I will love you until the end of time.

[Love1336]

So, i was dating this man for three years. Our relationship was never perfect. He pissed me off a lot of his immaturity, and sometime being insensitive to my feelings and I pissed him off with my harsh words at times I would make him cry. I knew the right words to break him. Sadly, enough we both in some ways abuse each other emotionally, because then he would flirt with other girls and that would set me off. However in the whole three years, our relationship wasn't ALWAYS about getting even with one another, we simply fall out of love.

We officially broke up in September when i found out he was talking to his ex in a romantic way. I had enough of this, and always feeling angry at him. BUT lol we would still have sex! Which cause me to get pregnant, and eventually have a miscarriage in which he showed no feelings at all. He was just happy i wasnt pregnant anymore, and simply never ask how i was doing, just NOTHING.

SO my question is... Why do i miss him so much still? Why can't i ever get this man out of my head? I go to school, and work and yet i still love him so much. I love him as if we never broke up. But oh course he's moving on dating girls, and I'm just stuck... feeling so sad and worthless.

[penelope13]

You are probably morning the loss of the relationship and the potential family that you could have had, not necessarily him in person. Did you talk about your miscarriage with someone? Maybe you are more upset about it than you initially thought?

[Love1336]

To be honest no i haven't talk to anyone really. I am afraid too. I mean what if they see me as irresponsible? I'm not ready for that type of judgment upon me. I really thought he would be by my side for this whole thing, but he wasn't. And i think that what breaks my heart even more because for three years i was with him and already he's jumping into bed with other ladies, etc. its like what did those three years mean to you? NOTHING? its really haunts my mind A LOT.

[thejigsup]

I've used sex to get over a guy plenty of times. It didn't mean the relationship I had with them meant nothing, it just meant that I realized the relationship was over and that I had to move on. Some of us just don't see the point in months and months of mourning. It's not like anything is going to change, so you might as well have some fun. Now, his not checking up on you after your miscarriage bothers me a whole lot more than his sleeping with others. That was a nasty thing to do to you! Forget this guy and find you a true partner and make a life with them.

[Love1336]

Well he was my first guy Ive ever slept with, and the whole him not checking on me too haunts my mind too. Its all the crap put together which makes me stay stuck on him.
I have been doing fun things without him. I went on a cruise, saw beautiful beaches, zip line up high damn mountain Forrest, dance party. All kinds of things, but at times my mind just seem to wonder on him. I miss him. Its just so hard. I think him letting go so easily also bothers me. Its all strange mix emotions.
For the sex it was our thing you know? Its hard to explain what sex meant to us. I don't see sex something to as 'fun' or to pass the time. I see as having a connection and it meaning something. My vagina not sperm deposit.

[savignon]

I agree that you're probably mourning what you thought the relationship might be in the future rather than what it actually was, as it didn't sound very satisfying in the first place. I also agree that him "moving on" doesn't mean that you never meant anything to him...he's just taking a head first dive into the healing whereas a lot of people give themselves time to grieve or be alone for awhile first. Finally, I agree that you should be talking to someone about this. A counselor/therapist will not judge you....it might be that you're judging yourself and projecting that on to other people by making assumptions about how they will feel about you. Trust me....they've heard a lot worse than miscarriage and failed relationship....and they're able to help you figure out how you got to where you are and how to get past it successfully.
Best wishes.

[Love1336]

=) Thank you for making me smile.
Btw, where can i go to get help? i mean i don't have any money for that. D: I think if i did, i would had jumped on board because trying to do this all by myself really does seem to help. Im just bottling my feelings, shoot i didnt even want to join this site, but today while i was thinking and feeling sorry myself i realize i need to vent and let SOMEBODY know what i am going through. Im hoping this site can help.

[savignon]

Do you have an Employee Assistance Program? Sometimes they offer free counseling by phone. Something you can ask about at your work. Another option is to join a support group to support one of the issues (like for people who have had a miscarriage). Other ideas might be through your church if you belong to one.
If you're in school, there are usually free counseling services available.
And ENA is also a good start!!