Growing up, my thoughts were always tainted with a homicidal haze. I did not have thoughts of hurting myself. I have rarely thought of hurting or deleting another human being who committed no wrong to another person. My father suffered from the same issue so I am not sure if it genetic or not. I have spoken to psychiatrists and was sent away during my early adult years. I have learned not to discuss these things with mental health evaluators, as I have a deep fondness for my freedom.
I do have issues with being able to empathize with others. I have learned the appropriate responses/reactions over the years and have developed lasting friendships because I have learned how to "blend in". If life allowed it, however, I would prefer to be left alone but this is not how things work. I am an upstanding member of my community and have stayed on my preferred side of the iron bars. Things have been mostly good. The only problem? I suffer from bloodlust. I have tried many other outlets to deal with this energy issue. It truly IS an energy issue. I have examined my life, my home, my surroundings...and have not found anything to be lacking or anything that has caused anger or feelings of losing control.
As I have said, I rarely have feelings of hurting anyone "normal". My feelings are mostly directed at "predators". As I said before, I am the offspring of a family who had homicidal issues so I am not sure how much of this is genetic. I can control it. Besides rehabilitation and severe "re-structuring" of the frontal lobe, can anyone provide any advice as to how they deal with their re-occuring demons?