who do manage to attract members of the opposite sex because they are liars, they know how people tick and how to manipulate them. Being honest would not fit in with his plans.

 

I had this done to me before so I have an idea of what to expect. Re my ex ex, saw him in the supermarket around 2 years later and didn't even recognise him. I wouldn't have either except he called out to me. I take heart in the fact that when I walked away from him, I wondered what it ever was I saw in him. So in time, maybe even already, I will feel the same as this one.

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I'm not sure why my ex did this to her boyfriend, and got with me... then left in the same fashion to go back to her ex except I caught her and broke up with her. I think she was keeping me on the backburner in case he wouldn't take her back. I figured out what was going on, asked her if she still had feelings for him and she said she needed time to figure it out. That was enough for me to break up with her and send her on her way.

 

If I didn't have good intuition she never would have told me what was going on. She felt guilty she cheated on him with me. She felt guilty the way she left him lying, but then did the same to me. She has depression issues and keeps a lot of her emotions in. I'm not sure the exact reason why besides the fact that she is a coward and a liar. I'm not inside that person's head so I will never know the real reason. I think it has to do with wanting to be happy, and she thinks she needs someone else to be happy. She chases that in love feeling and there for justifies her actions because she thinks it's right to do because she feels that way.

 

In all reality, she is just a weak person who is mentally worn down. She can't handle the suffering and the pain, so she avoids it at all costs. Even by cheating and lying. All this does however is make you worse inside. It does not allow healing and growing at the end of the relationship to take place. They do it to avoid suffering and pain, but they also avoid growing and learning. It's just going to prolong the inevitable, which is unhappiness until the day she decides to step back and be happy with herself. If not then more power to her, but I'm not going to be a guy that needs someone else to make him happy. I want someone who is happy with themself first as well as me.

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Live-n-learn - Your comments happened to me almost exactly.

 

My ex played me for 2 months until we had a fight, thats when I found out she was lying and had this guy lined up.

She was very cleaver.

They all cheat and hide it until you as the dumpee mess up NC.

 

Haha something similar happened to me. She broke up with me tuesday right, well that saturday night before we went to this bar for her friends birthday. I knew at that point she was distancing herself A LOT, and she deliberately made comments and was talking to me trying to piss me off and blow up at her so she would have a guilt free reason to break up. I didn't give her the satisfaction and that made it so much harder for her.

 

I didn't find out until two weeks later how involved she was with this person and yes, it was about two months that is started between them.

 

Never did I confront her with the evidence i uncovered, thank you facebook, and hopefully she is not reading my posts and putting the pieces together hahaha.

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Haha something similar happened to me. She broke up with me tuesday right, well that saturday night before we went to this bar for her friends birthday. I knew at that point she was distancing herself A LOT, and she deliberately made comments and was talking to me trying to piss me off and blow up at her so she would have a guilt free reason to break up. I didn't give her the satisfaction and that made it so much harder for her.

 

I didn't find out until two weeks later how involved she was with this person and yes, it was about two months that is started between them.

 

.

 

I really do feel so dumb. My ex was being extremely grumpy and critical, and I thought, "Poor G is going through a bad time." His sister was under the same inmpression. Such manipulative liars and cowards.

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Mine took the cowards way out as well. I called him out on the fact that there was another woman. He gave me total runnaround, saying things like I don't wanna talk about it. I said well I wanna know, he said well I don't wanna tell you...well sure enough the very next day she was at his house, and within one week after him leaving me they'd declared the relationship official on fb right in front of my face. I finally got a half ass explanation from him a month later when he said it was because he realized he had feelings for her and wanted to pursue. I don't really know how long that had been going on, but he did meet her about 2 months earlier...I can't even figure out how he was seeing her with me around. He had school during the day and she doesn't go to the same school he does. I was there with him at night, I almost suspect he may have been texting her and talking online.

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Well Lady, mine was texting me "I love and adore you 2 weeks prior to being dumped." I do recall him telling me how a woman at a work conference had gone up to him and told him she felt she knew him because she had been reading his project submissions and she thought his work was absolutely wonderful. He would have been seeing her through the day and at work. I recall one instance a few weeks prior to the break where he was talkng to me and reading his texts. He had never done that in the 4 years he had been with me. As he was reading the texts, he was giving me basically a whole quote of another text which he said was from a client telling him how wonderful he is. I asked if he was reading it from the phone. He looked flustered and said no then put the phone down.

 

Oh, and he even told me when he said he wanted the time out, that it would be good for ME if I took his dog to the property where I live on my days off. Truth is, he is a fat b* who is too lazy to even walk his poor dog. Everyone in his life has a use for him, and this woman will be no different, no matter how pretty, talented, nice . . . she is there to be of some benefit to him.

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Well Lady, mine was texting me "I love and adore you and miss you" (when I was at work) 2 weeks prior to being dumped. I do recall him telling me how a woman at a work conference had gone up to him and told him she felt she knew him because she had been reading his project submissions and she thought his work was absolutely wonderful. That would have been nice for the BIG Baby's ego. He would have been seeing her through the day and at work. I recall one instance a few weeks prior to the break where he was talkng to me and reading his texts. He had never done that in the 4 years he had been with me. As he was reading the texts, he was giving me basically a whole quote of another text which he said was from a client telling him how wonderful he is. I asked if he was reading it from the phone. He looked flustered and said no then put the phone down.

 

Oh, and he even told me when he said he wanted the time out, that it would be good for ME if I took his dog to the property where I live on my days off. Truth is, he is a fat b* who is too lazy to even walk his poor dog. Everyone in his life has a use for him, and this woman will be no different, no matter how pretty, talented, nice . . . she is there to be of some benefit to him.

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Yep silver, mine was still texting me and telling me he loved me that he missed me and was fine with coming to dinner with my family like nothing was up and he least he made our last night together count....

 

Get this, my ex not only said she loved me, we were going to go out to dinner with her mom that night. She decided to tell me she was moving out, and still wanted to be with me AND go out to dinner. I was like you're kidding me right? Next day she met her ex for lunch, I found out about it and it was over. Actually it may have been the same day. Funny thing is he actually told me by email what exactly was said and was going on. HE exposed her lying to me, and then he still took her back.

 

Day's later she calls me telling me she doesn't know what to do because nobody has ever treated her as good as me, and she doesn't want to lose the best thing that ever happened to her... My reply guess what, I'll make that choice for you. It's over. Week later she's back with him. Haven't heard from her since.

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Well I pretty much made her peace out, but she has depression issues, so I was still there for her to a point. Calm, not angry and understanding. Now though I admit after some time it really pissed me off. I still don't think she knows what the hell she wants besides that IDEA of love she chases. But oh well, not my problem anymore

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