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Attracted to older men


2bExact

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i just can't figure out why i'm so attracted to older men like around 20-40?! it's sortof freaking me out because sometimes it's teachers, and right now it's a 30-year-old guy at my theatre who's married and has a baby on the way! He's just always so nice to me and we've spent a lot of time alone painting and doing construction work for musical sets... he always compliments me, hugs me and puts his hands on my shoulders, sometimes grabbing me in a playfull way like to try and scare me. i feel like he gives me special attention. he's good looking, and we have so much in common. he's EVERYTHING i want in a guy. it's scary thinking about it, but i can't stop thinking about him. obviously i would never tell him how i feel, but i guess i'm asking what i should do at this point because it's bringing me down!

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How old are you?

 

There is nothing wrong with liking older men. I like older men and I have a fine relationship with my father. However, the difference here is, you seem to be going after teachers (authority figures) and men who are married/with children, so they aren't available to you. this is troubling.

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Do you have a hard time relating to people your own age?

 

The only thing I'd worry about is a teacher/student relationship where you can danger your future career and his.

 

What do you look for in a partner? How are older men showing that they can give you what you want than younger?

 

Also, fudgie is a great poster to talk with about this subject. She's been in both healthy and unhealthy age gap relationships and maybe you can relate to her =)

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I used to like older men who sometimes were in a postion of authority but most often were not. There was nothing wrong with me. As the years went on I still liked men between the age of 30 - 40. I still do. It had nothing to do with my father because now I do not want older men at all and haven't for many years. I still think men peak between the ages of 30-40 it is nothing more than that. That age group used to be older than me and now they are younger. Go figure.

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i dont think theres anything wrong with liking/dating older men, but if they are MARRIED especially with kids you should definitely stay away. believe me you will only REGRET being a piece of a** to them and nothing more because they will never leave their "crappy" marriage to be with their mistress. you will then be insecure in all your relationships thinking that you might also get cheated on later in life.

 

dont do it youre only hurting yourself.

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I thought this was pretty common amongst women.

But there are always issues pressures which do come with it.

 

The older man can often feel like this is just a fling.

Your peers will judge you and him.

People will give both of you awkward looks when in public.

Higher likely hood of having children.

Higher likely hood of being married.

 

If you can be sure of the above do not apply to you or the man there maybe a chance.

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I think, guessing by the OP's screenname, that she is 13.

 

Oh crap, just saw that. I'm sincerely hoping you're wrong.

 

She says that he "grabs" at her playfully. I really hope that a grown man (late 20s+) would not be grabbing playfully at a 13 year old girl. That seems inappropriate.

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There's nothing wrong with liking older. I've gravitated toward older men for most of my life.

However, you need to find out WHY. If you see older men (all of them) as authority figures and you're liking the guys who have authority over you (ie a teacher), that's not healthy. Being in a relationship means that you're equal partners and you can't do that if someone is an authority figure over the other.

 

So why do you like older men?

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ok, so i guess one could say that you are searching for that role model in your life. subconsciously you have felt your fathers absence and are looking to fill that void. i'm guessing you won't like me saying this but its textbook really. it often happens when a child has been 'neglected' by her father or has an extra extra closeness with her father.

 

my parents separated when i was 8 and i didn't see my father again till i was in my 20's. through my life i have been involved with men who were almost 20 years older then me. i'm sure people whispered that i was looking for a father figure and that i had 'daddy issues' which i most certainly denied and it used to piss me off. it never felt that way to me, the attraction was genuine, the connection was genuine etc. after some failed relationships i had to dig deep into my past, my upbringing, my issues and it is only now that i realize it to be true.

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  • 3 weeks later...

OP,

When I was younger, in my early teenage years, I dated men A LOT older than I was. [Example: When I was fourteen, I was with a man in his late twenties; when I was sixteen I was with a man in his late thirties; when I was seventeen I was with a man in his late forties.] Now that I'm a little bit older (not a lot older, mind you), I'm attracted to men closer to my age. However, I totally know where you're coming from. Older men seem so much more mature and caring then teenaged boys. However, whether or not they treat you well, they're mistreating you even by flirting because you are young, far too young to be sought-after by a man in his thirties. If you don't like boys your age then I'd suggest you wait until you're a little bit older and you develop attractions to men closer to your own age.

Take care.

Kait

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