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Thread: I'm a female, and I want to know why do I attract gay/bisexual men?

  1. #1
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    I'm a female, and I want to know why do I attract gay/bisexual men?

    I've come to the point where I think all men have some sort of gay tendency, because most of the guys I've dated were leaning towards gay or had tendencies.

    1. my prom date is gay. That was an obvious, though. He never came out, but we all knew. lol

    2. I was sexual and fell in love with a guy who showed some gay tendencies. He was definitely attracted to women, because I'd catch sneaking a peek at gorgeous women when I was out with him. But, we were watching VH1 one time, and he said that the host, who was obviously gay, was very attractive! And I was sitting on the couch one time, and he walked up behind me and whispered " i love chocolate men!" I was confused, because he laughed after that. Anyway, 2 years later, he said he wanted to get married, and out of all the women he dated, I kept popping into his mind. I turned him down, because he led me on so many times, and I had things going on too. It's just weird that he'd call me.

    3. I've dated another guy who joked around with me. We talked about a friend who came out, and he said "what would you do if I told you I was bi?" I said, "you're not!" because he never gave out any signals. He was pretty masculine and loved flirting with women. Then he said "I'm bi!" I said "no way" and he said "I'm serious!" then we kept going back and forth, then he said, "i'm just joking." But when he watch TV, he liked pointing out who was gay and who wasn't. Right now, he is in a serious relationship with a female and they're expecting a kid. I'm still a little unsure if he was joking or not.

    4. My recent ex, I'm so sure is at least Bi. He loves women, and our sex is amazing! He is a big flirt, and we broke up, because he was hitting on another woman when he was with him. Anyway, I've caught him staring down a guy a few times, and he used to be a dancer at a gay bar. He said he was one of the few straight dancers, but he swears he's straight. He loves pointing out gay men on television and likes going to gay bars with his friends. A lot of his friends are married to women. Regardless of what he says, I think he's at least bi.

    I just noticed a trend, and I just wanted to understand why it happens. I've dated a lot of bi/gay men. I have no luck dating other men who are probably more straight. I believe I'm an attractive female, and I've dated other men who were had gay less tendencies. I just wanted to know why do gay men hit on me or try to start a relationship with me or what type of women do they go for?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    The only one who has come out as being gay is your prom date. I think you are overly sensitive and look out for "gay tendancies". So, while these guys are just regular guys you are suspicious and never drop that suspicion.

    I think they are just secure in their masculinity to be honest....

    A lot of my guy friends will make jokes about them being gay. I've had a few friends pretend to make out with each other just for the laughs. Or, they'll make comments about "going gay" for their guy friends. This isn't an isolated group either, I've experienced this in every pocket of friends that I've had.
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    hmmm... okay. I just wasn't sure. That's why I had to ask.

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    ummm... another one of the guys I dated just sent me a message on facebook, asking how I'm doing. He came out. :/

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    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allsunny View Post
    3. I've dated another guy who joked around with me. We talked about a friend who came out, and he said "what would you do if I told you I was bi?" I said, "you're not!" because he never gave out any signals. He was pretty masculine and loved flirting with women. Then he said "I'm bi!" I said "no way" and he said "I'm serious!" then we kept going back and forth, then he said, "i'm just joking."
    As a general piece of advice, if someone comes out to you as gay or bi I would strongly advise not saying "No you're not!" or "You're joking!" It puts a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress on the person and often pushes them to retract their words, which is what happened in this case. Your default position should be to accept them.

    As far as why you attract men who may have bisexual tendencies, it's hard to say. We're living in an age where more and more people are being open with their sexuality. We're seeing it with gays and lesbians, and I think we'll really start seeing it with bisexuals over the next decade. Of course, there's also the possibility that you're seeing tendencies which aren't really there. Ultimately, as long as your partners are faithful to you I don't see why it's relevant that they straight or bisexual.

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    Silver Member ceez's Avatar
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    I've seen this with a lot of my guy friends too, I think its like Cognitive_Canine put it they're secure in there masculinity. I always wondered about supposedly straight guys going to gay bars, its like you might believe it because the girlfriends/wives don't have to worry about too many women hitting on them and they get to drink and dance but at the same time there aren't many straight women there and its a lot of guys who will hit on them and they would have to be extremely secure in they're masculinity. idk


    It does get a little annoying though when some one comes out to you and keep saying "no your not", when I came out to my sister she texted "Seriously?" to me about four or five times, I started to text her back "never mind" and pretend it didn't happen.
    Last edited by ceez; 11-15-2010 at 06:22 PM.
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    I don't know what it is about you that apparently attracts Gay and Bisexual men, since you didn't say much about yourself. If it were that you were going after men who then turned out to be Gay, then I might suggest that you have Liza Minelli syndrome (if I have my celebrity trivia right, she had a Gay father), and that whole Freudian thing of how people go after people who remind them of their parents caused her to fall for Gay men. Tragic.

    But you say it's them who are attracted to you. They pursue you, not the other way around... are you masculine in any way? Perhaps you defy gender norms in some way that Gay and Bisexual men find refreshing.

    I don't know, but something I have noticed in life, is that there seem to be people out there (men and women) who repeatedly end up in relationships with people of the opposite sex, who turn out to be Gay, or who are bisexual. A guy friend of mine was like that, all his ex girlfriends turned out to be Lesbians, and he was just the guy they used as their last venture in heterosexuality. It's just a curse you have I guess (fine if they're Bi, but not so good if they're Gay)
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    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear View Post
    As a general piece of advice, if someone comes out to you as gay or bi I would strongly advise not saying "No you're not!" or "You're joking!" It puts a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress on the person and often pushes them to retract their words, which is what happened in this case. Your default position should be to accept them.
    I greatly agree with you.

    However, there are always those men who are kidding and then get hurt and angered that you actually believed them. "How could you possibly think I'm gay?!". I've had guys do that to me before and it's rather annoying.

    You should always be accepting though. Because it's worse to put pressure on someone who is trying to bear their soul to you and come out than it is to offend some insecure guy who has problems with his own masculinity and is 'joking' about being gay. Serves them right for trying to trick anyhow.
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    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cognitive_Canine View Post
    However, there are always those men who are kidding and then get hurt and angered that you actually believed them. "How could you possibly think I'm gay?!". I've had guys do that to me before and it's rather annoying.
    In that case I would reply with "There's nothing wrong with being gay, and being gay is a character trait that anyone can have. Masculine gays, feminine guys, etc--all have the capacity to be gay. I've learned from experience to always take someone's word for it considering how difficult it is for some people to talk about".

    Ultimately if someone gets hurt or angered that you believe them, they have some major homophobia they need to overcome.

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    Silver Member ATLstudent's Avatar
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    Did ur father abandon u. or abuse u growing up............it seems like u go for a-holes or unavailable men

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