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Signs of a closet gay.


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It sounds like if he is gay, he does not want anyone to know at the moment. I think you're better of accepting/respecting that than trying to figure him out or look for signs. And maybe he's not gay, in which case there is nothing to figure out. I think if he does want to come out eventually (assuming he's gay) he will do so on his own timetable when it makes sense to him and he may not appreciate people trying to guess or figure him out (might make him uncomfortable).

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In general, you should respect the person's wishes to be known as whatever orientation s/he declares. Gay people are under no obligation whatsoever to make themselves available in anyway.

 

That being said, in my experience, there are two big signs that a guy might be gay.

 

1) He mentions loudly and emphatically when seeing a media blond that SHES REALLY HOT. HER BREASTS APPEAL TO ME. I can't explain it properly, because jerks say the same things openly. But the since un-closeted gay men in my life all had this super defensive and over-the-top over-voiced love of the female form.

2) He has a million excuses why the super cute and really friendly girl who is hitting on him can't be his girlfriend. "I don't believe in sex before marriage" is a great one. So is "She's too forward, it ruins the appeal!" or "She's too tall and thin. And her hair is too shiny." Or, he dates serially and breaks up the gig because of incompatibility.

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That can be hard to detect...a lot of times closeted guys put on a REALLY good act. But here's some good telltale signs that your pal may be in the closet.

 

1.) Does NOT like being asked if he's gay or not. He gets very defensive and dwells on it long after he's asked.

2.) Doesn't date very many girls, or like above poster said is never in a relationship for very long. They mainly date a girl to throw people off the track but it's usually not very long before they break it off...

3.) Mannerisms are everything. Most of the time if a guy is effeminate it usually means they're at least curious. It's not 100% accurate all of the time but it is a good indicator.

4.) How intimate are the two of you? You can tell a lot based off of body language and the way you guys talk.

 

A caveat, though...if this guy is truly in the closet you may want to take a wait-and-see approach. Closeted guys are usually never a good idea to date, even after they start coming out of the closet. They're trying to find their identity, and oftentimes relationships with them don't last because they're more interested in getting out into the community and going buckwild. And if the guy is still in the closet while you guys date then that's a HUGE problem...how can he ever be true to another person when he's not being true to himself?

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Good morning. I am attracted to a friend of mine. I am thinking he is gay (as does everyone else), but he says he is straight. I need to know some signs of a closet gay.

 

What everyone else thinks doesn't matter, because most people have very little understanding of minority sexualities.

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This guy is my best friend and I hate to see him struggle. Ya he hates being called gay, and he makes it a point to tell me that he is not gay about twice every time I see him; which is everyday. Last night he was over. He wanted to watch the lunar eclipse with me. So we did. It was pretty cool. Idk we could just be great friends but the way he looks at me and always wants to be around me tells me otherwise. I do believe that if he is gay he will come out to me on his own terms. Either way I got an amazing friend.

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Any heterosexual man would get defensive if someone asked him if he was gay.Many painfully shy heterosexual men don't date at all but are completely heterosexual .I am not sure how you define ''effeminate'',I don't think mannerisms can give an accurate picture of sexuality .Michael Jackson had many effeminate mannerisms at least by how I define it [extremely softspoken,very sensitive]but he was completely straight..The topic is kind of irrelevant anyway ''closet gay'' most people don't care ..I mean they may speculate if someone's sexuality is not obvious but it's not going to affect how they treat the individual.To the OP ,your friend said he was straight ,questioning that says more about you than it does about him .Leave him alone.

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I've never come accross that,mentioning a girl is hot .No.2 could be the reaction of a very shy man ..Shy men often dismiss when it may be obvious to everyone else that a girl is flirting with him ..They don't have enough self confidence to actually believe that the girl is interested in him .Most gay people I know do not shout out to the world that they are gay but they certainly don't deny it like the friend of the OP .

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I agree about the mannerisms. Many of my more effeminate friends in fact get more girls than anybody! And much of that is due to how sure they are of their sexuality. It often comes down to confidence. And yes, many guys who make it a point to say such and such media figure has a killer set of "bosoms" are overcompensating. That being said, you're not in the wrong for trying to get to the bottom of it if you're genuinely trying to help him be happy with himself. He's your friend and you care about him!

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I agree about the mannerisms. Many of my more effeminate friends in fact get more girls than anybody! And much of that is due to how sure they are of their sexuality. It often comes down to confidence. And yes, many guys who make it a point to say such and such media figure has a killer set of "bosoms" are overcompensating. That being said, you're not in the wrong for trying to get to the bottom of it if you're genuinely trying to help him be happy with himself. He's your friend and you care about him!

If his friend told him he was straight I would leave it alone .If his friend is gay he will tell him when he is ready.

