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Thread: First time sex with new partner

  1. #1
    Gold Member annalisa84's Avatar
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    First time sex with new partner

    Hi Everyone!

    So tomorrow I believe I will have sex with a new partner
    I have two questions:

    I cannot orgasm so easily and usually it takes time with a partner to get it right. I still love having sex. So if I wont cum tomorrow, what am I suppose to say? I would imagine he will ask.. so what do you do then?
    I mean I cant be the only one who has troubles orgasming first times, how do you approach it?

    I love giving bj. But I woudl imagine it is not that safe to give it to the new partner during the first time. Do you usually do that? With a condom then? What do guys think?

    Wish me luck, I need some good
    I'm 25 btw and just out from a 4 yr relationship.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    You say no, but that you enjoyed it.
    "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner." ~Max Lucado

  3. #3
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    1) For the orgasm issue, I agree. Just say that no, you didn't but that you enjoyed it. You can casually follow it up with an explanation that it's not a big deal and that you didn't even expect to have one with him just yet because he's a new partner. That it will just take time. He will likely want to know what it is that you like, etc. It's a great conversation to have.

    2) Unless you have open sores in your mouth or he has open sores... I don't see how giving a bj is more risky than having sex. Most STDs need to either enter through the genitals or the blood. The skin-based ones (ie: herpes) won't be prevented with a condom anyways. Others can correct me... but I don't think a condom is required. If you want to go the condom route, get a flavoured one... because... ick. They taste TERRIBLE. A think a better question is... if you plan on asking him to be tested... why aren't you asking him to be tested BEFORE you have sex/oral? Isn't this the safest route of all? (Beyond abstinence, of course)

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    Make sure to tell him you don't orgasm easily (perhaps beforehand?) lest he thinks it's his fault and becomes insecure.

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    First time, let him find out how easily you orgasm - you might surprise yourself if he's gifted or your mind is in the right place. Telling him up front, that might take the naturalness out of it - you'll have plenty of time to address this later if you stick with him.

    Oral...silly girl, that's the quickest way to hook a man...naughty!

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    Well...have you done anything with him (made out? kissed? gotten hot and heavy?) Most people don't say "i am scheduled to have sex tomorrow." The decision to have sex usually comes after a little fooling around, and then deciding that you are both okay going all the way and then letting it happen when the moment is right. You shouldn't worry about having an orgasm if you have a trusting relationship. Take the pressure off.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member PaintWithLight's Avatar
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    Wow. Wait. This is more than just first time jitters. If you are going to be in an exclusive relationship, then you should both be tested and share results. Also, haven't you experimented with each other a little during the time leading up to tomorrow? He should know a little about your body by now and you have planted information during the make out sessions: I really love THIS because intercourse can take awhile for me to climax.

    Or is this just a hookup and you are trying to minimize your risk and chances at a horrible time? I am a little bit surprised that you are already going into this thinking you will not orgasm and he might have an STD. It is good to be safe but this sounds a random hookup that someone has schedule to happen, ready or not. Think about it and wait if you need to.

  8. #8
    Gold Member annalisa84's Avatar
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    Oh we have fooled around, it was so hot and steamy.
    And tomorrow I'm supposed to go first time.. overnight. So I guess it's gonna lead to that
    I have no problem with that.

    I've been single some months now and ready to have some.. pleasure

    He is a nice guy but we have not had the "have you been tested" talk. I mean I would have sex with a condom for sure.
    I was such not sure how to address the not orgasming part as I dont really want him to think it is anyhow his fault.

    And the bj question.. well, i have never been thinking about it nor done it with such a new partner. But he is sooo good when we make out, so it might lead to something wild in the bedroom But bj with a condom is not my first pick.

    Thanks everyine for such a useful advise!

  9. #9
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    Just know that even with condoms, you risk getting herpes or HPV. However, HPV can't be tested in men anyway.
    "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner." ~Max Lucado

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    Definitely tell him ahead of time that you don't cum easily. My last girlfriend told me before we ever became intimate that she had much difficulty getting and staying wet and that she rarely came during sex (she would need to do it herself afterward).
    Knowing that beforehand made me enjoy sex so much more because we found that it was just that she was incompatible with her previous partners. She got wetter than any other girl I'd ever been with, and would cum so much more easily and frequently, as well. It's a big ego boost for the guy.
    No guarantee the same will happen for you, but I'd recommend you tell him just in case.

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