When we met through mutual friends we actually talked that first night about how anti - relationship we were feeling due to recent splits in our lives. he had been left by a woman he was with for 3 years, and i had left someone i had been with for 5 years. we both were completely the same in that we both thought we were not ready or looking for love again - quite the opposite. After that night, we saw each other really often as friends because mutual friends of ours had started seeing each other. me and this guy became good friends. For me i wasn't attracted to him at first even though he is attractive, just because i wasn't interested in dating plus the fact of us both still being caught up still in remaining feelings for our exes. Also I do not think he looked at me that way at first either for the same reason. then about two months ago seemed to mutually change, we started to fancy each other. it started with the fact that we shared a bottle of wine at his house one night and were alone with sweet music just the two of us. there was some chemistry in the air that night for the first time.... we didn't act on it. the next time we met was also for a drink at his house just the two of us, and we did end up kissing (he said he had been trying to get the courage to kiss me all evening) and we had (great) sex. I don't care that we were not dating i am not like that.. if there is trust and respect there and safe sex and both adults are single then why not.. so i didn't have a problem with it. we then started talking every day and about once a week would see each other, have great sex, hang out, have fun... this was OK for about a month, its just the last two weeks this has been bothering me ..... we haven't discussed anything at all. there is no honesty about how we feel, if we are seeing other people, nothing.... (we are both quite shy don't know if that is important)
I do really like him and at the same time I know we shouldn't get into a heavy relationship with each other. Neither of us wanted to be tied down at this point. the thing is, it's started to bother me that he never asks if i am dating or sleeping with another man too or other men (is he literally that unbothered??? or does he think about it and not ask??? or does he assume i dont??? )
it's started to bother me that we haven't discussed where its going in that are we eventually looking to meet other people etc.... and mainly and very annoyingly i am starting to wonder and feel a bit jealous at the thought that he is probably seeing other women too.
For some reason right now i have this great urge to email him and confront a few of these things. i feel like telling him he is the only man i am sleeping with. that i like him a lot. that i get jealous at the thought of him with other women. that i think that despite all that i am not ready for a relationship and from what he told me and what i can see neither is he.
this seems pointless, what am i hoping to achieve by telling him this? i just feel like being honest. is it really screwed up to not be ready for a relationship and at the same time feel bad that he sleeps with other women? (i think he has one other FWB from before me that didn't quite die out when we started but that he stopped seeing so much) i just feel like letting some of these things out.
i also feel like telling him i dont sleep with other men. why? because maybe he will feel good about that? i dont know i just feel like being open with him about things - it feels a bit unnatural that we have never discussed our feelings and thoughts on the matter.....
the first to the third time we had sex i didn't feel this way. its now that its obvious that it is going to be the case for a while (friendship and sex) that i feel like sharing my feelings.
would this email push him away and stress him out? i guess the part about being jealous if he sees other women could be pressure for him because i have a feeling he does. at the same time, i think he is into me in that we share a lot and i think he has feelings for me beyond sexual. maybe he feels a bit uncomfortable that we never talk about anything to do with what we are doing either?
probably being a man that was recently in a committed relationship that didn't work out, he is more than happy that he has a couple of women who are sexual with him with no strings. but i feel like being honest. at the same time i do not want us to become gf and bf. i guess i want an exclusive casual thing.
there is also a small chance i am the only woman he sleeps with (or am i being naive there) i am not sure he sleeps with someone else, its a guess because when we met he had something with a woman - he said it was great because it was casual and that is what he needed.
am confused. should i put some of these thoughts out there to him.... or pointless.