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Reaction to Smoker?


Batya33

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I am curious to hear reactions from smokers/non-smokers alike. As "back story" I smoke cigarettes for about a year in my teens (then quit), I hate being around cigarette smoke and I don't want my child (a toddler) exposed unnecesarily to cigarette smoke.

 

The other day my son and I were walking in a public park. There is a small enclosed (but outdoor) area he likes to explore that contains a monument for people to read. As he lead me over to that area (well ,dragged) I noticed a woman standing in front of the monument, smoking a cigarette. If we had entered he would definitely have been in her cloud of smoke. So, I said to him (not that he understands but I try to use words with him as much as possible) "No, we can't go there now because there's smoke". I didn't yell it or say it in an angry way but nor did I care if she heard. She heard, turned and said "I'll leave" or something like that and seemed a bit miffed.

 

I thanked her and added that "he loves this spot".

 

Clearly my telling my child why we couldn't enter the area made her uncomfortable. Was it wrong of me to say what I said loudly enough for her to hear? She's permitted to smoke there but I don't feel badly when smokers have to move (either physically or move the cigarette away) in order not to blow smoke in other peoples' faces.

 

Thoughts?

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good for you for saying something. smokers annoy the hell outta me. i myself have never smoked a cigarette in my life, never have and never will. i have seen people die from lung cancer and other smoking related diseases.

my mother smokes and I hate it. the smell can stink up my clothes, it makes me sneeze, and gives me a headache. then I had to listen to her freakin cough and cough and cough and cough alllll day and night.

 

i think smokers are rude to smoke in public. who wants to inhale that nasty disgusting smoke? don't give me lung cancer.

 

smoking is gross and stupid.

 

if that lady wants to smoke let her lock herself in a closet so she doesn't suffocate others.

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Ok... so, clearly this will deteriorate into a smoker's bashing thread... but, as a smoker myself, I don't think that what you did was wrong.

 

As a smoker, I understand that this will bother many people. It is simple courtesy to move when you are in a spot where it is bothering people - especially a place like you described (ie: in front of a monument)

 

NOW... had she been minding her business away from everyone under a tree and your kid had to play at THAT tree instead of any OTHER tree - I'd probably tell you where to go. (ie: asking me to move for no good reason).

 

But a monument in a park? Yeah... perfectly reasonable for her to move.

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i think smoking is actually started to be outlawed in some public places. yes, she had the right to smoke there, but she needs to realize that smoke travels and even though you are outdoors people around you can still smell it.

to me it would be like burping or farting in someone's face: you have the right to do it and it's legal, but it just isn't right lol.

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Ok... so, clearly this will deteriorate into a smoker's bashing thread... but, as a smoker myself, I don't think that what you did was wrong.

 

As a smoker, I understand that this will bother many people. It is simple courtesy to move when you are in a spot where it is bothering people - especially a place like you described (ie: in front of a monument)

 

NOW... had she been minding her business away from everyone under a tree and your kid had to play at THAT tree instead of any OTHER tree - I'd probably tell you where to go. (ie: asking me to move for no good reason).

 

But a monument in a park? Yeah... perfectly reasonable for her to move.

 

sorrryyy i don't mean to bash smokers. im just trying to make the point that it's one thing to do something that only effects you but it's different if what you're doing effects someone else.

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I don't think what you did was unreasonable at all. I'm not a fan of smoking myself(have slight asthma), but people can do as they please as long as it doesn't interfere with others. A lot of people smoke on campus, so I just avoid the areas where many smoke. Though if they smoked somewhere where I had to be, I'd definitely say something.

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I've got a semi off topic question to ask here:

 

Is smoking really that addictive?

 

How many cigs does it take to get you hooked?

 

My girlfriend tells me that her uncle smokes with his friends during social occasions but normally, he doesn't smoke because he can control himself and he's not addicted.

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As you weren't rude, I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm curious about one thing, though:

 

I didn't yell it or say it in an angry way but nor did I care if she heard.

