is this amount of pain and lack of sleep normal?

hi guys

it has been nearly 3 weeks now since my fiance dumped me.

I thought i couldnt feel any worse than already did but these past 24 hours ive been an emotional and nervous wreck.

i know i havent helped myelf at all by getting completely drunk until 8am this morning, 12 hours non stop drinking i am not proud of myself.. .so i know the nerves and emotions are heightened due to this

but still... i havent slept now for 2 days and for the past 7 hours i rarely stop crying. also had a few panic attacks.

is this normal? please tell me some of this will subside soon i cant take no more!

I had an engagement end over a year ago...it does get easier I promise. I went through a few weeks of completely not eating and just trying to make it through each day. I lost somewhere around 30 lbs, then went into drinking on work nights and eventually I just had to take a hard look at my life. Sometimes things are a blessing. Each day will get easy once you finally reach the point of letting go...but you first have to decide that you have hit that point. Everyone heals differently...just try not to be self distructive...which, I have no room to talk but it is definitely not healthy.

Try to involve your time with something else...not someone, but actually something. Go to the gym, get a hobby, make some goals for yourself to hit- reachable ones that will give you confidence and pride.

If you take a deep, close look at your situation maybe you feel you may be happier down the road...even if you dont feel that way- it will happen. Why did it end? Is there any fixing it? If not, then really just try to keep your spirits up- fake it if you have to. Smile at people, wave at a stranger, do something rediculous to be happy. I wish you the best......but yes, it is normal and yes, it will get better! You just have to start believing it!

The above advice is excellent. You should also consider therapy... it helped me so much after my break-up. Don't worry things will get better!

thanks sfullerton, i am glad it is 'normal' and i am not going mad . i am pretty weak right now so i phoned my bro and he's coming home in a bit . yes definitely staying away from the booze for a while now today has taught me a big lesson , once again!! i did go through a bereavement just over a yr ago and i couldnt drink for about 6 months after that... then i started drinking again but not to any great level... until last night./.. massive blow out.. .stupid stupid stupid!!!

as say my bro is now on his way home so i am not alone tonight... so hopefully i will calm down now n get some sleep tonight at some point. i have work tomorrow but gonna be so exhausted , oh well i guess face tomorrow when it happens.

i just feel so bad calling my brother like this whilst he is on his day off work and out with his mates. is that really selfish of me? just cant handle another minute of being on my own right now.

If you have a supportive family, then take the support system Don't feel bad or selfish about it...just remember it down the road when your brother may need you and pay it back. I agree with the comment above too about therapy. I am still in therapy- it is a healthy way to take control of your life. Again, I wish you the best. Have fun with your brother. Let him comfort you but try to have some fun as well. Maybe play a game, rent a comedy...anything to spend quality time without dwelling. Best of luck!

yes i might consider counselling. i think so much has gone on in my head not just the breakup.. i had been getting quite down even before it ended and whenever i felt very low i promised myself id see the doctor, but then it would pass after a few days so always put off addressing this.

The beautiful thing is, 8 hours of rest and you'll be ready for work. If you can find soemthing to help you sleep - camomile tea with sugar or honey but hold the cream, for example, it might help ease the suffering.

It is indeed normal, I know week three was the onset of the really deep emotions - the shock starts wearing off, the pain starts setting in. But you'll get through.

My sister and her friends took me out to dinner one night, as I had been taking my showers at her place,and I still remember hanging out with them as one of the happier moments of my breakup. When these moments come up to spend time with people you love and trust, take them!! And find it within yourself to put on at least a temporary happy face. You've been emotioanally mauled, but you'll get better!!

Exercise can help. You don't have to go to a gym. It could be housework or a walk in a park.

I think a common thread to almost all serious breakups is the feeling of insanity. You're smart to recognize your need to stay away from drink. Grief is tough enough without a hangover, and those cups can go down waaay too quickly when you're not even looking.

Head high, and hold on. You can do this.

Lozzy, I am so sorry! The first few months after my boyfriend broke up with me were absolutely terrible. I'd always though of myself as a fairly independent, level-headed person, but after the break-up I felt broken and destitute. I was barely functioning at work, crying in my car during my 10-minute beaks and lunches, had zero appetite (I actually had to force-feed myself for a few months afterward until I regained my appetite), and even threw up on several occasions when something that reminded me of him especially triggered me. Oh, it was terrible. As far as sleep, I slept very little, and when I did, my dreams were about him, and often unsettling. I'd never had sleeping problems before, but I began waking up every morning at 5 without fail. I hated my job, but dreaded weekends because they were these big spaces of time that I had to fill and had no idea how to (had few close and available friends), and while it was torture to try to go out and do things, it was terrible staying at home and having too much time to think.

I think spending time with your brother will really help. When I was emotionally depleted and at my weakest, I was glad to have my mom there to console and encourage me.

So yes, everything you are feeling is normal! It's absolutely terrible, but hang tight, be strong, and be kind to yourself! It will get easier, little by little.

Lozzy - I've just come off 3 weeks NC with my wife and it was the worst experience of my life. In 3 weeks I've slept through the night just twice, and once was because I was extremely drunk. I've also been having very vivd nightmares and bad dreams about her and us, usually involving her with another man. Emotional pain is true torture - I'd take physical pain ANY day of the week, at least I could take some pills for that. I've been hitting the bottle too, it's one of the easiest ways (sadly) to take the edge off and numb yourself for a bit. It's not clever and it's not cool, but anyone who's been in the sort of pain we have will understand.

