I can't believe my own father won't do nothing if a man slaps/hits me

Yesterday I had a conversation with my father about causes and effects. You'll all wondering why is this post on this sector.

Anyways according to him, we should always analyze the causes to something. He gave me an example and this is the part that really shocks me.

In the hypothetical situation, I came running to my father because a potential boyfriend/husband slaps me. What my father would do is still ask what happened and I were to tell him we had a heated argument which I used foul language and talked garbage about his mother... to which in turns he slaps the hell out of me.

My father would then be telling me ''If you haven't talk like that to him or throw a fit, he wouldn't be slapping you''.

My response was something like this ''It doesn't matter what I say or call him, he would have no rights to raise his hand on me, he should walk away like a real man or dump me if I'm giving him too much hassle, the only time it's acceptable to hit is in self-defense to get the person off you or when your life is threatened''. I continue on saying ''Well he can't control my mouth, he's not the owner of it''.

Wow so my own father won't go totally against that man in this case. I feel sooooo offended. I'm I right to think this way? I believe no real man would hit just because the woman yells or says hurls insults. He father thinks I'm too old fashioned but I think not. I just would NEVER tolerate this. The first time is a ''Get the hell out of my life, punk''.

I'm starting to wondering if he would actually just ask questions if this happens. From my understanding any father would instinctly want to beat the man who hits his daughter. Or is he just saying his but he would react violently towards the man if he saw this or heard about it?

I guess your dads saying theres two sides to every story. But your right. Theres no excuse for physical violence. But its not your fathers place to get involved if it ever did happen. Violence met with violence wouldnt help anything.

I guess your dads saying theres two sides to every story. But your right. Theres no excuse for physical violence. But its not your fathers place to get involved if it ever did happen. Violence met with violence wouldnt help anything.

Why should I get hit for running my mouth? If that's the way certain ''men'' (don't think they deserved to be called that) think then, my guess is they wouldn't do that to another man their size or bigger/stronger than them.... a coward in my eyes.

Im saying there are two sides to the story. Not that anyone was wrong or right. Obviously hitting someone is compeltely wrong whether it be a man hitting a woman or a woman hitting a man. Physical violence is not ok.

I've been hurt for 'running' my mouth before. By an ex. But as much as my dad hated it, being violent back never would have helped.

I can kind of see your dad's point. If you think the appropriate thing for a man to do would be to walk away or dump you for running your mouth rather than resort to physical violence, it'd be the appropriate thing to do to walk away or dump him rather than verbally antagonize him. It's not okay to resort to that level of immaturity (on either side) in an argument and expect to get away with it.

HOWEVER:

In NO WAY do I advocate physical violence whether it be on the part of the man or the woman, and in that regard find your father to be out of line. I can understand your frustration with him for not defending you in this situation, but everyone is different and apparently your dad is a "learn your lesson" kind of person.

I've been hurt for 'running' my mouth before.

It was a few years ago when I was younger and more vulnerable. Although he never 'hit me' there are lots of other ways to physically hurt or bruise someone which they then justify saying 'but i didnt actually hit you' awful.

I didnt repot him no. I should of!

I can understand your frustration with him for not defending you in this situation, but everyone is different and apparently your dad is a "learn your lesson" kind of person.

Yes this is the one topic we think completely different (this really is a sensitive topic to me). While in my idea there is no excuse for a man to ever hit a woman unless it's in self-defense and he's fighting for his life or that of someone else, he thinks the man is not to blame if us women push his buttons (still, that's like him telling me I would have deserved it which I disagree).

Neither the man or the woman deserves to be hit for the disagreement. It's a non-affective way of resolving a dispute. If a woman expects a man to act as a mature man, a man expects a woman to act as a mature woman.

Neither the man or the woman deserves to be hit for the disagreement. It's a non-affective way of resolving a dispute. If a woman expects a man to act as a mature man, a man expects a woman to act as a mature woman.