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I've never come accross that,mentioning a girl is hot .No.2 could be the reaction of a very shy man ..Shy men often dismiss when it may be obvious to everyone else that a girl is flirting with him ..They don't have enough self confidence to actually believe that the girl is interested in him .Most gay people I know do not shout out to the world that they are gay but they certainly don't deny it like the friend of the OP .

 

Sure, it's not 100%, but it works pretty well for me. If you see a guy who talks all the time about how beautiful breasts are, and who is friends with a beautiful woman who would do anything for him but he says that he doesn't like the way she laughs and that's why they can't date.... he's probably batting for the other team.

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Sure, it's not 100%, but it works pretty well for me. If you see a guy who talks all the time about how beautiful breasts are, and who is friends with a beautiful woman who would do anything for him but he says that he doesn't like the way she laughs and that's why they can't date.... he's probably batting for the other team.

 

Ya he does that all the time. He is always woman bashing and critiquing women. And no I'm not out to him.

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Sure, it's not 100%, but it works pretty well for me. If you see a guy who talks all the time about how beautiful breasts are, and who is friends with a beautiful woman who would do anything for him but he says that he doesn't like the way she laughs and that's why they can't date.... he's probably batting for the other team.

 

I don't agree.Most beautiful women have it pretty easy when it comes to available men to date and would think it rare that one would do anything for a guy without him reciprocating in some way.She would get tired of that evasive behaviour pretty quickly.

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I don't agree.Most beautiful women have it pretty easy when it comes to available men to date and would think it rare that one would do anything for a guy without him reciprocating in some way.She would get tired of that evasive behaviour pretty quickly.

 

Some women actually develop crushes... And lots of people love wanting what they can't have. I don't really see what you are disagreeing about though, what does this have to do with the girl? If a guy is making up a million and one excuses why he can't reciprocate the interest of a hot female, that's a sign.

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  • 1 year later...

there is a guy i know at school, that is probably a 10 on the looks scale. He dumped a girl friend because "she wanted to have sex". also, he went on a few dates with a really hot girl and he broke it off because "her hair is too short and she is annoying and they werent compatible". He also flirts with me by saying stuff like "what did you think i would do with you?" "were you tryin to get me alone?!?" and "i want u to put it in my butt". he will blatantly say stuff like "meagan fox is so hott!!" he also will say if you ask him why he wont hook up with girls "im not that kind of guy!" and "i need to be dating for a month before i will even kiss". I have seen him looking at me longingly and i have also seen him looking at my butt. once he bent over (too far i guess haha) and he stood up really quick and said "im glad no one came up behind me and said 'im gonna give it to u good'!!! also, he looks at hot guys and if u catch him he will say something like "hes to tall to play baseball!!" also, he said i needed to have my sideburns reshaped. a friend heard this and said "so you can look better for him? ***". he also has commented about my eyes "i bet your green eyes save u" and "are your eyes turqoise?" a friend overheard this and said "i dont wanna hear about how pretty u think his eyes are" and he said "i dont personally think his eyes are pretty!!!" good saves haha. he cites religious reasons and no sex before marriage as to why he wont take it farther with girls.

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He could possibly just be very comfortable with his sexuality therefore he's open with his actions and comfortable with a guy. He also sounds picky with whom he dates. Maybe he's curious but I think a lot of guys are at some point. You could try continuing to flirt with him, stepping it up a notch each time and see how he goes with it. If he gets weirded out then just back off, especially if he knows you're out because he will know you're looking for something more. If you present yourself as being straight, then he's not going to read into any of your signs of flirting because guys (sexually secure guys at least) do what he does all the time. It's becoming more widely acceptable among straight men to act this way.

 

Speaking from a psychological and personal standpoint, I feel like someone who is deeply in the closet deals with not being sure/comfortable with their sexuality through anger and get very defensive when people question their sexuality. I met a guy this summer and he immediately struck me as gay not just because I wanted him to be, but from the moment I met him I just got this vibe that he wasn't straight because I saw a lot of how I used to behave in him. We're both young, but he's about 2 years younger than me. I was a little farther past how he is now at his age but not by too much. If someone ever questioned my sexuality, I would lash out and get defensive. I would feel insecure and as soon as they started questioning me, I would talk about girls to deter them from the thought. However I would never say that I was straight, I just couldn't find those words ever coming out of my mouth. I would beat around the bush. When guys gave me attention, I liked it secretly. When girls did, I was oblivious and didn't give them the time of day (although I dated many.) I even signed an anti-gay marriage petition. I thought I was supposed to end up with a wife and kids because that's what the world views as being the "norm." Took me a while to get over that.

