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Thread: He dumped me without an explanation and Im losing my mind!! Pls help!!!

  1. #1

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    He dumped me without an explanation and Im losing my mind!! Pls help!!!

    I really need answers cuz im losing my mind over this. I met this guy on facebook and we sent each other messages at first, then i found out that his dad and my dad were friends in high school. We exchanged phone numbers and started calling and skyping each other everyday. We started having feelings for each other. We even gave each other pet names. I was always the last person he talked to before he went to bed. Sometimes, he would fall asleep while skyping cuz he would be tired from work. Sometimes, he would call me from work to tell me he's been thinking about me all day and how much i mean to him. The whole time we were skyping, we never talked sexual. Everytime it was almost going that route, we both stop, saying we don't wanna make this relationship about sex. We both decided not to have sex with anyone else until we see each other. We talked about marriage, family, our careers, values, beliefs, everything. He has a great job and was planning to buy a house. He told me he's ready to settle down and i said i was too. He told his friends and some of his family members about me. I even spoke to them on the phone. He told me one of the most important thing to him in a relationship is TRUST and if that trust is broken once, there's no second chance for him cuz he wouldn't be able to trust her anymore. He said he wanted a good woman and a good wife and someone he can trust completely.

    He lives in the UK and i live in the US, so he decided to fly to pay me a visit. Meanwhile, we had been communicating over a month. The first day he came, i picked him up at the airport. We saw each other and hugged for at least 5 minutes. I was so nervous and shaking cuz he is so gorgeous and i liked him a lot!! I started driving from the airport to his hotel. We got lost for a while cuz the airport is like an hr from my house and i didn't have my GPS or the directions i wrote down. I also don't go there often. He teased me about it and we both laughed it off. He complemented me about my looks throughout the whole drive, even when i got out of the car to pay for gas. I noticed he kept checking me out and told me how gorgeous i looked.

    Anyways, we finally got to the hotel and we immediately started kissing after we got into his room. We started kissing passionately and taking off each other's clothes. He pulled me to the bed and kissed some more. I stopped him and told him we need to talk and take it slow cuz we just met in person. We stopped, but started kissing again and i guess i got really into it and started giving him a head. He didn't stop me of course, until he came like 20 mins later. After cumming, he just laid down on the bed and changed his mood. He stopped touching me and didn't even wanna cuddle. We both laid on the bed and I tried to kiss him, but he wasn't really responding well. I asked him what was wrong and he just looked at me and said, "this is not gonna work". I asked him why, but he said the image he had of me in his head is not the same he is seeing in person, that he wasn't feeling it anymore. He said he couldn't tell me exactly what it was cuz he doesn't wanna hurt my feelings or make me feel inadequate cuz another man might adore it, so its better he doesn't tell me. Mind you, we hadn't even had intercourse. He didn't even touch me down there.

    Of course, i was hurt and embarrassed, so i got out of bed and started wearing my clothes. I went into the bathroom and started crying. He came in and tried to console me, saying he couldn't control the way he felt. He said he cared about me, thats why he told me the first day cuz if he didn't care, he would've had sex with me the whole 3 days and never call me again. This all happened in a space of like 4 hours of meeting him. I was so heartbroken cuz i really liked this guy.

    We both went to dinner after that and he said he felt like * * * * . That maybe he's overreacting. I couldn't eat anything and he obviously didn't enjoy his food either. He tried to feed me, asked me how i was feeling, but i was speechless at the way the whole thing ended so quickly! I kept drinking and trying to get tipsy. We left the restaurant and I drove him back to his hotel and he said i shouldn't even bother coming up to his hotel room cuz everything felt awkward and we both already feel like crap so i should just go home. He also said i shouldn't bother about him for the rest of the days he would be in town, that i shouldn't feel responsible for him. I went home crying and i went on fb and blocked all my pictures. He sent me an email asking why i blocked my pictures and deleted me off of fb! He said it was best for both of us, so that we won't keep looking at each other's pictures. He spent the rest of the days in my town without a single call or text. He went back to the UK without saying goodbye to me and that was it! I sent him texts and emails asking what i did to tick him off and i got no replies!

