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  1. #1
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
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    Unhappy Boyfriend has poor hygiene

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and as that time has progressed his hygiene has become very bad. I'm getting to the point where I'm grossed out by his lack of care. He doesn't shower often enough for his body odor level, he has very dirty finger nails, his breath can be very bad, and his feet are incredibly horrible smelling. He also has a bad habit of wearing dirty clothes.


    Its very hard for me to deal with this. I am really having a lot of issues with it. I don't want to kiss him because of his breath or be near him because he can be really bad smelling. I have no idea what lead to him being like this.


    I also have a lot of trouble with him not washing his hands when he's been eating greasy food and then touching me. I hate hate hate grease stains on my clothes because I can't afford to buy anything if I have to toss a dress shirt that won't come clean.


    Its hard for me to make an issue of this with him because I really don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm getting to a point where it might just drive me away from him. I have no idea how to broach the subject. I've tried to coax him into the shower with me on multiply occasions, I've tried getting him to wash his sheets more, encourage him to chew gum, and it seems my indirect ways are not working.


    I have asked him to stop doing things in the past, but it was because he was actually hurting me and it was a pretty bad thing for me. That was an easy situation to say “Look this needs to end”, but with this I have no idea where to start or how to avoid hurting him.

  2. #2
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    Eww that sounds repulsive, what a slob. Tell him to clean his act up (literally) or you're gone

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarnelianButterfly View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and as that time has progressed his hygiene has become very bad. I'm getting to the point where I'm grossed out by his lack of care. He doesn't shower often enough for his body odor level, he has very dirty finger nails, his breath can be very bad, and his feet are incredibly horrible smelling. He also has a bad habit of wearing dirty clothes.


    Its very hard for me to deal with this. I am really having a lot of issues with it. I don't want to kiss him because of his breath or be near him because he can be really bad smelling. I have no idea what lead to him being like this.


    I also have a lot of trouble with him not washing his hands when he's been eating greasy food and then touching me. I hate hate hate grease stains on my clothes because I can't afford to buy anything if I have to toss a dress shirt that won't come clean.


    Its hard for me to make an issue of this with him because I really don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm getting to a point where it might just drive me away from him. I have no idea how to broach the subject. I've tried to coax him into the shower with me on multiply occasions, I've tried getting him to wash his sheets more, encourage him to chew gum, and it seems my indirect ways are not working.


    I have asked him to stop doing things in the past, but it was because he was actually hurting me and it was a pretty bad thing for me. That was an easy situation to say “Look this needs to end”, but with this I have no idea where to start or how to avoid hurting him.
    You just have to be straight forward. He cannot read your mind, so just talk to him about it. You can say you care about him and his well being and want him to try to be more cleanly. Tell him you don't want him to continue this bad habit and want him to be more healthy, by keeping his body clean.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
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    I know a direct approach will be the most effective, but I really don't like conflict and its hard for me to speak up.



    He really is a good guy, he's been doing a lot to help me find a job. I feel ungrateful to an extent because of my problems with him not taking care of himself.



    I do not want to be a nagging girlfriend. Our relationship is very easy going and has had very little conflict.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member /Jake/'s Avatar
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    I hope you don't take this in offense, but imo the biggest problem here is you're not being direct & open with him.

    A successful relationship requires open communication.

    When you're hugging him say something along the lines of, "honey? when was the last time you took a shower? you need to take a shower!"

    Half joking start directing him by the shoulders toward the shower.

    He'll get the hint, if not, be even more open about it.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member maalox's Avatar
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    I have a win-win proposition: Drag him into the shower and show him a good time. He'll want to shower more.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Jd1983's Avatar
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    Wow, I would be so turned off by this. Honestly, the sooner you talk to him about this the better.

    You can't expect him to be a mind reader and if there's something that bothers you, you should voice your concerns to him.

    There really is no way to sugarcoat it without him taking it as an offense. Regardless of it all, it is affecting your relationship with him and it needs to be addressed asap.

    Let him know that you really care about him and you want him to start taking care of himself.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maalox View Post
    I have a win-win proposition: Drag him into the shower and show him a good time. He'll want to shower more.
    I have taken him to the shower several times and done just that, but it doesn't work any more. I mention those fun shower activities as a way to coax him in there with me and have end up showering on my own.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
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    He actually washed his sheets this week, its a great relief, his roommate beat me to the punch, though, he complained about the smell. My boyfriend has complained to me in the past that he thinks his roommate has a stupid sensitive sense of smell and gets annoyed when bad odors are brought up. Another one of his friends razzed him pretty badly about the foot odor and my boyfriend said he was self consious. I suggested he buy new shoes that would actually let his feet breathe, he wears close-toed crocs all the time. I just need to get him to the mall where they have crocs with natural fiber uppers.

  11. #10
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    Honestly, I'm more concerned as to what is going on with YOU that you would stay with someone with such disgusting habits. His behavior is NOT normal, and I suspect you have a serious self-esteem issue to tolerate such vileness.

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