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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heidi90 View Post

    I do know that when me and my previous ex broke up absence definitely didn't make my heart grow fonder!
    But did you break up with him?
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCforME View Post
    But did you break up with him?
    It was mutual, but he came back after two months and wanted to try again. I was way over him!

  4. #43
    Bronze Member Kailynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCforME View Post
    I think men typically are better at compartmentalizing their issues. Women's emotions are much stronger usually when it comes to these kind of things but I think it actually helps them get over it completely once they do. Since guys tend to compartmentalize I think they can carry it with them longer.

    The only other issue I have seen that is more the case with guys is when they are with girls for months because they had nothing better going on and they never loved the girl. Girls typically won't do that kind of nonsense. These are who I call douches and there are a lot of them sorry ladies.
    Well for sure, if the guy never cared for you at all, and this goes for girls as well, no amount of time apart is going to change that. I dated a guy once simply because I felt bad telling him no. It was 8 months of a reltionship I didn't really want to be in. When I broke up with him I cried, not because I was sad it was over but, because I was sad I had hurt him. It was selfish..but I was also 17. Now, for the serious relationship..one that involves talks of marriage, genuine feelings of care as well as compatability than there is certianly no reason to suspect that he or she won't think of you.

    I'd even go so far and venture to say that if the relationship wasn't doomed to fail to begin with, meaning their wasn't any cheating or abuse or the like, it's highly probable for time apart to help BOTH the dumper and the dumpee. I find relationships that end on "good terms" are rarely forever and more often than not are a product of bad timing and confusion for both parties. Unfortunately, it's not until after you're away for a significant amount of time that personal growth and understanding of the relationship when it's not so "close to home" that it happens.

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kailynn View Post
    I'd even go so far and venture to say that if the relationship wasn't doomed to fail to begin with, meaning their wasn't any cheating or abuse or the like, it's highly probable for time apart to help BOTH the dumper and the dumpee. I find relationships that end on "good terms" are rarely forever and more often than not are a product of bad timing and confusion for both parties. Unfortunately, it's not until after you're away for a significant amount of time that personal growth and understanding of the relationship when it's not so "close to home" that it happens.
    My ex did say to me that two months would be too soon for us to get back together because if it happened then it would have to be a new relationship after we have had time alone and to grow ourselves. Now, he didn't say that this would definitely happen so neither of us are waiting for the other but it is interesting in relation to what you just said!

  6. #45
    Platinum Member doyathink's Avatar
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    Absence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder. In fact...time gives me a better perspective of who he really is. Once I remove that person from my life....then the clearer picture comes into play. Right after a break up I usually only think of the good things about him....after being apart for a while then I see all the reasons I dont want him back.
    Don't dwell on what went wrong, Instead focus on who to punch first

  7. #46
    Bronze Member Kailynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heidi90 View Post
    My ex did say to me that two months would be too soon for us to get back together because if it happened then to make it work then it would have to be a new relationship after we have had time alone and to grow ourselves. Now, he didn't say that this would definitely happen so neither of us are waiting for the other but it is interesting in relation to what you just said!
    Mine said something along the lines of "I won't rule us out for the future but, I don't know where I'll be in 2 months or 2 years. I'm not happy with the direction the relationship is going and things need to change"

    So, I apologized for my end, gave him a hug, and haven't really spoken to him since. If he was an a-hole I'd assume it's because he's got another girl lined up, however this was the same guy who was crying to his mom about losing me 30 days before. So, I've refrained from talking to him and it's been an awful experience. Two months into our breakup and just over a month of NC hasn't made ANYTHING better. He's coming home from grad school tomorrow and we have yet to exchange our belongings, even though I've requested that he mail them and I tried to get him to drop them off while he was home for his break, no such luck. It's been a frustrating experience because it wasn't a break up of "I hate you, leave me alone" just a "I'm not happy, things need to change." I always liked it better when I got an FU not an uncertainty.

  8. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kailynn View Post
    Well for sure, if the guy never cared for you at all, and this goes for girls as well, no amount of time apart is going to change that. I dated a guy once simply because I felt bad telling him no. It was 8 months of a reltionship I didn't really want to be in. When I broke up with him I cried, not because I was sad it was over but, because I was sad I had hurt him. It was selfish..but I was also 17. Now, for the serious relationship..one that involves talks of marriage, genuine feelings of care as well as compatability than there is certianly no reason to suspect that he or she won't think of you.

    I'd even go so far and venture to say that if the relationship wasn't doomed to fail to begin with, meaning their wasn't any cheating or abuse or the like, it's highly probable for time apart to help BOTH the dumper and the dumpee. I find relationships that end on "good terms" are rarely forever and more often than not are a product of bad timing and confusion for both parties. Unfortunately, it's not until after you're away for a significant amount of time that personal growth and understanding of the relationship when it's not so "close to home" that it happens.
    Well Kailynn, for my own sake I hope you are right because that sounds like my relationship. I'm 25 and had to move home with my parents to finish grad school and I think she started resenting me for it over 9 months until we broke up. Big distance physically and emotionally formed in really great relationship and I didn't fight the break on bit. I only told her I was willing to work on it and left it at that.

    Well thats sucks you hurt him, you obviously weren't emotionally strong at 17 but none of us really were. I still run into guys though you I think are incapable of love. I don't see this as much in women. Guys who think cheating is as natural as breathing. Some of these men are even married. I have really only ever met a few girls my whole life who thought nothing of cheating it does seem to be skewed in my experience toward men acting this way. Some of these men are even married.
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by doyathink View Post
    Absence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder. In fact...time gives me a better perspective of who he really is. Once I remove that person from my life....then the clearer picture comes into play. Right after a break up I usually only think of the good things about him....after being apart for a while then I see all the reasons I dont want him back.
    That's interesting because many people say that in time the bad memories fade and the good start to resurface. But actually yeah I'd say the same happened with me and my previous ex, and when I think of him now it's kind of a 'why was I with him?' mentality. My relationship with my current ex was a million times better so I don't worry about him remembering bad things over time, because there weren't really any. But I definitely think this is an interesting point!

  10. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by doyathink View Post
    Absence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder. In fact...time gives me a better perspective of who he really is. Once I remove that person from my life....then the clearer picture comes into play. Right after a break up I usually only think of the good things about him....after being apart for a while then I see all the reasons I dont want him back.
    And what happens if after you get over them emotionally you still respect them? I think when that happens often people try again. I've seen it happen.
    "Become the change you want to see in the world"
    --Gandhi

  11. #50
    Bronze Member Kailynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCforME View Post
    Well Kailynn, for my own sake I hope you are right because that sounds like my relationship. I'm 25 and had to move home with my parents to finish grad school and I think she started resenting me for it over 9 months until we broke up. Big distance physically and emotionally formed in really great relationship and I didn't fight the break on bit. I only told her I was willing to work on it and left it at that.

    Well thats sucks you hurt him, you obviously weren't emotionally strong at 17 but none of us really were. I still run into guys though you I think are incapable of love. I don't see this as much in women. Guys who think cheating is as natural as breathing. Some of these men are even married. I have really only ever met a few girls my whole life who thought nothing of cheating it does seem to be skewed in my experience toward men acting this way. Some of these men are even married.
    I think that's because when a girl wants to be out of a relationship so often gets herself out of it. A man, and some women, cheat because something in their relationship is missing. Perhaps it's communication, intimacy, or even something as simple as her being unsupportive but, like they do with their feelings, men choose to solve the problem by "finding a solution" instead of actually "working on it" IE: find a hot girl who has what he's looking for instead of facing the issue he has with his partner..even if he loves her.

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