Help! Please, i think my boyfriend is gay

[Ashlee24]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 15 months. Before we started dating we were close friends for around 3 years. Never in that time did he show any sexual interest in men.

Early on in our relationship he cheated on me with a girl, he had the decency to tell me himself, we worked through all that and eventually he earnt my trust back. I'll never trust him as much as i did which has brought up some complications because now i occaisionally check through his phone messages which he sees as an invasion of privacy.

i looked through his phone recently and found messages to a guy (whose also his cousin) saying things like anal on friday? His cousin agreed and on the friday afternoon when i saw my boyfriend the first opportunity i got i checked his phone. The night before they had sent messages to each other. My boyfriend asked if he could get any condoms (we dont use them as im on the pill) and his cousin said he already had some. They organised to meet at 1 on the friday but it never went ahead as my boyfriend came to see me.

Its only been happening the last couple of weeks and i've never found anything in his phone about being gay or bisexual to anyone before. im with him most of the time so i know he hasnt called him while im there to talk about it or emailing. I tried talking to him about it but he turned it back onto me and said he was starting to think i was lesbian because i kept bringing up talk about gay people. He promised me he was 100% straight and we've talked about getting married in the future and having children even though we are only young.

His 18 so is he just experimenting, or is he gay/bi or even as harsh as it sounds is he just playing around inside his cousins head?

He still treats me exactly the same, tells me he loves me, that im beautiful and all the rest but we never have sex anymore because he's always "to tired"
I cant bring up the messages because i promised i wouldnt go through his phone anymore and he'd probably leave me if i told him i'd been going through them.

Sorry about the length of this but im really confused as to whats going on in his head and as he wont talk to me its pretty hard to understand him. Can you please give me some help or advice on what to do?

[Don Juan]

Yup hes gay..or at least bicurious. He probably just dating you to get his parents off his back.

[metrogirl]

Maybe his cousin is getting some anal action and wants your bf to get the condoms for him?

[Don Juan]

If you really love the guy and dont want to share him..buy yourself a strap on.

[Goincrazy]

I don't have much advice on this topic, but I have to make a comment after reading the part about the marriage suggestion. You seem kind of young to be considering that especially with this guy. He cheated on you first of all, and I firmly believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Second of all, you go through his phone messages, which IS an invasion of privacy. There is no trust in your relationship. I'm not saying you are wrong to have your doubts about him, but it just doesn't seem like the 2 of you are very happy. That's just my opinion.

[WockaWocka]

The messages you found on his phone were pretty explicit, especially the discussion about condoms. Since the two of you don't use them it's safe to assume a discussion about bringing them can only mean he's sexually active with someone else right now. The other person could be a man, but who knows-- sometimes guys with nosy girlfriends use male names for women in their cell phone to avoid suspicion.

In any case, as strange as it sounds, whether he's gay or not is sort of beside the point. The main issue is that your relationship is basically devoid of trust. He is almost surely cheating on you and he's done it before. You are so suspicious of him that you feel the need to repeatedly invade his privacy. You can't even confront him about the messages you found because you promised not to ever look through his phone again. And to add insult to injury, he's avoiding sex with you but seemingly having it with someone else. There's not enough of a foundation here for a lasting relationship; sorry.

[Ashlee24]

Ok just to clarify he also goes through my phone which i have no problem with.. My boyfriend wasnt the the one taking the condoms he asked his cousin if he (the cousin) could get any. but the cousin already had some.
The fact that he didnt go and came to see me instead (his idea, not mine) puts a little doubt in my mind. especially since there is nothing indicating he has done it before.
I also forgot to add that he is in the process of quitting smoking which does lower your sex drive but then there are still the messages.

[LightbulbSun]

Yeah, it sounds like he's bi-sexual.

[lavenderdove]

Both gay AND incestuous... sorry! Straight guys don't talk like that to each other, and the fact that it's with his cousin makes it really icky... Guy's who don't want to come out or admit to it will insist they are straight even while setting up arrangements to meet men for sex. Many also will marry because they feel it is expected of them, meanwhile rarely having sex with their wives (if at all eventually) while carrying on an active gay lifestyle on the sly. A young straight man WILL want regular sex with their partner, and if that stops, it either means cheating of some kind or that they're working up to breaking up with you or have mental problems.

I would break up with him, get yourself tested for HIV, and definitely don't have sex with him without a condom is he's a cheater and has anal sex with other men.

[annie24]

ick. gay and incestuous. that is pretty bad.

if you stay with him, you'll be panicked whenever there is a family reunion. I would honestly leave him.