Men - what makes you fall in love?

On another thread, a guy said that men don't look for love. Love finds them. He also drew a distinction between men wanting sex and men wanting love.

I want to ask what it is that would lead a man to LOVE a woman, not just find her attractive and want to have sex with her? I'm interested in knowing what men's experience has been with falling in love or loving a woman. Why did you love her? Was it compatibility or common interests or admiration for her personality/character/qualities? Did you go out looking for love, or did it sneak up on you?

There are a lot of us women who would like to know how men fall in love so that we know whether or not we're in a real relationship or one of convenience that's leading nowhere.

Love has always found me when I least expected it to. Like literally, completely unexpected. It came to me at times when I felt my best, was confident, was able to make it on my own, etc.

Just being myself has found me love and has also lost me love. You can't play games because eventually the goes stale and you are left with who you truly are.

Men will always want to have sex and 'hook up' with the extra hot woman. However, the girl that is cute, bubbly, and can make them laugh will meet Mom and Dad.

Well this is a really tough question to answer. How did I fall in love with my ex? believe it or not I feel in love with her personality and as the years went by I got deeper and deeper and we developed an intimacy that I still miss to this day. Small things like the way she handle stress, the relationship, how I was able to trust her in the relationship. the commitment from her end, the comfort of being by her side, being able to make her happy when we were together.

Why did I fall in love with her?

Because I fell in love with her mind. I like the way she acted in public, I liked the way she was herself to me when we were by ourselves. Because we had nothing to hide. she had a smell to her that even now I miss. Because I though she needed me (big mistake) because at the end of the day i said to myself "yes, I could marry this girl, good day or bad I only want you at the end of the night, and wake up to in the morning by your side" I felt content. It got to the point at which I didn't look at women the same because she was all i wanted.

Common interest

Look for love or sneak up?

Little bit of both

We both drive the same car, have the same major

Thanks, thekid55. You're the second person tonight to mention being who you are. The first was on another thread. I agree. If you can't be who you are in a relationship, that will drag you down, and the relationship down. If you can't let the other person be who he/she is, then you will drag him/her down.

I'm not a naturally bubbly person, so I hope that being warm and kind will lead me to meet Mom and Dad someday.

Sex and love are two completely different things in a man's eyes. We simply have the ability to differentiate between the two. Sex is mostly a physical thing for us, whereas as love... well love is just damn euphoric.

Seeing ourself in a woman (Same interests, morals, etc) is a good stepping stone towards love. Those moments where we can go "You like that too!? OMG!" are just fantastic and separate you from others in our eyes. However, the WORST thing that you can do is not be yourself. At first it might seem like a good idea, but when we find out it'll make the relationship that you have built crumble worse than the first pig's house.

C_Unknown, you seem to have explained it rather well! I can tell you really appreciated your ex. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two.

BallroomNerd, that makes sense, what you said about having things in common. Funny, with my ex, we did have many things in common, but I never felt as though it counted for much with him. I'm not disagreeing with you, just thinking back on that relationship...

As for being oneself, I want to say that I asked this question not to suggest women become anything they're not (good reminder, though!), but rather to help us get a clue as to when the man's feelings towards us are more about love versus more about attraction or simply wanting someone to be with.

I don't necessarily affiliate sex with love but I do affiliate sex with a strong emotional connection. I actually never cared for sex only (or primary reason) relationships. Almost 99% of my friends look at "fun" as how many girls they can sleep with but there are a few guys in the world that like to be romantic. I am very blessed with my skills in bed but I am only good because of my desire to emotionally connect mentally with a lady. Sex does mean something big but to me its nothing without a emotional connection. So I don't care for any of the friends with benefits or one night stands. My friends think im weird but I like my beliefs.

Love is something I look for and is up there in my list. Thought I had it but I was wrong. Hopefully I will find love soon Do you know how some people (men/women) don't play "games" in certain aspect of their lives? Some people party hard but draw the line when it comes to drugs... others don't and will be the complete opposite and will "drop" any pill they come accross. Some people are foolish when it comes to education while some their education serious. Serious doesn't mean boring. I actually take school, work, money, fatherhood AND women serious. I don't play around with any of those priorities. My fun is partying, socializing, cars, snowboarding, rafting...etc.

