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Thread: What does it mean if an ex wants to be friends?

  1. #1
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    What does it mean if an ex wants to be friends?

    So, I have done my research on the net, and I think I understand why my ex who broke up with me in November and said we could stay friends and tried to keep a little bit of contact through facebook even though I didn't respond to any of it....because he still probably had feelings and wanted to still keep me in his life in some way as he tried to move on. But, he and I haven't had any interaction since January (I'm counting from January since that's when he stopped his facebook Likes on my statuses and pictures) and he might be more moved on...yet, I heard he told a friend that he hopes to be friends in the future and to tell me he said hello. I'm just wondering what anyone thinks that's about? After FOUR MONTHS after BU, I heard about this "tell her I said hello and I'm happy to hear she is doing good " and this hope for friendship in the future.

    So, what does it mean when an ex wants to/plans to be your friend in the future? What does it mean if they are thinking/hoping about this a few months post BU?
    Is this a bad sign or a good sign.

    Also, what is there to gain from being friends with me? It really hasn't been too long post BU yet, so why might he already be planning and hoping to be friends unless there is some sort of outcome or something he thinks he might gain from it...
    Last edited by paigem; 03-28-2011 at 02:03 AM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member 22n32's Avatar
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    this is not always the case.. but generaly

    for men its sex..

    for women its to keep options open and keep u on the backburner..

  3. #3
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    It depends on the situation. Maybe he just wants see you as a friend more than someone who he can reconcile with. Or maybe it's the idea of being friends make him feel that the BU had a good ending to the both of you.

    My ex wants to be friends with me too. He said that he'll stay in touch with me. But for me, just let him be. Don't care about what he wants for the both of you. Care about what you want to make your life better. Let him feel that you're in control and you're not expecting anything from him, whether friends or not.

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    Gold Member Robin2904's Avatar
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    I think it can be the latter for men also 22n32. I think sometimes they (Both male and female) just want to know you'll always be there. By keeping someone as a friend they can always go back if they decide to. It kind of sucks and I'm going through something similar now.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
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    A friend to them is just a friend that you don't see much, it's like how ton of us have 'facebook friends' but we don't necessarily keep in touch with all of them.. they don't want to FULLY cut you out of their lives but they also don't really want you in it either in my opinion. Just a way of easing things.. I'd delete from facebook if you still have feelings for him.

    If you want ANY hope of reconciliation even though it's slim to begin with, you have to disappear. Also this helps you heal. By being around, even by letting his access your facebook page, you're just helping him move on. Mine left me in December and only after I did these things did he actually start behaving crazy because they are used to you hanging around.

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    jumper11, well the way we are right now is basically facebook friends who dont talk or see each other. But we also don't even do anything anymore on each other's facebook pages or anything. So, could he really genuinely want to be friends in the future? Because clearly he doesn't mean how we are NOW which is friends who don't see each other or talk or anything. I know he means friends who can hang out and talk and text. Because he has a lot of friends who are girls who he texts and talk with and especially a few exes. It's just so strange to hope for the idea and then profess it to my friend knowing she might tell me. It's like, why?

    And when did you stop the facebook contact? Right away after your BU? I do hope for reconciliation but it seems hopeless. It's been four months so deleting him probably is pointless since he maybe moved on completely.

  8. #7
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
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    It took me 2 months after the breakup, it took me finding ENA. 2 months since I *fully* stopped any contact.. and that's when I deleted him from facebook. You're best deleting him, I thought the same as you, but by keeping facebook open to him, you're letting him see you if you know what I mean. If you delete him and change your settings to friends only he can only see your profile pic and name. Your break up really wasn't all that long ago and its NEVER too late to do something that will help you. Even if you don't use facebook every day, you are allowing him to see your pics and to see what you're up to.. plus the best thing is by deleting him you are taking a stand for yourself, and making it clear that this *isn't* okay. Plus it helps your healing..

    So it's never too late. It took me 2 months, and ever since, things have really gone for the better. PM me if you want

  9. #8
    Member Alpha Ghaz's Avatar
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    My ex wanted to stay friend with me too. I know its just to keep me around as a safety net, which infuriates me even more since she * * * * on all the trust I had for her.

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by paigem View Post
    So, I have done my research on the net, and I think I understand why my ex who broke up with me in November and said we could stay friends and tried to keep a little bit of contact through facebook even though I didn't respond to any of it....because he still probably had feelings and wanted to still keep me in his life in some way as he tried to move on. But, he and I haven't had any interaction since January (I'm counting from January since that's when he stopped his facebook Likes on my statuses and pictures) and he might be more moved on...yet, I heard he told a friend that he hopes to be friends in the future and to tell me he said hello. I'm just wondering what anyone thinks that's about? After FOUR MONTHS after BU, I heard about this "tell her I said hello and I'm happy to hear she is doing good " and this hope for friendship in the future.

    So, what does it mean when an ex wants to/plans to be your friend in the future? What does it mean if they are thinking/hoping about this a few months post BU?
    Is this a bad sign or a good sign.

    Also, what is there to gain from being friends with me? It really hasn't been too long post BU yet, so why might he already be planning and hoping to be friends unless there is some sort of outcome or something he thinks he might gain from it...
    that's a good question.

    maybe it's nothing other than a desire for platonic friendship. sometimes relationships don't work as relationships...but they thrive as friendships. i know most of us that have been broken up with don't care to entertain that possibility...because usually we're so focussed on the outcome of getting back together that we're completely blind to the obvious realities of the situation. we see what we want to see.

    but...really...if you can't see being ''just a friend''...try not to delude yourself into thinking that it's going to work out any other way. if someone says he wants to be a friend...what reason could you have to take that for anything other than face value? easy to overanalyze...try to find meaning where there is no meaning. sometimes things are only as complicated as we choose to make them.
    Rest in natural great peace
    This exhausted mind
    Beaten helpless by karma and neurotic thought,
    Like the relentless fury of the pounding waves
    In the infinite ocean of samsara.

    "Think not of the faults of others, of what they have done or not done.
    Think rather of your own faults, of the things you have done or not done."

  11. #10
    Member Love145's Avatar
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    As the dumper, for me being friends is leaving a door open. Having someone I trust so much around in case I ever need him. Also a way to know what he's doing and how his life is going; you can call it control if you want to. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend, so it also makes me feel less guilty knowing I've him as a friend.

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