Break up after 5 years:( feeling very confused.

My boyfriend recently broke up with me (5 days ago) he said that he feels we have grown apart and he doesn't love me in the same way anymore, he thinks over the time I have become more of a best friend to him. He says he still cares about me but just not in the same way. What is really hard for me is that it came out of nowhere to me. Yeah in the past we have had fights, almost broken up but then worked things out. This time there was no fight, nothing. I just came home one day and he said its over. Now he wants space but says things a defiantly over and we can never get back together. I tried to say maybe we just need some time apart to sought our life out but he keeps saying nothing will change his mind. Yeah I admit that over time our relationship has become more of a routine and we have taken each other for granted but can't some time apart change that? I guess I just still really care about him and don't know what to do.

I'm going through something similar, although my relationship wasn't quite as long. Ex girlfriend told.me she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and she needs to focus on herself, told me she still loves me and will miss me tons, heck, she even acknowledged that our problems are quite fixable but she doesn't want to try. Anyway, all the advice I have gotten here is to go no contact. Let him be alone and respect his decision and this will speed up your healing process as it's harder to get over someone when you continue talking. Also, there is the chance that if you don't contact him that he will miss you more and he will reflect on his decision and perhaps change his mind, people sometimes don't truly appreciate something until it's gone.

I understand that I need to give him the space but I am just finding it so hard. We live together but he is staying at a friends at the moment. It's so hard to go from talking to someone everyday for 5 years to just stop all of a sudden. It's really turned my life upside down. His family are like my own, we have all the same friends, I have had to quit my job because I need to move out. I feel like I am loosing everything and it just seems so easy for him. How can someone just give up on 5 years so easy? I am going away to my sisters for a while to get try and keep my mind off things.

The exact same thing happened to me back in January. I'm so sorry because you are in the midst of the pain and confusion. I will say that it gets better. I basically went NC with him and I have now gotten past the pain to the point that we can exchange simple emails to keep up with each other. I still don't understand what happened but the pain does lessen with time. We also ended with no animosity and I do hope we can stay in touch. Maybe not best friends but at least remain in each others lives. I had to take a few months of not talking to him though in order to heal enough to get to this place and he understood that. Best of luck to you.

Yeah, my ex and I dated for 5 1/2 years and 2 months ago he broke up with me because he felt we grew apart and his feelings changed and he said he didn't know why. He was my first boyfriend ever. I couldn't take the pain and immediately went "no contact", decided that I don't want to dwell on the pain, and do whatever I could to keep me busy in life and make it better. Within a month I was seeing someone else casually and honestly it helped me get over him a lot easier. I still love my ex and I think I always will but it's time for me to move on and focus on the future.

At first I kept day dreaming about us being together and kept wondering "WHY?!" and "How could I have prevented this?" or "If only..." but it does get better.

The first thing you have to do is to understand that he has thought this through. It may seem like a shock to you, but he has been thinking about it for a long time and by the time he broke up with you, there's nothing you can do to change his mind. Don't settle for being friends because that will just make it harder for you to move on. Let him live with the consequence of breaking up with you. Delete him from facebook too. I know you want to beg and plead and talk him into coming back, but it's over so accept it. The way you want to act, clinging onto him, you must do a complete 180 of how you WANT to act. If he comes back to you for a relationship, that's great. But from what you've written the feelings are not there, so the best thing to do is to accept it, respect his decision (trying to change his mind is not respecting his decision), and take time out for yourself.

I'm going through the same thing. My live in boyfriend of 5 years dumped me out of the blue too. We aren't kids...both of us in our 50s, but this kind of thing doesn't know an age. We were getting along great around Christmas. We laughed all the time, had great times, enjoyed the same things. Or so I thought. He kept trying to start petty arguments with me. It was so unlike him. Then he finally said he wanted to break up. He wanted to be alone forever. I have to admit I was very angry. We had just moved to a new place...signed a one year lease. I even asked him if he was sure about another one year commitment before we signed. I found the perfect place, talked to the landlord, and had it looking so cute and homey. I thought we finally found the place we would live in for years. I was wrong. HE found the place he would live in for years. He could never let go of his ex wife and ex gf in another state where his grown children lived. Two months after he told me he wanted to split...he went to visit his kids...and told me he was also going to his ex wifes birthday party. Just a few months before that he wouldnt go accross town to my birthday party. I tried to hang on to the relationship we had. I stayed with him because I had no money, had just lost my summer job, and had nowhere to go. Well..when he told me he was going accross country to her birthday party...I decided that was more than a slap in my face..it was like he spit in my face. The day after he left...I packed up and moved out. I didnt leave a note or call or anything. A week later I moved out the rest of my belongings. I havent had any contact with him now for 11 days. But the two months I lived with him after we "broke up" was pure torture. I missed him for a while...but when I think of things he said and did to me in those two months, I don't want to be with him any more. Now I am planning my future without him in it. Its hard to imagine you were with your best friend for five years, speaking every day, seeing each other every day....and all of a sudden...they arent in your life. But like I said....I know it gets easier..and I will be okay...

Hey Lunaface,

Just wondering how did things end up with you ex? Did you get back together? If not, how long did it take you to accept, or move on? I am going to exactly the same thing now and i felt like it was me who had written your post. Just looking for some insight.

Firefly