 

Do you really mean that, or did you actually want her to hear? And if so, what do you think was your underlying intention?

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I've got a semi off topic question to ask here:

 

Is smoking really that addictive?

 

How many cigs does it take to get you hooked?

 

My girlfriend tells me that her uncle smokes with his friends during social occasions but normally, he doesn't smoke because he can control himself and he's not addicted.

 

Everyone is different, so it depends on a lot of things for how many cig it would take to make a person addicted.

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I've got a semi off topic question to ask here:

 

Is smoking really that addictive?

 

How many cigs does it take to get you hooked?

 

My girlfriend tells me that her uncle smokes with his friends during social occasions but normally, he doesn't smoke because he can control himself and he's not addicted.

 

Yes, it is that addictive. The number of cigaretters required to become addicted varies accross individuals, and more importantly it's not just the number but also the frequency with which they're smoked (i.e. 40 in a year and you're unlikely to be addicted; 40 in a day and it's a different story). It's important to note that nicotine is not just psychologically addictive but also chemically addictive, so it's not just a matter of being able to control yourself. If you don't smoke, don't start in the naive belief that you'll be able to control the addiction. You won't, as millions of smoking addicted cancer sufferers will tell you with their dying breath.

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As you weren't rude, I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm curious about one thing, though:

 

 

 

Do you really mean that, or did you actually want her to hear? And if so, what do you think was your underlying intention?

Exactly that-I didn't feel I had a right to ask her to move nor dd I have a right to make a mean comment, but I didn't lower my voice when I told my child "no sorry we can't go there right now, there's smoke". My intention was for her to know that we couldn't go to look at the monument and explore around it (which he loves, that's why he was dragging me there) because of the cigarette smoke. I thought it was thoughtful of her to move away.

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As far as addictive, I thought that I got very attached to having a cigarette in my hand and the act of smoking - I don't think that in the year I smoked I became addicted to the nicotine. Part of the reason I smoked was because I wanted to lose weight and thought it would help curb my appetite. I am so so glad I quit when I did (almost 30 years ago!).

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I'm a former smoker, who was totally addicted, and I don't think you did anything wrong. She was in front of a monument and those are there for people to look at. Back when I smoked, I probably would have moved too without being offended. She just may have not been thinking about where she was lighting up because she was focused on relieving her craving and when you pointed it out, she probably thought, oh, oops.

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I don't think what you did was rude per say. I wouldn't allow my child in a spot were a smoker was smoking but I think if you wanted her to move so your child could play, you could have just asked her instead of being passive aggressive and saying it JUST loud enough for her to hear. If I were a smoker and that had been me, I wouldn't have been miffed about the fact you didn't want your child in the smoke but I would have been miffed in the way you went about it. Clearly she knew you didn't try to hide the pitch of your voice and you were in a roundabout way asking her to leave without actually engaging her adult-to-adult.

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where i live, it's illegal to smoke in the bus stop shelters (public, outdoors, but semi-enclosed). i don't think you did anything wrong. though i guess she would have been within her rights to stay too.

 

one time, some guy approached me and asked for a cig. i told him 'i don't smoke.' then he snarled at me that i wore too much makeup. i thought he was rude! besides, why is it ok to go up to strangers and ask them for stuff? do you see me asking if i can have a bite of your sandwich?

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one time, some guy approached me and asked for a cig. i told him 'i don't smoke.' then he snarled at me that i wore too much makeup. i thought he was rude! besides, why is it ok to go up to strangers and ask them for stuff? do you see me asking if i can have a bite of your sandwich?

 

Yeah, there are people out there like that. Total garbage.

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I quit, but smoked for a long time.

 

It was starting to feel like I was a pariah, when I was smoking. The places you can do it, kept dwindling. The places where people felt it was ok to call you on it, or even make ugly faces or vocally express disgust, kept growing.

