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Do ALL dumpers come back during NC?


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Question for the dumpers really or a dumpee who has experienced this.

Do dumpers come back during NC? I mean do they start initiating contact with you again (regardless of whether they want to get back together or not)

How long does it generally take for them to come back?

And has anyone who's been in a long-term relationship never heard from the dumper again?

 

Im failing miserably at NC. Broke up 9 days ago and ive managed 2 days of NC so far. Im hoping he'll miss me and come back to me if i stay at NC. One of the reasons for the break up was that he needed space so i can understand why he hasnt text me or called so far.

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The short answer to that is no. Also, never use the word, "never", "all" or "always" because there are always exceptions. Each case is unique.

Second, my experience has been - I've been married for 10 years, together with my ex for 12 years in total, and one day I caught him cheating and the week after I found out, he left by surprise.

 

He never contacted me except through his lawyer in a surprise divorce. I was never mean to him or anything abusive, so why he never contacted me again probably has to do with guilt.

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Yah, it will take some time.. they will pop up from time to time. When your in a long term relationship, and it ends.. it isn't super easy to come apart.

 

I remember when the X and i went our separate ways.. I was still calling her all the time trying to make things work.. eventually we chatted and she told me her life was so much better now than it was with me... I begin real NC after that. It took about 3 weeks, before she was looking at my facebook profile, and said I looked really good. It felt great to get that message from her.. I didn't respond.. I got the power back...

 

You will 2. He probably wants to text you, and call you.. but really, whats it going todo? Its not going to make it any better..

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I'm sorry if any of this hurts to hear, but I'm I'm going to be honest.

 

I've broken up with my g/f about two months ago. She contacted me a little bit a month ago....I've been VERY general in my responses. I DON'T reach out to her. She contacted me the other day, to see how I was doing. Again, I was very general, no reason to give her false hope.

 

 

I don't plan on coming back to her at all. Yea, sometimes when I look at her FB profile, I see a sweet, attractive, amazing girl, but I know it wouldn't have worked for us because after 2.5 years, I only really loved her as a friend, I was never really in-love with her. Perhaps, a long time down the road, we can become friends again, but for now there is really no point in me getting in touch with her. I don't want to mess with her head, and I don't want my head to get messed up as well.

 

 

Every situation is so different though. Your best bet, as you've probably been told, is to do whatever you can to get your mind off of him. Hang out with your friends and family as much as possible, take on a new hobby that really interests you....do ANYTHING to get your mind looking forward and not back. I can't imagine the hurt you're going through, but I've actually been looking at my ex's FB page. She's been keeping very busy with her friends, doing charity events and such, going to NYC, etc. If you make an effort to move on and give both of you space, when those flooding emotions have receded, you'll both better be able to assess your situation. I think if you do want him back, the best thing to do is to give him the space he needs. If he contacts you for anything except for "I want to get back together", don't acknowledge it. There is really no guarantee for him coming back, but it the only effective thing you can do. The no contact will benefit both of you, but you won't benefit unless you make an effort to move on.

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They dont ALL come back. The chance of any (including yours) is slim to none.

 

I have said it to other members but you cannot try to find your own happy ending in someone else's fairytale. Its really best for your healing if you just accept that he is gone. If he does come back, consider it a bonus and not the norm.

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Thanks NY guy! Can i ask? Did you only ever respond when she contacted you or did you ever call or text yourself to ask how she was? And if she'd never contacted you at all would that have made a difference to you?

 

Yes, I only responded when she texted me. I never really responded right away, sometimes I thought to ignore, but I figure I should at least be cordial.

 

As far as if she never contacted me again, and how I'd feel, I can't really comment on that. It has only really been around 2 months since it happened. Thing is, my mind was probably checked out before it happened, so it's just easier for me to move on. I truly wish her the best of everything in life...and if not contacting her at all indefinitely helps her achieve that, I will do that. A few days ago, I was moving rooms in my house and I had a box of stuff related to her. I was just organizing it to be stored, but when I went through it, I had a flood of emotions, but it was more just a sadness that it was over. There was really no longing to be with her, but it was more like...that was that.

 

I do miss certain things about her and what came with being with her, but I think anyone gets those feelings. That doesn't necessarily mean she was right for me or vice-versa. I think knowing that 100% will surely be confirmed in time.