My luck with women is nowhere near to my sex loving friends thats because I actually do care on what a lady thinks and feels. It amazes (in a shocked way) me how some of my friends can easily get a phone number even if they de-moralized them on their initial approach. I guess women are getting used to being physical objects?

I am quite attractive but I have been told my luck with women are "poor" because I view them more than just wanting to sleep with them. My buddies have said if I go out there looking for sex instead of love... I would have no problem. Its not me... I actually want love. I have been in a few situation with very cute ladies and I have said "no" to them. They first are hurt because they feel if I view them bad (isn't' that weird?) but then they become quite amazed (after an explanation) by actually meeting a good all around guy that wants more than sex.

I think my body is a prize. I keep it in top shape and I know I am good. When I find that lady ... she will be very very happy

Its 110% harder to approach a lady to possibly establish a relationship than approaching a lady to basically trying to only sleep with them.....

I wonder if I'm capable of falling in love in the first place. *shrugs*

I could care less why I fall in love with a girl, it can be her smile, the way she acts, look in her eyes, what she says or how she says it, how she thinks... The more I realize all the silly reasons I fall in love, the more it makes me sick of it. I don't think I want to fall in love again.

bobbydigital83, sounds like you have your life straight. By sticking to your priorities, you'll end up with a rich, meaningful life as well. Count me in with the other ladies who are surprised but pleased to hear from a guy who wants to have a relationship and not just a convenient sex partner. I hope you find the right one for you. I also appreciated what you said about being able to draw the line. I'm getting to know someone who has drugs in his history (not sure about now), and I'm not sure if he's got good boundaries there. Ideally, I'd like him to be drug-free, but I guess what you're saying is that it's not either/or. It depends on the person.

What makes me fall in-love with a girl is if she can talk about anything and everything to me and is very trustworthy..and that she is not just looking for a quick pounding, i hate that crap...Also just her presence's makes me happy. and the fact that she wants to be around me all the time.

There are a lot of us women who would like to know how men fall in love so that we know whether or not we're in a real relationship or one of convenience that's leading nowhere.

Actions always speak louder than words when it comes to love; a man that loves shows it in his expressions and actions. Simply by observing if he is happy to see you is good enough!

But trying to read between the lines, your concern about a relationship that is "leading nowhere" is interesting. What is the end result that you are looking for? The pure fact that a man loves you, or that it should lead to marriage and children?

I know I got it bad when I start asking myself why I'm thinking about one particular girl - it becomes a denial contest if I'm not with her.

Men: Do you think it's possible to be "in love" with a woman, but be unaware of it because you have preconceived ideas of what "love" should be?

Looks initially help but it's personality and quality of conversation that make me like someone. If a woman is interesting to talk to and make me happy just talking to her then it starts from there. Always a long process for me as well, months not days or weeks !

What makes me fall in-love with a girl is if she can talk about anything and everything to me and is very trustworthy..and that she is not just looking for a quick pounding, i hate that crap...Also just her presence's makes me happy. and the fact that she wants to be around me all the time.

Looks initially help but it's personality and quality of conversation that make me like someone. If a woman is interesting to talk to and make me happy just talking to her then it starts from there. Always a long process for me as well, months not days or weeks !

That's really encouraging, Shakeybones and putter65. I have to admit I've gotten confused by hearing so much that "men are visual." I may be the only woman who feels like this, but I can get freaked out thinking that even once I start dating someone, he may be swayed by someone hotter -- or bubblier (I'm not the bubbly type.) The guy I'm getting to know now, we had a really long conversation last week about a whole bunch of topics. He said he liked it, but I'm just hoping it "counts" with him -- not that it's a fun thing to do with a gal pal.

