Jump to content

How long did it take ex to realize their loss and return?


discoverme

Recommended Posts

I think it really depends on the break up, the quality of the relationship and whether or not the ex jumped into a new relationship. It also depends on how fast you go into NC mode I believe. I remember reading some stories that it took from 2 days to 8 months. I think the faster you go into NC the shorter the process is. However the main thing is to not wait. Do not wait for them to come back and beg. If you wait around you are first going to drive yourself crazy and second set your value very very low. You are better then that. Show them that you don't need them and move on and then they will see the mistake they made by breaking up with you.

Link to comment

Maybe they didn't make a mistake. I have left relationships and never looked back. I believe now that my recent ex made the best decision for herself at this stage in her life. I accept that. Maybe we will be together years down the road but I doubt it. I don't think we can assume that they made a mistake just because it was right for us but not for them.

Link to comment

I can guarantee you that NO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP involves begging. If someone comes back because they were begged into it, they are retuning out of pity. Do you want someone to pity you? Indeed, there are breakups that are neither nasty nor cordial, but somewhere in between. In my case, I was shocked, and it was fairly quiet, but the tension was definitely in the air.

 

Show them that you don't need them and move on and then they will see the mistake they made by breaking up with you.

 

If you don't run in the same circles, how are they going to see that you don't need them? And, from many a dumpers viewpoint, maybe no matter what it wasn't a mistake for them to leave.

Link to comment

1) " FIRST LOVE " ( 1-2 year relationship...I forget now...it was in my teenage years! )

- Horrible messy break up

- Came back after 2 years.

 

2) " LOSER EX " ( 1 year relationship )

- Horrible messy, scary, police-involved break up

- Came back ( as in " stalking me " ) after a few hours of my dumping him

- He has been stalking me for 7 - 8 years now to the point that whenever I start an online account, I make sure that I enter his e-mail addies to block him...in any case he finds me.

 

3) " PASSIONATE EX " ( 1 - 3 years " on and off " )

- Clean cut, quiet ( yet I was in turmoil inside ) type of break up. He dumped me. I accepted it even though in my heart, I was grieving hard.

- He came back to me after 1 year or so. He comes back every year..trying to reconnect but I always say " no ".

 

4) " BORING BUT NICE EX " ( 3 year relationship )

- Sad, messy, uncomfortable break up ( I cheated on him and he found out ).

- He never came back. I never wanted him back.

 

5) " CURRENT EX - THE LOVE OF MY LIFE - THE ONE WHO I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO MARRY " ( 4 year relationship )

- He is in the midst of dumping me...as in he has been thinking about it, but hasn't officially said it. I consider it done bc he has thought about it already.

- Coming back ? I don't know. We're not at that stage yet.

 

* In all between these boyfriends...I had a few casual dates and 3-month long " dating "....all of them came back after I dumped each one of them. Some would come back throughout the years or every now and then...but of course, I always said " no " and tried to keep them as friends.

Link to comment
Maybe they didn't make a mistake. I have left relationships and never looked back. I believe now that my recent ex made the best decision for herself at this stage in her life. I accept that.

This is a great attitude, and I've always felt the same way. I didn't want my ex to leave at the time, but who would I be to say she was making a "mistake"? She's a smart lady; nobody knows what's best for her better than she does.

 

I've always thought that anyone who can't get past the self-absorbed idea that their ex "made a mistake" has zero chance of a successful reconciliation. It's not you being "right" and him or her being "wrong." That's a non-starter.

Link to comment

Interesting u remember all that... here's mine.

 

1) First love (3 years)

-cheated on me, i forgave him, then he cheated again, i forgave him, but could never get past the cheating, then we had a nasty break up where i ripped his shirt at a club after finding out he cheated again! (yes i was young and naive)....then i cut him out and was done, he tried to get me back, but i wasn't interested. he has been trying for 6 years now, tries to contact me every once in awhile saying "i have thinking about things a lot and want to talk" in which i don't respond to cuz now he's just being pathetic. I'm grossed out I was so in love with him.

 

2) Met thru mutual friend, clean cut guy who was nice on paper. (2 years)

- was very selfish and i fought with him a lot because of this...we broke up once, but we remained in contact and got back a month later for another go. we broke up a year later after i started gettin disgusted by him, didn't want him to touch me or hold me, it was weird cuz i've never experienced that. Never wanted him back after the break up, it was mutual and we remain friends.