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Are you not going to contact her so she can get her stuff back NY guy? I have stuff of mine at our house that he wouldnt really wanna keep. I dont know when he's planning on bringing it back or whether i need to go round and collect it. Ill only give it to charity anyway so it doesnt matter to me. But i know we'll have to see each other at some point to sort stuff out. x

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My ex never contacted me. Finally he looked for me at a festival after 1 year. And now he made his second contact, sent me an email 6 months later. I intiated my first contact to him after 5 months. He never reponded to any attempts I made for the whole year, until he showed up that day. I didn't respond to the current email.

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Are you not going to contact her so she can get her stuff back NY guy? I have stuff of mine at our house that he wouldnt really wanna keep. I dont know when he's planning on bringing it back or whether i need to go round and collect it. Ill only give it to charity anyway so it doesnt matter to me. But i know we'll have to see each other at some point to sort stuff out. x

 

I gave her stuff back, I dropped it off.

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Are you not going to contact her so she can get her stuff back NY guy? I have stuff of mine at our house that he wouldnt really wanna keep. I dont know when he's planning on bringing it back or whether i need to go round and collect it. Ill only give it to charity anyway so it doesnt matter to me. But i know we'll have to see each other at some point to sort stuff out. x

 

Rather then going to see him, why not ask him to send it to charity for you?

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There is no answer to this question because no one really knows. They may not come or they may come back but no one really knows. The best thing to do is just try to heal and move on. Work on yourself and keep the focus on you. (I'm trying really hard here not to think so much either if the ex is coming back) because it's not really healthy.

 

I figure that there will be two outcomes to the situation: either they do come back at some point in time and then you can assess how you feel and if you want try again or they don't come back because you end up meeting someone just as amazing (if not more) than the ex. It's a win-win situation and only good can come from this. So do whatever you need to help yourself- hit the gym, get a makeover, getting involved in charity, go out with friends and let yourself become this great person that everyone wants to be with.

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hi! do yourself a favor and be positive. If you really want him to contact you then he will,have faith. No m atter how hard the ex can be,no one is that forgettable,right NY guy? Read all those my ex contacted me after XXX years. I'm not trying to give false hopes. But being positive,and reading things about visiualization,Law of Attraction,Intention,anything that can give me a better frame of mind,actually helped me heal,and to get contact from him as well. However it didnt work out but i still know he'll be back. Meantime i'm making friends,enjoying myself,main thing is to not be hard on yourself and really reaad positive uplifting books,be around good people. Negative,even if its reality,doesnt have the last word. Anything is possible!

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hi! do yourself a favor and be positive. If you really want him to contact you then he will,have faith. No m atter how hard the ex can be,no one is that forgettable,right NY guy? Read all those my ex contacted me after XXX years. I'm not trying to give false hopes. But being positive,and reading things about visiualization,Law of Attraction,Intention,anything that can give me a better frame of mind,actually helped me heal,and to get contact from him as well. However it didnt work out but i still know he'll be back. Meantime i'm making friends,enjoying myself,main thing is to not be hard on yourself and really reaad positive uplifting books,be around good people. Negative,even if its reality,doesnt have the last word. Anything is possible!

 

Why hope for the best and not prepare for the worst? Sounds like false hope to me.

 

I never said my ex was 'forgettable', I do cherish the time we spent together, but for her sake and mine, I stopped contacting her completely. Obviously does not mean thoughts of her never cross my mind, because they do.

 

Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, there is no one right way. There is the quick way though.

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Question for the dumpers really or a dumpee who has experienced this.

Do dumpers come back during NC? I mean do they start initiating contact with you again (regardless of whether they want to get back together or not)

How long does it generally take for them to come back?

And has anyone who's been in a long-term relationship never heard from the dumper again?

 

Im failing miserably at NC. Broke up 9 days ago and ive managed 2 days of NC so far. Im hoping he'll miss me and come back to me if i stay at NC. One of the reasons for the break up was that he needed space so i can understand why he hasnt text me or called so far.

 

In my experience, I would say yes. Not all in a good way though. Some call just to "check up" on you, make sure you didn't abuse the pills or jump from a bridge. For others, an ego boost.

 

I think somewhere in the BROKEN HEARTED MANUAL is something about keeping a point of contact open for the departed. I threw away my copy so I don't know, I suppose it stands to reason if they impulsively decide to call you a working number may be good to have. I changed mine about six mos after the break, six mos in my mind was enough time for her to come back. Okay.. six mos was "workable" for me after that I got selfish and started sewing up the big hole in my chest.

 

Some come back in a big way, tears, knee walking and big promises. Some are timid, walking on eggshells and over analyzing everything.

I think you would know him and know what is genuine more than the rest of us.