 

I think the real signs of a closet gay can be seen in how they react to people questioning their sexuality. If they are insecure and their insecurities are brought to the surface, they will obviously do what they can to fight and mask them. Overcompensation is a big thing. I was getting extremely close with this guy that I was talking about earlier to the point where we would talk day in and day out, even if we knew we were seeing each other in class the next day. He knew I was gay and he knew that I had feelings for me. He let me touch him and flirt with him and he would just laugh/blush and smile. He never talked about girls. One day I decided to jokingly ask if he was bi/bicurious and it took him a while to answer back but he just laughed and said I'm funny. What happens the very next day during the break in class? He brings out his phone and starts showing me pictures of "hot girls" that he was going to hang out with. He also started using the words gay and ****** for insults. Just the other day I asked him SERIOUSLY if he was straight and it turned into a full-blown fight. He never answered the question, just fought me to prove that every one of my points were wrong. I believe that I'm the only person to hit close to home with him on the matter and he got really scared, especially when I told him I saw a lot of how I was in him. He's not ready to accept it himself.

 

That's just what I think!

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  • 4 weeks later...

the guy i was talking about asked me to a movie, and acted all standoffish and weird. totally cut off all contact with me like he does with his "dates". he gave me the sensual "finger at the side of the mouth" lool while he turned around with his back to me while i could see his butt. he also wont bend over "i dont bend down that far! i'd get it good!" (anal sex)

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  • 1 month later...

Well I am a closeted gay guy. I don't really think that anyone could tell I was gay. I work on a ranch as a cowboy, I don't fit into any of the gay stereotypes. I don't date girls and always have a pretty good excuse when asked why; haven't found the right one, too busy, dating just doesn't work. Idk I have never been asked if I am gay nor do I think that anyone even suspects. As far as things that I do that might tip someone I like off; I sometimes stare at them not in a creepy way I just look at them a little longer than most straight guys would. When I pat them on the back or something that requires physical contact I keep my hand there longer than normal. But other than that I can't really think of anything that might tip you off as to your friends orientation. Although I do disagree with some previous posts, if someone asked me if I was gay I would say no, but that doesn't mean that I want to be "left alone" about the subject. Maybe your just asking in the wrong way. If you let him know somehow that you were attracted to him he would probably be a lot more willing to admit that he is.

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  • 2 weeks later...

1.) Does NOT like being asked if he's gay or not. He gets very defensive and dwells on it long after he's asked.

 

By that account, a huge portion of the male population must be gays then. Many guys are so afraid of being labelled gays, that they would launch into attack or tirade if someone insinuates that they are gay.

 

3.) Mannerisms are everything. Most of the time if a guy is effeminate it usually means they're at least curious. It's not 100% accurate all of the time but it is a good indicator.

 

Talk about stereotyping.

 

Gender expression does not necessarily correlate with sexual orientation. Most gays are neither effeminate (nor hardcore leather gays). but falls along the same spectrum as most other people. They are just normal people with a somewhat different sexual orientation than what is considered average.

 

Sure, some very effeminate men could very well be gay, bisexuals or even transgendered. But there are effeminate straights as there are effeminate homosexuals. There are masculine straights as there are masculine homosexuals.

 

Usually, sexual orientation is not deducible from ones mannerisms (except for very obvious cases).

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  • 3 months later...

it's hard to define if someone is closeted...i've had a lot of personal experience with closeted guys...frustrating as hell!...but more so for them i think...there are plenty of guys dating girls, sleeping with them and having long term relationships with them that are into guys...but does it mean they are just closeted? No. They could be bisexual as well. You'll know though because if they're really frustrated then they are probably batting for the wrong team...this guy i've met at university just gives it away everytime...he's nervouse, blushes bright red when he talks to me, stares at me in lectures...has even followed me around the campus....but he's this jock who will never come out i think...and has this group of friends through whom he met his girlfriend...they all hang out together and its hard for guys like that to give up the "life" they've got even if its based on a lie...they would probably become outcasts or fear they would and have to start again...can't believe in 2013 this is still happening..

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  • 4 years later...
sounds like harassment to me. If he says he is straight, then leave him alone. What is going on in his intimate life is none of your business.

 

it sure as hell is her business if he is swinging his $#@!! around the jungle of $#@! because she will not only lose her self-esteem and woman-hood, but she will contract regular doses of bacterial infections and stds ***at the very least***, take it from me!!!! Cervical cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility etc ...I just pray that she doesnt end up contracting hiv/aids or hep c which is a death sentence all because it was, as you say, "none of her business!"!!!!

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either way, whether gay, straight, or bi, you don't lie to a person to the point of cheating and then risking the health of women just because you can't come clean about your sexuality!!! you risk giving her cervical cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, stds, hep c, hiv/aids (death sentences), and that's not including the deflated self-esteem and pride that every woman has the god given right to possess...only to be neglected because of a man that is lying about his penis problems!!!! It's about time men got a grip and started at least fulfilling their supposed role of "protector"; protector of women and children as a species instead of misleading and damaging our species!!!!!!!!!!11

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