Would that ever be the case -- that a good conversation wouldn't count as much as being bubbly or gorgeous?

But trying to read between the lines, your concern about a relationship that is "leading nowhere" is interesting. What is the end result that you are looking for? The pure fact that a man loves you, or that it should lead to marriage and children?

Well, I'm kinda traditional, FreakAndUnique, so to me, if I find the right guy for me, love would lead to marriage. (Not sure about children.) My last relationship I wasn't even sure about the love part, though, so that's why I'm wondering about what makes men fall in love.

kuteknish -- good question! I'd like to know, too.

The thing about a stunning looking women is - I'm interested initially by the looks but if the woman is rude or boring, doesn't smile etc and my interest goes straight away.

That's really encouraging, Shakeybones and putter65. I have to admit I've gotten confused by hearing so much that "men are visual." I may be the only woman who feels like this, but I can get freaked out thinking that even once I start dating someone, he may be swayed by someone hotter -- or bubblier (I'm not the bubbly type.) The guy I'm getting to know now, we had a really long conversation last week about a whole bunch of topics. He said he liked it, but I'm just hoping it "counts" with him -- not that it's a fun thing to do with a gal pal.

 

Would that ever be the case -- that a good conversation wouldn't count as much as being bubbly or gorgeous?

The guys that jump to the next hottest girl are usually the ( * * * * heads) who have no concept of being attached on a good personal level. all they are concerned with is how many notches they can get on their belt..( i have a friend like this, he gets alot of girls but seems to be afraid of commitment and or does not want any sort of connection with a girl all he does is try to bone down) I talk crap to him on a daily basis because of his way's. but i guess to each his own.

Why did you love her? Was it compatibility or common interests or admiration for her personality/character/qualities? Did you go out looking for love, or did it sneak up on you?

Thinking back the women I was attracted to were loyal, honest and like the OP's stated, we could talk about anything. Nothing like someone taking the time to research what you like and ask questions. I probably bored the few to death as I enthusiastically detailed out my hobbies and such. I'm a sucker for a killer smile but personality, tough inside and willing to stand up for things is surprisingly hot. Not a bully but someone that cannot be intimidated if they are in the right. I should be with a judge. lol

Yes, love snuck up on me and beat me senseless AFTER she left. It's still love in its purest form and I'll have it again. After all Christmas is coming. LOL

Yes, love snuck up on me and beat me senseless AFTER she left. It's still love in its purest form and I'll have it again. After all Christmas is coming. LOL

I wish you the best with that, MasterPo.

Thinking back the women I was attracted to were loyal, honest and like the OP's stated, we could talk about anything. Nothing like someone taking the time to research what you like and ask questions. I probably bored the few to death as I enthusiastically detailed out my hobbies and such. I'm a sucker for a killer smile but personality, tough inside and willing to stand up for things is surprisingly hot. Not a bully but someone that cannot be intimidated if they are in the right. I should be with a judge. lol

Hm, that gives me some ideas...especially researching and asking questions. I hit it off with a guy I just met specifically because I really wanted to understand what he was saying. So although it meant that I had to interrupt him several times (he tends to, um, go on and on), in the end he seemed to genuinely appreciate my attentiveness. He started asking clarifying questions of his own when I was speaking. And I LOVE that in a man...

Love has always found me when I least expected it to. Like literally, completely unexpected. It came to me at times when I felt my best, was confident, was able to make it on my own, etc.

 

Just being myself has found me love and has also lost me love. You can't play games because eventually the goes stale and you are left with who you truly are.

 

Men will always want to have sex and 'hook up' with the extra hot woman. However, the girl that is cute, bubbly, and can make them laugh will meet Mom and Dad.

I am a guy and I approve this message. So damn true

Not to be a dolt but when it comes to making a guy laugh, is teasing the best way? Or when you say "makes me laugh" are you thinking about a woman who can tell funny stories. Or what??

^that's going to depend on the type of humor he likes I'm sure.

I have never fallen in love. I had some sex-based dates, but that was all. I do not know what love is.