 

3) Best friend turn boyfriend (1 year)

- my hardest break up by far since we were friends for 4 years, then dated. He broke up with me, we were cordial and nice, but whenever we talked, we'd fight, the same reason he broke it off. The fights led to name calling, and sayin awful things, and now we are in no contact. Broken up for 6 weeks, no contact for 2 weeks after he texted apologizing for being mean and i sent no response.... we shall see....

Link to comment

This is such a true statement. It reminds me of an old song "We Just Disagree" by Dave Mason - "there ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy; there's only you and me and we just disagree."

 

 

People leave relationships for valid reasons as much as they leave because of GIGS or because someone cheated or just wants to meet other people. Sometimes it's as simple as the couple just being incompatible, or maybe there are traits or characteristics that are simply deal-breakers for the other person. Relationships are not simply black and white.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

First Love (7 yrs and 10 months)

- He broke up with me. He told me at first that he needs time, space. He is not happy anymore. He does not want me to feel greater pain. I asked him the real reason behind it, He told me that he is not sure if he could love me the way I love him. He wants to find himself. I let him go, since I understand that he nids to breath, He nid to experience how to be free. Since we were together since were 17. After a month, I heard that he like a girl he met in his office during our relationship. I was hurt and feel cheated. I asked him, because I does not believe anyone but him, he told me that he did not cheated on me that why he broke with me, he feel that he could love the girl and he does not want to hurt me. He still value me but he does not love me. He was confused with his love for me. And He want to make sure that he really love me by letting him go and doing things that he want without hurting me. I want him back bcoz he is the perfect man for me? I'm not mad at him bcoz he was so honest. And I am willing to wait. But I'm afraid he will not come back. I felt that he loved me but I'm wondering why does that love fades. We does not fight. We had a smooth relationship together. I've been supportive. Why does love fades?

Link to comment
  • 7 years later...

Just because he didn't cheat it sounds like this other person was attractive enough to divert him away and he was probably thinking about the possibility of leaving and planning how to do it for a while. If he chose to leave he would have made his mind up after weighing his options. Yes it's good he wasn't cheating but he wanted someone else anyway. Don't love him because you feel he was honest and deserves your caring. He has let you down and left you living with the sadness of feeling abandoned for someone he thought was better. He doesn't deserve your love. Focus on those who truly do love you and begin healing.

Link to comment
Just because he didn't cheat it sounds like this other person was attractive enough to divert him away and he was probably thinking about the possibility of leaving and planning how to do it for a while. If he chose to leave he would have made his mind up after weighing his options. Yes it's good he wasn't cheating but he wanted someone else anyway. Don't love him because you feel he was honest and deserves your caring. He has let you down and left you living with the sadness of feeling abandoned for someone he thought was better. He doesn't deserve your love. Focus on those who truly do love you and begin healing.

 

This is an 8 year old thread.

Link to comment

The advice is still valid for people in similar situations. I'm in a kind of similar situation right now. First love, together 2 years. We didn't fight and we cared about eachother and were attracted to eachother but he started to distance himself the last couple of months before the break up. I only found out recently that part of the problem was that since it was first love he had nothing to compare it to and started to freak out. He noticed himself checking other women out and felt awful. Because although we are each others first loves he had relationships before hand and in high school he had been cheated on. He felt awful and he hadn't even loved the girl. He didn't want to do that to me and feared that if we continued down that path he would eventually cheat. I'm not excusing his actions but It's really odd what honesty can do. Because he told me I was already ready to not only forgive but comfort him and say it was probably normal (even though I don't actually know if it is). I think sometimes stuff like this happens with first love but I also think it is not our job to convince someone to love us. Believe me, I've tried and It's exhausting. If you or anyone else ends up in a similar situation I have been hoarding happy ending stories. Where people do end up back together and stronger for it because they have confirmed their feelings but I also think It's important to not focus solely on the happy ending like that. Because there are also lots of happy endings where people realise there is someone better for them or they realise they are happier alone. Good luck to everyone who is struggling out there :) and wish me luck to. I just want everyone to find happiness

Link to comment

Two months after the girl he cheating on me with found out he lied about our relationship. She kicked him to the curb and that very evening he was reaching out for me and has been trying to get back together with me ever since, and that was 7 months ago. We didn't argue or anything. He has a very calm demeanor and we get along real well.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...