Signs of a closet gay.

[josephrob123]

Good morning. I am attracted to a friend of mine. I am thinking he is gay (as does everyone else), but he says he is straight. I need to know some signs of a closet gay.

[lady00]

It sounds like if he is gay, he does not want anyone to know at the moment. I think you're better of accepting/respecting that than trying to figure him out or look for signs. And maybe he's not gay, in which case there is nothing to figure out. I think if he does want to come out eventually (assuming he's gay) he will do so on his own timetable when it makes sense to him and he may not appreciate people trying to guess or figure him out (might make him uncomfortable).

[generaldiscord]

In general, you should respect the person's wishes to be known as whatever orientation s/he declares. Gay people are under no obligation whatsoever to make themselves available in anyway.

That being said, in my experience, there are two big signs that a guy might be gay.

1) He mentions loudly and emphatically when seeing a media blond that SHES REALLY HOT. HER BREASTS APPEAL TO ME. I can't explain it properly, because jerks say the same things openly. But the since un-closeted gay men in my life all had this super defensive and over-the-top over-voiced love of the female form.
2) He has a million excuses why the super cute and really friendly girl who is hitting on him can't be his girlfriend. "I don't believe in sex before marriage" is a great one. So is "She's too forward, it ruins the appeal!" or "She's too tall and thin. And her hair is too shiny." Or, he dates serially and breaks up the gig because of incompatibility.

[BasicBrian]

That can be hard to detect...a lot of times closeted guys put on a REALLY good act. But here's some good telltale signs that your pal may be in the closet.

1.) Does NOT like being asked if he's gay or not. He gets very defensive and dwells on it long after he's asked.
2.) Doesn't date very many girls, or like above poster said is never in a relationship for very long. They mainly date a girl to throw people off the track but it's usually not very long before they break it off...
3.) Mannerisms are everything. Most of the time if a guy is effeminate it usually means they're at least curious. It's not 100% accurate all of the time but it is a good indicator.
4.) How intimate are the two of you? You can tell a lot based off of body language and the way you guys talk.

A caveat, though...if this guy is truly in the closet you may want to take a wait-and-see approach. Closeted guys are usually never a good idea to date, even after they start coming out of the closet. They're trying to find their identity, and oftentimes relationships with them don't last because they're more interested in getting out into the community and going buckwild. And if the guy is still in the closet while you guys date then that's a HUGE problem...how can he ever be true to another person when he's not being true to himself?

[FreakAndUnique]

Sounds like harassment to me. If he says he is straight, then leave him alone. What is going on in his intimate life is none of your business.

[JazzTheme]

Good morning. I am attracted to a friend of mine. I am thinking he is gay (as does everyone else), but he says he is straight. I need to know some signs of a closet gay.

What everyone else thinks doesn't matter, because most people have very little understanding of minority sexualities.

[josephrob123]

This guy is my best friend and I hate to see him struggle. Ya he hates being called gay, and he makes it a point to tell me that he is not gay about twice every time I see him; which is everyday. Last night he was over. He wanted to watch the lunar eclipse with me. So we did. It was pretty cool. Idk we could just be great friends but the way he looks at me and always wants to be around me tells me otherwise. I do believe that if he is gay he will come out to me on his own terms. Either way I got an amazing friend.

[bostonbruins44]

That can be hard to detect...a lot of times closeted guys put on a REALLY good act. But here's some good telltale signs that your pal may be in the closet.

1.) Does NOT like being asked if he's gay or not. He gets very defensive and dwells on it long after he's asked.
2.) Doesn't date very many girls, or like above poster said is never in a relationship for very long. They mainly date a girl to throw people off the track but it's usually not very long before they break it off...
3.) Mannerisms are everything. Most of the time if a guy is effeminate it usually means they're at least curious. It's not 100% accurate all of the time but it is a good indicator.
4.) How intimate are the two of you? You can tell a lot based off of body language and the way you guys talk.

A caveat, though...if this guy is truly in the closet you may want to take a wait-and-see approach. Closeted guys are usually never a good idea to date, even after they start coming out of the closet. They're trying to find their identity, and oftentimes relationships with them don't last because they're more interested in getting out into the community and going buckwild. And if the guy is still in the closet while you guys date then that's a HUGE problem...how can he ever be true to another person when he's not being true to himself?

Any heterosexual man would get defensive if someone asked him if he was gay.Many painfully shy heterosexual men don't date at all but are completely heterosexual .I am not sure how you define ''effeminate'',I don't think mannerisms can give an accurate picture of sexuality .Michael Jackson had many effeminate mannerisms at least by how I define it [extremely softspoken,very sensitive]but he was completely straight..The topic is kind of irrelevant anyway ''closet gay'' most people don't care ..I mean they may speculate if someone's sexuality is not obvious but it's not going to affect how they treat the individual.To the OP ,your friend said he was straight ,questioning that says more about you than it does about him .Leave him alone.

[bostonbruins44]

In general, you should respect the person's wishes to be known as whatever orientation s/he declares. Gay people are under no obligation whatsoever to make themselves available in anyway.

That being said, in my experience, there are two big signs that a guy might be gay.

1) He mentions loudly and emphatically when seeing a media blond that SHES REALLY HOT. HER BREASTS APPEAL TO ME. I can't explain it properly, because jerks say the same things openly. But the since un-closeted gay men in my life all had this super defensive and over-the-top over-voiced love of the female form.
2) He has a million excuses why the super cute and really friendly girl who is hitting on him can't be his girlfriend. "I don't believe in sex before marriage" is a great one. So is "She's too forward, it ruins the appeal!" or "She's too tall and thin. And her hair is too shiny." Or, he dates serially and breaks up the gig because of incompatibility.

I've never come across that,mentioning a girl is hot .No.2 could be the reaction of a very shy man ..Shy men often dismiss when it may be obvious to everyone else that a girl is flirting with him ..They don't have enough self confidence to actually believe that the girl is interested in him .Most gay people I know do not shout out to the world that they are gay but they certainly don't deny it like the friend of the OP .

[Raindog84]

I agree about the mannerisms. Many of my more effeminate friends in fact get more girls than anybody! And much of that is due to how sure they are of their sexuality. It often comes down to confidence. And yes, many guys who make it a point to say such and such media figure has a killer set of "bosoms" are overcompensating. That being said, you're not in the wrong for trying to get to the bottom of it if you're genuinely trying to help him be happy with himself. He's your friend and you care about him!