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Dating Someone You're NOT attracted to????? Have you tried it?


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Ok so I met this guy, which is just a great guy. He is kind of shy, but he is a gentlemen, nice, shows up, and basically he is just the type of guy I want to date. The only downfall is that I'm not attracted to him physically at all, and I'm not even sexually attracted to him either. I cannot imagine sleeping with him, its like i'm punishing myself. My sister and all my family members think that I'm selfish and I need to just be with him. I feel so forced, and its like I feel like I'm settling down for someone who I don't really like which is unfair for him. I tried to just give him a shot to see if I like him, but Its not even working at this point. I wouldn't consider myself shallow because looks/physicality is not the most important on my list but I think it should be to some degree?

Do you guys/gals think that dating someone who is not your type physically can work out? Have you tried it? Is chemistry that important, esp in the beginning stages?

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attraction can grow. and if you are dating a man who treats you really well, is kind to you, has a lot of great qualities, definitely, give him a chance. if after dating for a while, you don't want to take things 'to the next level' then sadly - yes, you might need to break it of. good luck with whatever you choose.

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I think if you are "neutral" about someone's looks when you start, it's fine. Give it some time. I've done it before and it worked fine for me.

 

However if you're actually repulsed and/or can't ever see yourself being intimate EVER with him, then no, I don't thimk it would work and it's time to go.

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My sister and all my family members think that I'm selfish and I need to just be with him. I feel so forced, and its like I feel like I'm settling down for someone who I don't really like which is unfair for him.

 

Nobody should ever make you feel like you should date someone when you are not interested. I agree that plenty of people have grown to be attracted physically to someone over time once they become emotionally attracted to that person. Sometimes physical chemistry builds as two people really get to know each other. There is also this phenomenon in dating today where if two people don't feel complete lust for each other on the first or second date then it is game over. One can feel some kind of physical draw to a new person..some kind of physical chemistry...which is not the mindblowing lust that results in two people who just met ripping their clothes off and having sex with each other. Over time the mild, but present physicial chemistry can indeed grow into mindblowing lust as the two people develop a more meaningful rapport. The bottom line is how you view attraction...if you view attraction as someone you immediately want to have sex with then you may not be able to recognize mild physical attraction leading to long-term potential because you are focusing on the instant lust that is missing. So you need to take a step back and see what your pattern has been in relationships...if you go for the instant lust feelings or do you ever go for someone where there is mild attraction but no immediate lust. At any rate, the decision is completely up to you and not to your sister, family members, friends etc...do what you feel is best and don't force yourself to date someone simply out of family or peer pressure.

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I wasn't that physically attracted to my ex but she was awesome on every other level. I ended up seeing where it would go and before I knew it I found her to be the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I highly recommend giving the guy a chance if you love spending time with him.

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Same. I wasn't physically attracted to my ex. But I gave it a chance. He was adorable. I went crazy about him. And then BAM. He left me. I don't get it.

 

I went out with other another guy. He was the ideal suitor but I realised I wasn't physically attracted to him. He was crazy about me. I dropped it after a couple of weeks. He was sort of possessive. Can;t deal with that crap.

 

Just give it a shot and then weigh things - I mean which things really matter to you. For me, as long as he's decent and mature, there's no harm in giving it shot. If things don't go well for you, drop it.

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I think if you are "neutral" about someone's looks when you start, it's fine. Give it some time. I've done it before and it worked fine for me.

 

However if you're actually repulsed and/or can't ever see yourself being intimate EVER with him, then no, I don't thimk it would work and it's time to go.

 

^ this is very true.... attraction can develop as you feel more for a person, but if there is absolutely nothing to begin with, then you need to move on.

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Yes, I've tried it. Once when I was 18 I dated a boy I was not physically attracted to, not to mention I personally thought our personalities clashed. Anyhow, due to some pressure from friends, I gave him a chance and we ended up dating for 2 years in which I did grow to love him and care for him. The only problem was, I never desired to sleep with him. We kissed, hugged, cuddled whatever, but the thought of sleeping with him was the most unappealing thing. We also got into really awful fights due to our different outlooks on life. lol.

 

Right now I am dating someone that I'm just somewhat interested in. I find him physically attractive, and personality wise, he is outgoing, easygoing and likeable. It's only been the second date, so I am not sure yet if we are compatible in the long-term, but for the short-term he is a fun, funny conversationalist and I am enjoying the attention. We have kissed, and it was nice. But, I feel like passion and chemistry is missing from the kiss and just in general. Granted, it is only the second date and it can take some time for that kind of thing to develop. It might be better off for us to just be friends is what I am already leaning towards...but I will give him a few more chances as we go on a few more dates before I know for sure. If I end up just not feeling anything for him, I will let him go.

