Friend won't stop talking about her boyfriend!

[JewelCat]

I have a really good friend who I've known for about about 3 or 4 years. I met her in college, graduated together, and we have very similar career goals. Recently, we both got laid off from work, and we've been spending more time together now that we have this abundance of free time. And since we have similar career goals, we're helping each other out with job hunting, portfolios (we're both artists), and all that other fun stuff that involves looking for work.

Late last year, she began dating this really nice guy from our old school. I was going through some boy drama at the time, so she said (out of respect for me) that if I didn't want to hear about her new bf, she wouldn't talk about him. Well, I'm over the drama I was going through, have been for awhile and I feel completely healed.

I am genuinely happy for my friend and I think he's great for her. It didn't bother me at all when she started talking about him again, but now she will. Not. STOP! It's driving me up the wall!! Every time we talk, everything relates back to him. She tells me about his school schedule, work schedule, his friends, his family, when he calls/texts her, what they usually talk about, and even how big his "parts" are. I can't take it anymore! I really am happy for her, but I feel a little cold hearted telling her that all this talk about him is getting annoying. I don't want her to think I'm not happy for her, or that I'm not over the boy drama from last year. Any advice? I'm not heart-less, right?

[Esteller]

My opinion, your not heartless. you don't mind hearing her talk about him but not about EVERYTHING! its fair to say that. Exactly.. tell her im not trying to be mean or a bad friend but you don't have to tell me everything about him.

[finallystrong]

This is not going to go over well, especially with someone who likes to talk a lot (as your friend does). She will get upset and give you the pout disposition. I understand it's not fair to you, so it's only right to tell her, but just be ready for different behavior from her. It's VERY rare that people actually understand without getting offended, in these types of situations. She might even shut down, not talk remotely as much as she does now, but hopefully that's not the case.

I wish you luck my friend.

[BellaDonna]

It seems that you are not really annoyed that she is talking about her BF, per se, but that it dictates the entire conversation to the point of it almost being one-sided and self-centered. I know some people that do this often, not just about their BF or GF- but about their children, or their pet(s), astrology, or some topic they are particulary hyper about (i.e. living out a movie scene-by scene- ick!, or time travel through meditation- whatever!)

Too much of any subject can be really annoying.

She tells me about his school schedule, work schedule

You can't say "who cares!!!???" but it sure is tempting. What I would suggest is that you just not even acknowledge it once it goes on for too long, and change the subject abruptly. Or say something like "Oh sorry to interrupt but i was really hoping to tell you about X" if there is something in particular you wanted to discuss. You could also try "I'm so happy for you two. It's clear you are crazy about him just by how much you talk about him ALL the time. I'm rooting for you."

Maybe the girl will take a hint! Good luck.

[JewelCat]

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

I've dropped hints before (by just acting disinterested) but they don't seem to work. I've tried changing the subject, but sometimes she finds ways to bring her boyfriend into the new subject. Yeah, I'm being driven up the wall lol. BellaDonna, I think she may finally take a hint if I emphasize that she must be really crazy about him by how much she talks about him. If that doesn't work, I'll try being more direct. And if THAT doesn't work, I can always make a sign that says, "NO (bf's name) ZONE". And I can include his picture, in a circle with a line through it.

[Esteller]

very creative. lol

[geekgirl4]

Just be careful about being too intense on not talking about the bf. It might create a divide and force her to choose sides - in which case it seems like she's already on the bf's side. Just be honest and simple. Let her know you're glad she's very happy with her relationship and ask if she can just tone down on talking about the bf so often.

[JewelCat]

Hung out and had dinner with her and another friend of ours yesterday (her bf wasn't there). When the 3 of us were together, she didn't mention her bf at all, which surprised me a little. But when I drove her home (other girl drove herself), the bf talk started up again. One of the things that worries me about the direct approach is that I don't really know what I can say is acceptable to talk about and whats not. I don't mind hearing about him, just not all the time, and sometimes she does have interesting things to say about him that actually enjoy hearing. But when the bf talk started up again last night, when it became too much, I was just nodding and being disinterested in what she was saying, and it worked for once! She stopped almost abruptly, and I didn't hear about him again for the rest of the drive. I think she's becoming more aware that she talks about him a lot (maybe someone else told her), and hopefully the direct approach wont be needed.

[geekgirl4]

I think you have to be clear about this. It's not like you don't want her to completely stop talking but by passive aggressively tuning her out when she does, she will start to get the idea that you don't want to hear anything at all about the bf or might even dislike him. It's amazing how things can get misinterpreted in the absence of communication. I think its very possible to talk to her about this without a fight occurring and talking to her about this is the fastest way.

[JewelCat]

Well, she already knows that I like him because we all went to school together, so I've known him for awhile. I'm not worried about a fight breaking out, but knowing how she is, I just think she'll interpret, "can you not talk about him so much," to, "Don't talk about him at all." I suppose it was rude of me to tune her out last night, but it was only after the bf talk was becoming overkill. If it comes up again (and it will) I can try being more direct, and say sometimes she talks about him too much. Knowing her, by wording it like that she probably will tone it down.