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  1. #1
    Member 25something's Avatar
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    Dating Someone You're NOT attracted to????? Have you tried it?

    Ok so I met this guy, which is just a great guy. He is kind of shy, but he is a gentlemen, nice, shows up, and basically he is just the type of guy I want to date. The only downfall is that I'm not attracted to him physically at all, and I'm not even sexually attracted to him either. I cannot imagine sleeping with him, its like i'm punishing myself. My sister and all my family members think that I'm selfish and I need to just be with him. I feel so forced, and its like I feel like I'm settling down for someone who I don't really like which is unfair for him. I tried to just give him a shot to see if I like him, but Its not even working at this point. I wouldn't consider myself shallow because looks/physicality is not the most important on my list but I think it should be to some degree?
    Do you guys/gals think that dating someone who is not your type physically can work out? Have you tried it? Is chemistry that important, esp in the beginning stages?
    Last edited by 25something; 01-30-2011 at 02:18 PM.
    Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."
    Bruce Lee

  2. #2
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    attraction can grow. and if you are dating a man who treats you really well, is kind to you, has a lot of great qualities, definitely, give him a chance. if after dating for a while, you don't want to take things 'to the next level' then sadly - yes, you might need to break it of. good luck with whatever you choose.
    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.



  3. #3
    Platinum Member ~2 sided coin~'s Avatar
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    I cannot date someone that I'm not physically attracted to, no.

  4. #4
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    It's the intimacy factor that separates friends from lovers. If he's a great guy but you just don't feel any attraction for him then it's not fair to either of you to be in a relationship together.
    "Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears" - Marcus Aurelius

    "I know what is best for me. Why do I want you instead?" - unknown

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    I agree with Kitty. You could potentially end up hurting him if you're already uncertain about his looks. And that's your choice, not something people should judge you on.
    [URL="http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php"][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][/URL]

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I think if you are "neutral" about someone's looks when you start, it's fine. Give it some time. I've done it before and it worked fine for me.

    However if you're actually repulsed and/or can't ever see yourself being intimate EVER with him, then no, I don't thimk it would work and it's time to go.
    I apologize in advance for any typos.

    "Every road leads to your door, every step I take forever more..."

  8. #7

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    Go out with him a few times. Personality can make sb alot more attractive. But if you still feel eh... after like 4 dates, it's time to cut him loose.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    My sister and all my family members think that I'm selfish and I need to just be with him. I feel so forced, and its like I feel like I'm settling down for someone who I don't really like which is unfair for him.
    Nobody should ever make you feel like you should date someone when you are not interested. I agree that plenty of people have grown to be attracted physically to someone over time once they become emotionally attracted to that person. Sometimes physical chemistry builds as two people really get to know each other. There is also this phenomenon in dating today where if two people don't feel complete lust for each other on the first or second date then it is game over. One can feel some kind of physical draw to a new person..some kind of physical chemistry...which is not the mindblowing lust that results in two people who just met ripping their clothes off and having sex with each other. Over time the mild, but present physicial chemistry can indeed grow into mindblowing lust as the two people develop a more meaningful rapport. The bottom line is how you view attraction...if you view attraction as someone you immediately want to have sex with then you may not be able to recognize mild physical attraction leading to long-term potential because you are focusing on the instant lust that is missing. So you need to take a step back and see what your pattern has been in relationships...if you go for the instant lust feelings or do you ever go for someone where there is mild attraction but no immediate lust. At any rate, the decision is completely up to you and not to your sister, family members, friends etc...do what you feel is best and don't force yourself to date someone simply out of family or peer pressure.

  10. #9
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    I wasn't that physically attracted to my ex but she was awesome on every other level. I ended up seeing where it would go and before I knew it I found her to be the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I highly recommend giving the guy a chance if you love spending time with him.

  11. #10
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    Same. I wasn't physically attracted to my ex. But I gave it a chance. He was adorable. I went crazy about him. And then BAM. He left me. I don't get it.

    I went out with other another guy. He was the ideal suitor but I realised I wasn't physically attracted to him. He was crazy about me. I dropped it after a couple of weeks. He was sort of possessive. Can;t deal with that crap.

    Just give it a shot and then weigh things - I mean which things really matter to you. For me, as long as he's decent and mature, there's no harm in giving it shot. If things don't go well for you, drop it.

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