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  1. #1

    Sexual Anxiety? Can't get an erection?

    I've been having this issue for the past few months now, whenever i'm with a girl, i can't get an erection. This has got to be the most awkward and most embarrassing feeling for a man to experience.

    I recently just turned 18 years old, and I am far too young for this to be a physical problem. Every morning I wakeup with hard morning wood, and it stays until i get out of bed.

    I have just recently started dating this girl that i have been moving slow with to avoid this EXACT situation, and it happened again today. Every since the first time this happened, it has been constantly on my mind, that i can't get hard.

    This led me to do some research, and I've self-diagnosed that it must be sexual anxiety. To my knowledge, this means that because i'm always worried that i won't be hard when i need to, my mind won't let me be hard.

    Does anyone else has this problem or know more about it? This is the worst possible thing in my relationships lately. SEX is a HUGE part of highschool/college life.

    Tips to keep my mind straight and not always be worried about getting an erection.

    All help is welcome.. I hope no one else has to experience this curse.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
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    When this happens do your find yourself obsessing over your "performance"? Or do you believe you're relaxing and just trying to enjoy the moment?

  3. #3
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    It's just performance anxiety. Everyone goes through it at some. If you get erections in your sleep and the morning, it's unlikely that there is something physically wrong with you. Just try and relax and enjoy.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear View Post
    When this happens do your find yourself obsessing over your "performance"? Or do you believe you're relaxing and just trying to enjoy the moment?
    I believe that i'm obsessing over my performance. This whole thing is on my mind all the time, I need to find something else to think about ?

  5. #5
    Platinum Member WockaWocka's Avatar
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    As a woman who's had a few experiences with this, I'd say the worst thing you could do is to get so upset over it that you halt all activity. Try to carry on. If you get hard in the morning then what happens when you're with a woman is just a temporary setback. Keep making out, touching, kissing, caressing, etc.... If your mouth and fingers still work then there's no reason you can't still give her a lot of pleasure! you could also let her try giving you a bj or handjob and presumably even if you didn't get hard you'd still feel pleasure.

    I predict that carrying on with activity regardless may also have the pleasant side effect that you get hard. I've seen it happen a few times. A guy continues to enjoy all the other ways to give and receive pleasure and .. boom! But even if this doesn't happen, you can still make it a night for her to remember - and that's super sexy!

    Cheers.
    “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
    ― Pema Chödrön

  6. #6
    Member Ministottie's Avatar
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    My boyfriend currently has this issue, and decided to stop everything so we no longer had any sexual contact and that is the WORST way to go about it. I would completely agree with Wocka! Just keep trying, try not to let it embarress you if it isn't working and move on to a different type of pleasuring

    Don't treat it like the end of the world as my partner did, it always ends badly.

  7. #7
    Thanks for the advice Wocka, and Mini. I really appreciate all the help, I just need to put all this into action.
    What do y'all think of taking pills?

  8. #8
    Platinum Member WockaWocka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lover12333 View Post
    What do y'all think of taking pills?
    I don't think you need them. There are two basic types of ED: physical and psychological. The best indicator of which one you have is if you can ever get hard by yourself or with porn. Since you said you have morning wood it seems like your physical equipment must be in working order. You could check with your doc to be sure. But it's very possible that if you stay in the sexual situation with your gf long enough without feeling performance anxiety then you will get hard on your own, assuming you're sufficiently aroused.

    Speaking of arousal, what if you watch porn by yourself - do you get hard? If so you could try looking at it right before things get steamy, or if she's not threatened by it you could bring a dvd or magazine into the bedroom with you.

    If you frequently masturbate you could also try stopping for a few days until you're with her, that way you'll be *much* more sensitive to the slightest stimulation. Just something to try out, as difficult as it may be!!

    But the bottom line is that even if you don't get hard you can still give her a lot of pleasure. Lesbians around the world manage to please their partners even without equipment... so can you! (And hopefully she will reciprocate).
    “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
    ― Pema Chödrön

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by WockaWocka View Post
    I don't think you need them. There are two basic types of ED: physical and psychological. The best indicator of which one you have is if you can ever get hard by yourself or with porn. Since you said you have morning wood it seems like your physical equipment must be in working order. You could check with your doc to be sure. But it's very possible that if you stay in the sexual situation with your gf long enough without feeling performance anxiety then you will get hard on your own, assuming you're sufficiently aroused.

    Speaking of arousal, what if you watch porn by yourself - do you get hard? If so you could try looking at it right before things get steamy, or if she's not threatened by it you could bring a dvd or magazine into the bedroom with you.

    If you frequently masturbate you could also try stopping for a few days until you're with her, that way you'll be *much* more sensitive to the slightest stimulation. Just something to try out, as difficult as it may be!!

    But the bottom line is that even if you don't get hard you can still give her a lot of pleasure. Lesbians around the world manage to please their partners even without equipment... so can you! (And hopefully she will reciprocate).
    Yeah whenever i watch porn i do get hard. Recently I have stopped masturbating for the same reason as you said, easier arousal.

    Thanks again for all your help its so much more helpful if i have someone to talk to about this!

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Glowguy's Avatar
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    I've been through this and actually struggled with it for a long time. My initial experiences were not good at all and the embarassment really set me back. In some ways I feel like I've never been able to enjoy sex as much as most people but it has gotten much better. It's just performance anxiety and I agree with the other posters. Avoiding sex is absolutely the worst approach to take. Confronting the situation head on will make you more confident and help you get over it much faster. My advice is to find a supportive partner who won't judge you or react poorly when it happens. Be up front with her about it. Try meditation or tea to clear your mind before doing the deed. Reading up on anxiety will help too.

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