 

I don't think what you did was wrong, exactly. But it might have made her feel badly, not simply because of your one comment but the many a smoker hears in their public time.

 

I think it's a delicate line. Of course your child has a right not to be around smoke, and I actually think most smokers would agree with keeping kids away from smoke (nowadays, now that awareness has spread and also partially because of the campaign of public shaming smokers have gone through).

 

A lot of the public parks here, there is no smoking allowed where the children's play structures and such are or near the gov't buildings. But 'free zones' like monuments and treed areas, are left as a place for non smokers and smokers to fuss it out.

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Thanks much to all -so interesting! Optomistic G - I did not feel comfortable asking her to move because she had every right to be there. I could have said "adult to adult" "um, my child really loves this spot, are you going to be here long- we're allergic to smoke" (white lie but again I think it's ok) - I did not talk to my child in a sarcastic way either so she would get the impression that I didn't want to confront.

 

I've had bad experiences when I've asked smokers to stop smoking or move - either in places where it was illegal or where I asked if they could point the cigarette another way (i.e. at a bar, when smoking used to be permitted) so I guess I was gun shy.

Karvala, I thought more about what you asked -great question. My opinion is that even if smoking is permitted in a particular place, smokers should prioritize the comfort of others over their need to smoke and, if they notice someone who is uncomfortable/coughing or they are asked to move, they should with no attitude.

And, I also agree that non-smokers should accommodate a smoker if possible -the good example given of "pick another tree to sit under". I've done that many many times.

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I don't smoke but my sister used to smoke like a chimney and I'm finding myself torn on this. I imagine I would have done something similar with my child and usually walk away when I see someone smoking as to not be around it. At the same time, it's a real addiction and an expensive one at that so I don't feel that a smoker should prioritize my comfort over their own when they're in a public park or something which is about the only place left where it is tolerated to smoke. Trust me I would love if smoking just all-together ceased for the benefit of everyone (especially the smokers), but to say they should think of me first when they're acting from a place of addiction doesn't seem all that fair. But then if the person were drinking and driving let's say, I would say for sure they should prioritize the well-being of others over their "expensive addiction".....so I could argue both sides I guess.

I hope when my baby comes I'm able to work up the nerve to make her and I a priority in those kinds of situations. I'm not very good at confrontation (not that you "confronted" her, but you weren't afraid of her reaction which is a good quality).

Everything I just wrote could be summarized as...."hmmm....I don't know".

It's interesting to think about though.

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I guess I don't assume that all smokers are addicted and since she could have moved a few feet away to continue smoking I don't think even an addicted person should have a problem. I did think more about it though and yes, if she was not yet done looking at the monument (which has a lot of engraving/words) then she of course should have stayed until she was done or said something like "I just want to read this more closely" - from what I could tell she already had been there awhile.

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Exactly that-I didn't feel I had a right to ask her to move nor dd I have a right to make a mean comment, but I didn't lower my voice when I told my child "no sorry we can't go there right now, there's smoke". My intention was for her to know that we couldn't go to look at the monument and explore around it (which he loves, that's why he was dragging me there) because of the cigarette smoke. I thought it was thoughtful of her to move away.

 

It was her right to be there but you wouldn't directly let her know you wanted her to move? I'm a none smoker but my mom smokes (unfortunately) and my mother is always careful when in public about smoking around children. However there has been the occasional adult to make a comment were it's obviously meant for her to hear it instead of directly saying something to her or simply moving away. If it was her right to be there (and legally she could smoke there) what would have been wrong with taking the child some were else until she had left the monument? Or simply just not let her over hear the conversation between you and the child? The fact you didn't lower you voice comes accross to me as you wanted her to move so your child could enjoy the monument--which is his right--but she has a right to be there as well, IMO. I would have been miffed as well.

 

I'm not saying smokers should be able to smoke wherever-they shouldn't. And they most def. should have consideration for others, especially children (remember again, I do not smoke nor have I ever) but none smokers also have to realize that they must accomdate smokers as well.

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