    It's been a week since this happened and i've been depressed ever since. I cry myself to sleep and i wake up crying every day. Im losing my mind and i just need someone to tell me what i did wrong! I've been looking in the mirror to see if maybe im ugly. I don't think i am and he even told me how beautiful i am. I don't have deformities on my body. Im not overweight at all. Am i a bad kisser?? Was i too aggressive with him? Did i give it up too easy?? Did he think he couldn't trust me cuz i gave him head the first day?? Does he think i do that with every guy i meet??? Does he think im not a wife material cuz of all that?? Did he hear bad things about me?? These are all the things that go through my head every single day!! Im just shocked at the way he switched on me just like that!! I still have strong feelings for this guy cuz he's a good guy and i just can't get over him! Help me pls before i go crazy!!

  2. #2
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    you shouldn't have done anything sexual with him.

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    Omg! Do you think a guy would switch on a girl cuz of that??

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    yep. no offense...but it's kind of * * * * ty.
    Guys won't date you if they can't respect you.

    but, really, why would you want to be with him? Any guy who said this to me: "He said he couldn't tell me exactly what it was cuz he doesn't wanna hurt my feelings or make me feel inadequate cuz another man might adore it, so its better he doesn't tell me." would get punched in the face. That's borderline emotional abuse.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    I had an online relationship and it makes you feel that you have dated them enough already, so that you could get close to them, and I bet that you wanted to make up for all of that time apart. Don't beat yourself up about it. Chalk it up to a learning experience. In the future, promise yourself to get to know guys in person before getting close to them. A lot of the time the image you have in your mind of someone you've been talking doesn't match up with who is in front of you. It's not your fault. I know you're feeling rejected, but grieve for the loss of the future you thought you'd have with him. Let all of the emotions out. And don't let anyone tell you to "get over it, because it wasn't a real relationship". It took me a good 10 mos to get over my online love. And you will too. Just block him off facebook, and try to move on.
    No Contact or GTFO!

    Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex!: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=381011

    Changing your social media/computer to promote healing: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=382739

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    I know its * * * * ty when i think about it now, but i had been celibate for 3 months before then and he kept touching and kissing me!! I also felt like i knew him for years cuz of the way we were before i met him in person.

    He said that cuz i kept calling and probing him about it. Before that, he never disrespected me and he was a complete gentleman. I guess he didn't respect me anymore then. He also said "another man's meat is another man's poison" " a man likes what he likes." * * * ?? He said all these over the phone. All this cuz i gave him a head!! I've never been so downgraded all my life.

    Gosh!! Why do i still want him back??? I really messed up!!

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by alonecity View Post
    I still have strong feelings for this guy cuz he's a good guy
    No... no, he's not. How is he a "good guy"? He's a sociopath! If he wasn't feeling you, why start kissing, making out, etc? Because he's selfish... and rude... and doesn't think twice of taking advantage of people...

    I don't think you did anything wrong. He's just a dolt.

  8. #8

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    He was feeling me before all the kissing and touching. He changed his mood after the oral sex thingy. Why are men(esp african guys. Im african btw, been here since high school though.) such hypocrites??? God!!!

    The sad thing is i still want him back!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh!!

  9. #9
    Platinum Member WockaWocka's Avatar
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    What a jerk. Some guys have a Madonna/wh*re complex, especially about a woman whom they consider marriage material, so it's possible that giving him head was a turnoff. But for him to go 180 degrees on you like that? It sounds like he has much deeper issues there. If he truly cared about you he wouldn't have tried so hard to get you into bed before dumping you. I'm sorry - I know it must hurt. But remember that this is just the behavior of one single guy, and not a very nice guy at that. Just one guy out of the billions on the planet. And who is he to judge? He only spent an hour or two with you. I'd trust the opinions of friends and family who've known you in real life much much longer.

    (((Hugs)))
    “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
    ― Pema Chödrön

  10. #10
    Platinum Member iBroken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allipie View Post
    you shouldn't have done anything sexual with him.
    A rather unproductive statement

    Quote Originally Posted by Allipie View Post
    yep. no offense...but it's kind of * * * * ty.
    Guys won't date you if they can't respect you.
    Its 2011 - sex on the first and second date are becoming the norm with many......

    To the OP - I think there are more underlying issues here rather than you giving him head and him pulling away. Perhaps he started to have his doubts before he left the UK? And enroute?

    Either way, hes not a good guy and I would let him go - you dodged a bullet here
    Keep Calm and Carry On

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