 

Depends on your particular creature and what you want. As time goes by its not gonna matter anymore, you'll just be done. I won't say someone else will come along, you will come along and rescue you. I feel bad for him because once that happens he has no chance.

 

Eat well, sleep well and get some endorphins going. Be as elaborate as a gym membership to jumping rope or climbing stairs.

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Lose the hope. If you heal towards reconciliation, you're not really healing.

 

I don't think I want my ex back anymore... it's tempting because I'm lonely and she's familiar and I suffer from anxiety about meeting someone new and stuff but.... I don't want someone who could replace me like that, someone who didn't try to work it out, someone who just pushed me away. I realize a lot about her issues and stuff now too, that she has a lot of baggage and personal problems that aren't very common.

 

If my ex ever tried to contact me (I deleted my email address), I would burn the unopened letter, delete the unheard voicemail, etc... I tried to get back together with her but she didn't want to. She just replaced me and thats that. It's time for me to replace her.

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Question for the dumpers really or a dumpee who has experienced this.

Do dumpers come back during NC? I mean do they start initiating contact with you again (regardless of whether they want to get back together or not)

How long does it generally take for them to come back?

And has anyone who's been in a long-term relationship never heard from the dumper again?

 

Im failing miserably at NC. Broke up 9 days ago and ive managed 2 days of NC so far. Im hoping he'll miss me and come back to me if i stay at NC. One of the reasons for the break up was that he needed space so i can understand why he hasnt text me or called so far.

 

I've gone NC on an ex and he contacted me over AIM a couple times when I was online - just to check in with me. He didn't want to get back together.

 

Using NC to make someone miss you and want you back isn't really the goal of NC. Its possible that some people - once they're given a little space - realize that they miss the company of an ex, but that seldom happens.

 

Example:

My boyfriend needed space. We went on a break - we weren't seeing other people, we were just giving ourselves much needed space. No contact for a week while we each did our own thing. In that time he missed me, and realized that he wanted me in his life for certain, and in that time I realized how I was letting some old issues bleed into my current relationship.

 

He didn't break up with me. He never wanted to END things. He just needed space for a little bit.

 

I guess I'm trying to say there's a difference:

Someone can "need space" and not want to date you anymore - thus, a break up.

Someone can "need space" and sincerely need time to do their own thing (over a short period) - and this does not mean a break up will happen.

 

If he ended things on the premise of needing space, it isn't that he needed to do his own thing while loving you. Most likely, its that he needed the relationship to end, and that was the reason he chose to give you.

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Yes every last one of them will come back. The one on the playground that you threw rocks at. That other one that you passed by when you were six years old and stole your hat and your heart. The whole litany of ex's some of whom we'd rather forget. Sadly they will be back only after you've written them out of your life and then you will wonder what you ever saw in them. And they will only come back when they want something from you - whether it is companionship, idle curiosity, assuaging the conscience, or just raunchy sex. Life is cruel in some ways.

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Lol this is funny, I deleted one of my emails too. Blocked and deleted him on chat, and was thinking of changing my number but then thought 'nah, I like my number, it's unique and I'm not throwing it away for him' lol.

When he called a week ago, I listened to the voicemail and deleted it. It felt good =)

I don't really care if he's with anyone now. I've realised I gave him too much credit. I wanted to take some time out to work out his many issues, maybe learn from them, try to slowly change, but I don't think he wants to change yet... So meh. While I'm learning, growing and healing, he's gonna crash and burn very soon bc he'll never get out of that cycle unless he changes. It's not my concern anymore though. I'm onto a new phase in life. I'm so excited!!

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Ya know.....when my ex broke up with me, there was nothing more that I wanted than to believe that he would contact me again someday. I JUST. WANTED. THAT. Nothing more. I wanted to feel that he didn't forget about me, that I was important to him, that he still thought I was a good person, ANY acknowledgment. I got none. He has not made any attempts to contact me at all, and we've been broken up almost a year. The thought of never speaking to him again just KILLED ME in the beginning. I just couldn't imagine it.

 

However, life goes on, and it goes on in a big way if you're headed in the right direction. 8 months ago, I would have never believed it if someone told me that in 8 short months (and they truly did fly right by), I would not only be pretty much healed, but interested in someone else! I honestly couldn't be bothered with my ex anymore, and that's SUCH an AMAZING feeling! I really and truly don't desire him in any way...and I never thought I'd feel that way.

 

OP, I know that this doesn't answer your question, but I was only going to echo what the majority of the others have said. Regardless of what the ex does, moving on is truly the cure for what ails you. It truly, truly is

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