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Thread: How long did it take ex to realize their loss and return?

  1. #1
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    How long did it take ex to realize their loss and return?

    Not sure if there's a post out there already, but how long did it take your ex to realize their loss and beg for you back?

    Don't need a long story, just time (days, weeks, months, years)?

    Also, was it a nasty yelling break up or a cordial calm break up?




     


  2. #2
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    I think it really depends on the break up, the quality of the relationship and whether or not the ex jumped into a new relationship. It also depends on how fast you go into NC mode I believe. I remember reading some stories that it took from 2 days to 8 months. I think the faster you go into NC the shorter the process is. However the main thing is to not wait. Do not wait for them to come back and beg. If you wait around you are first going to drive yourself crazy and second set your value very very low. You are better then that. Show them that you don't need them and move on and then they will see the mistake they made by breaking up with you.

  3. #3
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    Maybe they didn't make a mistake. I have left relationships and never looked back. I believe now that my recent ex made the best decision for herself at this stage in her life. I accept that. Maybe we will be together years down the road but I doubt it. I don't think we can assume that they made a mistake just because it was right for us but not for them.

  4. #4
    Gold Member bungalo's Avatar
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    Not sure if there's a post out there already, but how long did it take your ex to realize their loss and beg for you back?

    Don't need a long story, just time (days, weeks, months, years)?

    Also, was it a nasty yelling break up or a cordial calm break up?

    I can guarantee you that NO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP involves begging. If someone comes back because they were begged into it, they are retuning out of pity. Do you want someone to pity you? Indeed, there are breakups that are neither nasty nor cordial, but somewhere in between. In my case, I was shocked, and it was fairly quiet, but the tension was definitely in the air.

    Show them that you don't need them and move on and then they will see the mistake they made by breaking up with you.

    If you don't run in the same circles, how are they going to see that you don't need them? And, from many a dumpers viewpoint, maybe no matter what it wasn't a mistake for them to leave.

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  6. #5
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    1) " FIRST LOVE " ( 1-2 year relationship...I forget now...it was in my teenage years! )
    - Horrible messy break up
    - Came back after 2 years.

    2) " LOSER EX " ( 1 year relationship )
    - Horrible messy, scary, police-involved break up
    - Came back ( as in " stalking me " ) after a few hours of my dumping him
    - He has been stalking me for 7 - 8 years now to the point that whenever I start an online account, I make sure that I enter his e-mail addies to block him...in any case he finds me.

    3) " PASSIONATE EX " ( 1 - 3 years " on and off " )
    - Clean cut, quiet ( yet I was in turmoil inside ) type of break up. He dumped me. I accepted it even though in my heart, I was grieving hard.
    - He came back to me after 1 year or so. He comes back every year..trying to reconnect but I always say " no ".

    4) " BORING BUT NICE EX " ( 3 year relationship )
    - Sad, messy, uncomfortable break up ( I cheated on him and he found out ).
    - He never came back. I never wanted him back.

    5) " CURRENT EX - THE LOVE OF MY LIFE - THE ONE WHO I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO MARRY " ( 4 year relationship )
    - He is in the midst of dumping me...as in he has been thinking about it, but hasn't officially said it. I consider it done bc he has thought about it already.
    - Coming back ? I don't know. We're not at that stage yet.

    * In all between these boyfriends...I had a few casual dates and 3-month long " dating "....all of them came back after I dumped each one of them. Some would come back throughout the years or every now and then...but of course, I always said " no " and tried to keep them as friends.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Brownstone322's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by perio View Post
    Maybe they didn't make a mistake. I have left relationships and never looked back. I believe now that my recent ex made the best decision for herself at this stage in her life. I accept that.
    This is a great attitude, and I've always felt the same way. I didn't want my ex to leave at the time, but who would I be to say she was making a "mistake"? She's a smart lady; nobody knows what's best for her better than she does.

    I've always thought that anyone who can't get past the self-absorbed idea that their ex "made a mistake" has zero chance of a successful reconciliation. It's not you being "right" and him or her being "wrong." That's a non-starter.
    So here I go,
    I'm still scratching around the the same old hole.
    My body feels young,
    But my mind is very old.

  8. #7
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    Interesting u remember all that... here's mine.

    1) First love (3 years)
    -cheated on me, i forgave him, then he cheated again, i forgave him, but could never get past the cheating, then we had a nasty break up where i ripped his shirt at a club after finding out he cheated again! (yes i was young and naive)....then i cut him out and was done, he tried to get me back, but i wasn't interested. he has been trying for 6 years now, tries to contact me every once in awhile saying "i have thinking about things a lot and want to talk" in which i don't respond to cuz now he's just being pathetic. I'm grossed out I was so in love with him.

    2) Met thru mutual friend, clean cut guy who was nice on paper. (2 years)
    - was very selfish and i fought with him a lot because of this...we broke up once, but we remained in contact and got back a month later for another go. we broke up a year later after i started gettin disgusted by him, didn't want him to touch me or hold me, it was weird cuz i've never experienced that. Never wanted him back after the break up, it was mutual and we remain friends.

    3) Best friend turn boyfriend (1 year)
    - my hardest break up by far since we were friends for 4 years, then dated. He broke up with me, we were cordial and nice, but whenever we talked, we'd fight, the same reason he broke it off. The fights led to name calling, and sayin awful things, and now we are in no contact. Broken up for 6 weeks, no contact for 2 weeks after he texted apologizing for being mean and i sent no response.... we shall see....

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brownstone322 View Post
    This is a great attitude, and I've always felt the same way. I didn't want my ex to leave at the time, but who would I be to say she was making a "mistake"? She's a smart lady; nobody knows what's best for her better than she does.

    I've always thought that anyone who can't get past the self-absorbed idea that their ex "made a mistake" has zero chance of a successful reconciliation. It's not you being "right" and him or her being "wrong." That's a non-starter.
    This is such a true statement. It reminds me of an old song "We Just Disagree" by Dave Mason - "there ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy; there's only you and me and we just disagree."


    People leave relationships for valid reasons as much as they leave because of GIGS or because someone cheated or just wants to meet other people. Sometimes it's as simple as the couple just being incompatible, or maybe there are traits or characteristics that are simply deal-breakers for the other person. Relationships are not simply black and white.

  10. #9
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    First Love (7 yrs and 10 months)
    - He broke up with me. He told me at first that he needs time, space. He is not happy anymore. He does not want me to feel greater pain. I asked him the real reason behind it, He told me that he is not sure if he could love me the way I love him. He wants to find himself. I let him go, since I understand that he nids to breath, He nid to experience how to be free. Since we were together since were 17. After a month, I heard that he like a girl he met in his office during our relationship. I was hurt and feel cheated. I asked him, because I does not believe anyone but him, he told me that he did not cheated on me that why he broke with me, he feel that he could love the girl and he does not want to hurt me. He still value me but he does not love me. He was confused with his love for me. And He want to make sure that he really love me by letting him go and doing things that he want without hurting me. I want him back bcoz he is the perfect man for me? I'm not mad at him bcoz he was so honest. And I am willing to wait. But I'm afraid he will not come back. I felt that he loved me but I'm wondering why does that love fades. We does not fight. We had a smooth relationship together. I've been supportive. Why does love fades?

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