If that was true (which is not, many simply won't resort to hitting in an argument) then being single for life would be the only option I guess. That statement sounds somewhat degrading because it can be misinterpreted as ''A man is a beast by nature then, that can't control himself'' which is not true.

Do you think the BF's mother should beat you up if you ever slapped him?

I don't think anybody should ever get hit, man or woman. Do I think women get special consideration in this equation over men? no, women aren't better than men, just some people (either sex) or lesser than others.

How about nobody pushes anybodys buttons deliberately until they blow, and nobody hit their partner, unless they're kinky like that.

IMO The women who verbally abuse their men are equal to physically abusive men as far as being a piece of crap is concerned.

Do you think the BF's mother should beat you up if you ever slapped him?

If this was the case in which I slapped a BF then I deserved to get dumped too. It would mean I don't respect him and therefore don't deserve him.

Nobody's saying it's okay for a man to hit you, but expecting your father to be a vigilante instead of contacting the police is just trying to assign him a role he's not willing to accept. And for good reason.

If your husband hits you, escape and go to a woman's shelter or contact the police. If you want a safe place to stay, your Dad would likely provide that for you. Expecting him to risk injury or death or time in jail because his daughter 'says so' is pretty ridiculous.

I'm with your father on this one. It doesn't matter what a boyfriend/husband does to you, it would not give your father any right whatsoever to hurt him. He may want to, understandable, but he shouldn't.

Violence is NEVER an excuse for more violence. Whether it's man on man, woman on man, or man on woman, violence is never okay and your father is absolutely right. You can't expect your father to go beat up some guy because he hit you, it's wrong in both situations. It's not self defense, it's revenge.

You can't expect your father to go beat up some guy because he hit you, it's wrong in both situations. It's not self defense, it's revenge.

Yeah I guess that took me by surprise. My mother on the other hand said if a woman cheated on my brother,treated him like dirt or hit him (when he grows up), she would drag the woman by the hair and beat her or have a verbal altercation with her.

Which would also be wrong.

Yeah I guess that took me by surprise. My mother on the other hand said if a woman cheated on my brother,treated him like dirt or hit him (when he grows up), she would drag the woman by the hair and beat her or have a verbal altercation with her.

I think most people can relate to feeling protective, but this essentially says, "It's not okay for anyone else to mistreat someone, but I'M allowed to assault someone." Makes no sense. Assault is assault--accross the board.

As someone who lived through emotional abuse for years, I think it is just as bad as physical abuse. So I can see where your father is coming from. Either way, neither behavior is acceptable.

A few things I would like to say:

1. You choose to be with the person who hit you. It wasn't your father who asked you to date/be with him. Your father should bear no responsibility. You are in an adult relationship the moment you step into the real world. Parents, in my opinion, should only protect their kids.. not adults who are in the real world. That being said, you are allowed to ask your father for help, which he should provide you. This help in no way refers to him hitting someone.

2. You should not provoke anyone by insulting their parents. Its unacceptable behavior and very disrespectful. When your father said not to provoke a lion, what he meant was him turning into a lion due to you provoking him. Humans are animals, believe it or not. They have emotions and are not always logical. You expect your dad to hit your bf (which is an emotional act. logically, he shouldn't be hitting anyone). Basically, you expect an emotional act from your dad, but a logical act from your bf.

Anyway, i agree with your dad. Don't do the crime if you cant do the time.

2. You should not provoke anyone by insulting their parents. Its unacceptable behavior and very disrespectful. When your father said not to provoke a lion, what he meant was him turning into a lion due to you provoking him. Humans are animals, believe it or not. They have emotions and are not always logical. You expect your dad to hit your bf (which is an emotional act. logically, he shouldn't be hitting anyone). Basically, you expect an emotional act from your dad, but a logical act from your bf.

 

Anyway, i agree with your dad. Don't do the crime if you cant do the time.