To reiterate what another poster said, I've lost about 15lbs because I haven't been eating, and I cannot concentrate at work. This has been going on for 3 months now, and a few weeks ago my company gave me 2 weeks off for compassionate leave to try to get my head sorted. I've been back for a week or two and I still cannot concentrate and I fear for my job

Onje thing I can say helped me immensely was taking a night class and meeting new people, going shopping for some new clothes to get a new style, going to the gym every other day, and meeting friends and family regularly. It's worst when I have nothing to do on any given day - so at the moment my calendar is full till next Weds

Look, all I can say is that it takes time, and you're not alone. If you ever need anyone to talk to, we're here for you. Good luck man, things will get better soon, I'm sure.

thanks for sharing guys it does help really does.that sunday night was my scariest night so far. yikes. i then went out with a work mate last night drank again, i know i know will i ever learn! but didnt drink quite so much and made it into work today. i am just tired and a bit sad tonight but not too bad. the appetite thing i am not sure it is so odd! i am eating the odd sandwich or quick sugary or salty snacks/convenience food. i used 2 do a lot of cooking and healthy meals but i dont have the motivation at all . os i just eat snacks and all the things that are bad for me. not going to be great i must be gaining weight not losing weight!! and i usually go down the gym but due to my low mood and many hangovers i have stopped going there too!!!! going to stop drinking for certain now so can get back on a health kick.. decided for minimum 2 weeks of no drinking is my goal.... then i might have a night out, we''ll see

When I found out about my wifes affair years ago, I could hardly sleep and I lost 25 pounds in 5 weeks. I didn't drink and there was no substance abuse. I did miss a number of days of work because I have to be 100% with what I do. I "abused" books I guess you could say. Many times reading one a night about everything having to do with my situation. Reading helped me. That was my outlet. I was lost for months but I can tell you that it does get better.

It's definitely normal I can tell you that much; it really really sucks but it does get better

Lozzy1980 - I really feel your pain!! I'm a month or so in to my split, and although my sleeping got better (though I would wake at silly oclock in the morning to check if he'd called or text, knowing he won't have) my sleeping seems to be getting worse again and I'm literally falling asleep at my desk, it was the same yesterday.................. not good................. I'm going to the doctors on Monday to try and get some sleep aid, as the herbal ones I'm taking aren't working!

Wish you luck, be kind to yourself!! xx

Lozzy1980 - I really feel your pain!! I'm a month or so in to my split, and although my sleeping got better (though I would wake at silly oclock in the morning to check if he'd called or text, knowing he won't have)

You know what, for about the first 3 weeks - the instant I woke up - whether it was natural or sudden (I was having a lot of bad dreams about her cheating etc), I would instantly grab my phone to check whether she had messaged me. It was ridiculous at times because, one example, I had only just managed to drift off at 4am, had a bad dream and woke at 5am, but I still had that uncontrollable urge to instantly check my phone. It completely over-rode any logic.

Looking at my phone is still the last thing I do at night and the first thing I check in the morning, but thankfully 9 wweeks on I'm sleeping 6 or 7hrs through the night now, only waking up due to tossing and turning, not the emotional pain as before...

it gets better, just keep as busy as you can - and if sleep becomes a real problem whatatodo is right - get some meds - don't abuse alcohol. When going through a breakup you can barely focus your attention on anything any way - add sleep deprivation on top of that and it's a bad combination.

Best wishes

Not drinking at all. Re the phone thing, it really is just messing my mind up, I KNOW he won't be in touch, so why I still look I don't know.......... the other morning I even pulled what I thought was my phone charger but was my lamp cord it feel to the floor and smashed, so at 4 in the morning I had to clean up broken glass,.... didn't help my altogether feeling sorry for myself state.

I just want him back - SO SO much - with all my heart - and it REALLY feels like it's not going to happen, I can't think about anything else, though I distract myself with lots of things................and yep sleep isn't helping at all. It's ok this week as he's not in work so can't see me, but he's back next week and I can't look or feel this way next week, I just can't - not if I want him back either

Everything feels all consuming and I feel insane............. because all I know is I want him back and though I don't know it for sure, it really doesn't feel like he'll be coming back I feel totally lost

The phone thing is a strange urge, I get it too. what makes it worse is when you get a message from someone else hoping its the ex.....

see I've set my phone so it only vibrates and flashes if he contacts me....... that way I don't hold my breath!

i am absolutley craving a glass of red wine but refusing.. promising myself 2 full dry weeks and going to stick to it! and i am on my own tonight and although a few tears no where near as upset as i was earlier in the week and i have my 2 cats beside me, we are chilling watching tv together : )

i like the idea of getting stuck into some good books, i have 3 here i need to read yet! also have a jam packed weekend ahead - a job app to fill in, unpacking my final bits and peices, tidying the house, cooking a meal sat for my friend who is coming round, and some reading for my uni course to do!! so i dont think i will have much time to dwell on things

The phone thing is a strange urge, I get it too. what makes it worse is when you get a message from someone else hoping its the ex.....

I saw a film yesterday that had lots of text messages being sent, and the ringtone they used is the same as mine. Every single time it went off I thought "ooh has he text me?" Really ridiculous considering I was in the cinema, and I didn't even have my phone on me lol