 

Funny thing is, there is another guy that I am really attracted to, and it's not because of his physical looks, he's not in the best shape, but I don't care about that, I am completely attracted to his personality and love his energy and views on life. I want to make out with him because I just find his personality *so* attractive. lol. Only problem is he lives 7 hours away, so I cannot pursue it. I don't believe in LDR. *shrug shoulders*

 

Hope this helps you in your situation somehow.

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Even though I've only been on one date before, attraction is a must. At the very worst, I have to consider her "average-looking", no point wasting time on someone that you will never be attracted to. I know quite a few single girls that are available but repulsed by their looks and have zero attraction to them. Of course, the girls that I do find attractive, they aren't available and seeing someone else. Go figure, haha.

 

Don't fool yourself. You shouldn't compromise on your standards too much and stick to them.

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C-H-E-M-I-S-T-R-Y

 

That word is the essence of what makes a good relationship good. To me chemistry is the sum of the parts. Different parts like attraction, personality, sense of humors, even smell(and more). So you as you said, you like his personality and good manners. I guess you probably like his sense of humor but since you have no attraction towards him, your going to have trouble developing chemistry with him. Simple as that.It doesn't mean the chemistry wont come. Just makes it harder to develop. As other intelligent members said, sometimes you can grow more attracted to your partner over time. It could just take time.

 

On a different note, your a very attractive person and your probably used to having very attracting guys around you. So this guy's looks may not be what your used to. Just a thought. Not a slam. Anyways if you don't feel a future with him, it doesn't make you a bad person at all if break up with him on the basis of not being attracted. If you do break up, I'm sure you would do it in a nice dignified way and not hurt his feelings.

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I went on a date yesterday with a guy that was very sweet to me but he wasn't really the type of guy that i would usually go for as his looks weren't very amazing. But you know what? He texted me the same day asking to see me again and i agreed to meeting him again soon. You should go on one more date with him then see what happens. I'm going to see this guy again and if i think he is worth it i will go on more dates with him. I tend to go for the players, but i don't get the impression this one is a mess around. It is hard to meet a nice guy these days.

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Attraction can definitely take time and it's different with everyone. I dated a guy once who I was not very attracted to and never was for the 2.5 years we dated. I cared about him but he just never really did it for me sexually. I was initially a bit lukewarm about my current boyfriend too, but the more we dated I just couldn't keep my hands off him and I still can't. I love his personality AND I'm always craving sex with him.

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This "attraction can grow" thing is something that is often told to women, not men. I wonder why, perhaps because most men wouldn't even wonder about going out with a woman they feel no attraction towards or maybe they're just not expected to do such a thing like women are.

 

Personally, If I feel nothing whatsoever, I wouldn't go on more dates. I've had many guys that were nice to me and that only made them my good friends. Being a boyfriend takes a little more than just being nice...As others said tho, it doesn't hurt to go on a few more dates to see if anything develops for you.

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I possible as long as you focus on the qualities of that person. The last two girls I went out on dates with I was prepared to be in a relationship with them and yet I wasn't all that attracted to them.

 

My automatic turn offs like Mental health issues like being bipolar or something along those lines but a lot of the times if there's anything I've learned and that is you can dress a person up to your liking. All it takes is a trip to the clothing store and hey thats a great date idea.

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No, absolutely not, if I am not attracted to someone, I am not attracted. Someone is going to have to settle for my looks if they aren't attracted to me, not the other way around. I will NEVER settle for a guy I'm not attracted to. I am not attracted to 99.8% of the male population. It is REALLY bad for me. I think most guys are very unattractive. I can't settle, I literally cannot. But I'm basically asking whoever I am attracted to, to settle for me. If looks is the problem.

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I've dated guys that I weren't initially attracted to at first. Due time, I actually started to find some attractive, and yet there were others that I did not even after dating for awhile.

 

Don't listen to what others have to say about it, you're not being selfish if he's simply not your type. You have to remember, this is your life not theirs. They can offer their advice, but ultimately it's your decision.

 

Sexual chemistry varies from person to person. If sex is important to you, and you cannot see yourself getting intimate with him, then don't waste your time. You could use your extra time on finding someone that's actually suitable for you.

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