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Thread: BF Never seems to make plans with me (his GF) but always with other people.

  1. #1
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    BF Never seems to make plans with me (his GF) but always with other people.

    Hi, this is starting to bug me a bit, but i dont know if im just over reacting!

    My boyfriend tells me he is very busy and that he only has one day off a week - Saturday. He works three days and also studies. That part doesn't bother me too much as i have gotten used to it. I only see him Saturday nights. So i keep that night free.

    However, he constantly seems to make plans with friends on a Saturday or Sunday during the day. When i ask him for something we can do, a place to go to, he tells me he is busy. This doesn't happen every so often, it happens ALL the time, every weekend. He can never seem to commit to a plan, its always 'wait and see'.

    What is bugging me is that he'll make plans to go have lunch with some friends (girls) on a Saturday or Sunday. That part doesn't bother me. What does is that he NEVER makes plans with me during the day time of those days. I ask and ask but always get told he is busy and that he doesn't have time. The last time we actually spent a Saturday together in the day - at least 6 months ago. Im tired of just seeing him at night, there is only so much you can do. Just makes me feel like i come last to him sometimes.

    I asked him recently for something to do during a Saturday. Now this could have happened anywhere between 9am and 8pm - his answer was 'maybe'. That pretty much means a no and i told him that and he tells me 'well no it means maybe i have a lot of things to do and i want to relax'. The thing i was asking for him to go to would have taken less than 30 mins.

    Even if i were to discuss this with him, i just think i'll get a 'well you know i am busy i have a lot to do etc etc' and he wont consider how i am feeling.




     


  2. #2
    Platinum Member faithful14's Avatar
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    So you have told him how you have felt and he just gives you vague responses huh?

    uhhhh...guys like this only think about themselves and do what they feel is best for them....big no no in my opinion...

    honestly, the next time he asks you to hang out, tell him maybe or tell him you have other plans. I get the impression that he knows you will always be there for him, waiting to hang out, so he just makes you wait until it's more convenient for him. Don't do that.

    If he doesn't plan ahead, you don't meet. He should be giving you the same courtesy he gives to his friends, if not, even more.
    Have you noticed that when you stress too much about something & keep waiting for it anxiously, it just won't happen? This is true for everything in life. When you want something so desperately you won't get it. But when you can let go of your obsessive feelings & learn to care less about it, you will achieve your goal.

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    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
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    Hmmmm....tough to make someone consider your feelings if they don't already. It sounds like you did the right thing by talking to him about it and you keep offering/trying to make plans, giving him many chances to take you up on it.
    Since it sounds like everything revolves around his schedule and he's not willing to change any of his plans or include you, I'd maybe start getting "busy" in the evenings and politely tell him that you're not always available just on his terms. A little taste of his own medicine to drive the point home?? Normally I wouldn't play games like that, I'd just tell him it really bothers me and if that didn't matter to him I might reconsider what kind of long-term potential he has for me.
    "It'll all be okay in the end....so if it's not okay, it's not the end." -Unknown

    "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt

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    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    This guy has been treating you as a low priority for quite some time. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate this relationship?
    "When you start rationalizing and accepting a cheater's behaviour/excuses, you start playing a game of how low can you go." ~ Lavenderdove ~

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    Quote Originally Posted by faithful14 View Post
    So you have told him how you have felt and he just gives you vague responses huh?

    uhhhh...guys like this only think about themselves and do what they feel is best for them....big no no in my opinion...

    honestly, the next time he asks you to hang out, tell him maybe or tell him you have other plans. I get the impression that he knows you will always be there for him, waiting to hang out, so he just makes you wait until it's more convenient for him. Don't do that.

    If he doesn't plan ahead, you don't meet. He should be giving you the same courtesy he gives to his friends, if not, even more.
    I have told him in the past yep, and i get no where. I get snapped at by him and he tells me he is 'busy' and 'you know this'. Its got nothing to do with his work or study!

    I do tend to wait around for him. I hate that i do to! I have gave the 'maybe' response to him. And INSTANTLY i get a 'why maybe'. Yet he can give it to me and it all has to be fine.


    Quote Originally Posted by savignon View Post
    Hmmmm....tough to make someone consider your feelings if they don't already. It sounds like you did the right thing by talking to him about it and you keep offering/trying to make plans, giving him many chances to take you up on it.
    Since it sounds like everything revolves around his schedule and he's not willing to change any of his plans or include you, I'd maybe start getting "busy" in the evenings and politely tell him that you're not always available just on his terms. A little taste of his own medicine to drive the point home?? Normally I wouldn't play games like that, I'd just tell him it really bothers me and if that didn't matter to him I might reconsider what kind of long-term potential he has for me.
    Lately tho, im starting to get over asking for things for us to do and be told no! He is busy with his work and study, but if he can find time to catch up with friends for lunch during the day, lounge around doing nothing, washing his car etc - he should be able to find time for me - not just on a Saturday night. I dont want to play games but maybe i have to give him a taste of his own medicine a few times and if he complains might be a chance to talk about it.
    Last edited by miie; 01-25-2011 at 11:13 PM.

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    Platinum Member faithful14's Avatar
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    how long have you guys been together?
    Have you noticed that when you stress too much about something & keep waiting for it anxiously, it just won't happen? This is true for everything in life. When you want something so desperately you won't get it. But when you can let go of your obsessive feelings & learn to care less about it, you will achieve your goal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn View Post
    This guy has been treating you as a low priority for quite some time. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate this relationship?
    Yeah. It comes and goes. I dont know if its always me just over analysing stuff (i seem to do this now a lot as i missed a lot of the 'red flags' in previous relationships). One moment he is treating me great, the next its like i dont exist!

    And when its great, i tend to forget the bad. Sometimes i find myself thinking of marriage and kids. But from thigns he has said, i dont think these things are on his mind - or at least having htem with me. He always says he would with 'the right girl'.

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    Quote Originally Posted by faithful14 View Post
    how long have you guys been together?
    nearly 2 years

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    Platinum Member faithful14's Avatar
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    Has he always been like this in the two years you have gone out or is this a more recent development?
    Have you noticed that when you stress too much about something & keep waiting for it anxiously, it just won't happen? This is true for everything in life. When you want something so desperately you won't get it. But when you can let go of your obsessive feelings & learn to care less about it, you will achieve your goal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by faithful14 View Post
    Has he always been like this in the two years you have gone out or is this a more recent development?
    Um, probably most of the relationship - the seeing each other once a week thing. I've brought the problem up with him before. Got no where. It'll be great for a few months and then i just dont feel important or a priority to him. I think sometimes when i've pulled away a bit he tries to contact me more etc.

    Not very long ago, something was bothering him, i still dont know what, but he shut me out for about a month, no replys, no phone calls, hardly see him just nothing. THen it just suddenly went backt o normal. I tried to find out what was wrong, but he would not open up or explain.

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