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  1. #1

    Homicidal Thoughts

    Growing up, my thoughts were always tainted with a homicidal haze. I did not have thoughts of hurting myself. I have rarely thought of hurting or deleting another human being who committed no wrong to another person. My father suffered from the same issue so I am not sure if it genetic or not. I have spoken to psychiatrists and was sent away during my early adult years. I have learned not to discuss these things with mental health evaluators, as I have a deep fondness for my freedom.
    I do have issues with being able to empathize with others. I have learned the appropriate responses/reactions over the years and have developed lasting friendships because I have learned how to "blend in". If life allowed it, however, I would prefer to be left alone but this is not how things work. I am an upstanding member of my community and have stayed on my preferred side of the iron bars. Things have been mostly good. The only problem? I suffer from bloodlust. I have tried many other outlets to deal with this energy issue. It truly IS an energy issue. I have examined my life, my home, my surroundings...and have not found anything to be lacking or anything that has caused anger or feelings of losing control.
    As I have said, I rarely have feelings of hurting anyone "normal". My feelings are mostly directed at "predators". As I said before, I am the offspring of a family who had homicidal issues so I am not sure how much of this is genetic. I can control it. Besides rehabilitation and severe "re-structuring" of the frontal lobe, can anyone provide any advice as to how they deal with their re-occuring demons?
    JD

  2. 02-26-2011, 02:01 PM
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    troll

  3. #2
    Bronze Member Tique's Avatar
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    I want to know too. Who do you see as predators? And who do you see as normal?
    You laugh at me because I am different....I laugh at you because you are all the same. - Unknown

    Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations.
    - Martin Terman

    Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

  4. #3
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    Do you actually lack empathy all together? Do you just know how to act it out rather than to genuinely feel it?
    Lacking empathy is a trait of the cold hearted and trust me I would know.
    I suggest instigating you're issue with empathy, I have a strange feeling this will tie in accordingly with you're homicidal thoughts and may help you understand a lot more about it.

    I've also have had homocidal thoughts for a long time now and I've traced it down to boredom, my own lack of empathy and the chances of there being another and if not a suppressed side of me.
    They say we have billions of years of knowledge and memory of human existence tucked into the back of our brains.
    I don't entirely believe this but I do know we once used to kill to survive and I've tried to tie this in with my own homicidal thoughts as they've felt so clean and natural, like I've been born with this urge for the very beggining.
    You see this could be me trying to justify my homicidal thoughts and decieve you into thinking that this is just me approaching this issue with pure and undeniable curiosity with the honest and goodwill attempt to get to the bottom of it.
    The point is you can't tell over the internet.

    When you have these homicidal thoughts, do you experience a sense of gratification? Dose fantasizing about violently tearing out the hearts of living people thrill you?

    We are all products of our parents so inheriting certain traits and patterns of behaviour from our parents is very likely.

    Ask you're self how these thoughts make you feel, our wants and desires are sometimes projections of what we lack in our own real lives.
    Has anything major happened within you're life time that might've caused you to hate people who would be deemed attackers or predators? Of course you don't have to answer this if you don't want to.

    Any advice I can give you is well, I don't think there is anything replaceable that could be remotely close to the satisfaction of killing another human being, so substituting the want for the thrill of this urge would be close to impossible.
    I say as long as you know that you're in control, try not to worry about it and remeber, they can't arrest and charge you for the thoughts within you're head

    Anyway, hope I could help.
    Goodluck.
    Last edited by halfie; 02-27-2011 at 11:56 AM.

  5. #4
    Predators are ones who lie in wait for the young, the old, the weak. They are ones who simply take and give nothing back. They kill and rape without thought. Self control is not in their make up.
    Empathy is intellectual or emotional identification with another being. It is a very curious subject. I cannot identify with another's "prey", yet I have a strong urge to stop the predatory behavior of another. Permanently. There are no thoughts or "fantasies" of manic mayhem and murder. It is simply a quick and indefinite end to the predator, an energy "rush", if you will. ...And thank you, Halfie. Your words have given me something to think about.
    JD

  6. 02-28-2011, 01:53 PM
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    troll

  7. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by agresel View Post
    Have you tried sex?
    Sex as I believe is a spiritual experience of experiencing one'ness with another human being therefore, eliminating another human being of the face of the earth would be the exact opposite.

  8. 02-28-2011, 10:44 PM

  9. #6
    Platinum Member doyathink's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by halfie View Post
    Sex as I believe is a spiritual experience of experiencing one'ness with another human being therefore, eliminating another human being of the face of the earth would be the exact opposite.
    Then why do so many murderers rape their victims
    Don't dwell on what went wrong, Instead focus on who to punch first

  10. #7
    Silver Member rigguy's Avatar
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    History of thoughts such as you described require professional help. Folks on this forum are very helpful but there are limits to online advice due to lack of background info. If you are protecting you freedom (natural) by keeping those thought from your psychiatrist, may be you can try to find professional help online (relatively anonymous). What have your psychiatrists said to you in past?
    DON'T PANIC!

  11. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by doyathink View Post
    Then why do so many murderers rape their victims
    Obviously, to eliminate witnesses...

    The original intend of the rapist is to rape and not to murder; this is different than most serial non-rapist killers.

    Identify their goal and why they do certain things; the murder after the rape is functional and not for sadistic pleasure (in most cases).

    ---===---

    To the OP:

    Your first post is contradictory. Do you or do you not want to hurt innocent people?

    I personally think vigilantism is "not so bad"; but on the other hand, hurting innocent people is one of the worst things one can do.

    Which one are you? If the former, then do it discretely :P If the latter, then you need to seek help immediately. Remember, it's much better to lose your freedom to a 2 hours a day therapy then a 25 year prison term.

  12. 03-03-2011, 08:13 AM

  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by doyathink View Post
    Then why do so many murderers rape their victims
    They rape their victims for nothing more than fleeting pleasure and because they can, not to experience oneness with their victims. Consensual sex and rape are two very different things.

    If you are comparing the physical sensation between killing another human being and raping another human being, they are still two very different things.

    Killing a human being takes alot of effort, it's very drudgery. People who kill for pleasure are most likely exciting a mental stimulation rather than a physical one.

    Rape on the other hand is also monotonous as you have to force you're victims down and/or into certain positions but you are rewarded with physical pleasure.

    Arousing a mental stimulation over a physical one regardless of the circumstances, are still very opposing things.

  14. #10

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    I have been afflicted with homicidal urges/thoughts and rage has ridden shallowly beneath the surface since I was very young girl. What made it worse was my granny was an evil fundamental baptist and so for the longest time I thought demons were trying to possess me, funny now.. but pretty trauma-producing when you are 9. I have noticed over the years though that if I get over-stimulated [surrounded by ppl at an amusement park] or under extreme stress [boss riding my ass] the random thoughts or urges get pretty bad. I'm A-ok if I am by myself, in my calm, QUIET, dimly lit environment w/ incense burning & ambient music. Oh and psychotropic meds like anti-depressants are a straight trip for me to homicidal-ville. Frankly, I think it has to do with body chemistry rather than 'empathy' somewhere i have 2 much serotonin or dopamine floating around & everytime a psychiatrist has tried 2 hink around with it things have gone south real quick. Soooo my recommendation is don't screw around with anything medicinal that'll feck with your gray matter & avoid people as much as you can. And as far as I am concerned kill as many pedo's as u like
    "Sometimes I forget completely what companionship is. Unconscious and insane, I spill sad energy everywhere. My story gets told in various ways: a romance, a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy." ~Rumi~

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