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  1. #1
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    Where to Meet a Date - For Introverts

    I bet this thread is overdone, but...well, there's no reason we can't do it again. We' were jsut having this discussion buried in another thread about something entirely unrelatd, and it is a good question.

    Where do introverts find dates, given we don't do the bar/club scene for obvious reasons [those people eat people like us alive] and we can't exactly walk up to people like ourselves and ask them out in bookstores or any random place [we assume to other is creepy, or somehow scare ourselves all the more against that person].

    Now I have heard it said we need to do activities where we expand our social arrangements, but I'm not exactly seeing anything prodictive here. For instance, we could join a sporting club, but for an person like me, I don't enjoy sports, and if I was just to get a date, I'd be playing on false pretence - and in short, the relationship isn't going to last because one of us is lying about who we really are.

    I've been giving online dating a shot - and OkCupid seems to be a good avenue here in the states. Craigslist - stay away, it's a bunch of scammers and * * * * * * . Seriously! I posted one ad, and netted six read SIX scammer replies in two hours. The women posting are playing a differnet game - the "have fun and then never call again" game...so, that's my take on it thus far.

    Anyone have better options for all of us introverts out here? Because there are a lot of us, and you know where to find us! We just aren't too good at finding each other!!!

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  3. #2
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    What are your interests? I'm sure you have hobbies that you could possibly join groups? Volunteer organizations will be an excellent place to get to know people. Sometimes you do have to network through non-dating oriented mindset. The more people you know, the more you expose yourself and start to feel comfortable talking to others, over time someone will notice you or you notice others.

  4. #3
    Gold Member AuthenticAuthor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonewing View Post
    Because there are a lot of us, and you know where to find us! We just aren't too good at finding each other!!!
    Did you just answer your own question? Why not ask other extroverts on where to find introverts? Since looking for introverts is often like looking for a needle in the haystack, it helps to find those who take notice of needles.
    -I am the unchained animal who dares to stare at his creator's face.

  5. #4
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    Haha. I know how you feel. I'm a bit of an introvert. And honestly? It... doesn't bother me AS MUCH as it did before.
    I learned to just relax, and if things happen, they happen.
    For instance, I'm always at the library, or at a bookstore or just doing anything that's alone time for me. I see cute guys all the time, and they see me.
    Before it'd bother me because I'd want to talk to them so bad, but then i thought whats the point, i dont want to creep them out.

    I don't know. For me, I'm just kind of not letting it get to me.

    Or, ask your friends to help you out. You know, networking meeting friends of friends etc. But I totally see what you are saying.

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by AuthenticAuthor View Post
    Did you just answer your own question? Why not ask other extroverts on where to find introverts? Since looking for introverts is often like looking for a needle in the haystack, it helps to find those who take notice of needles.
    Haha, it's DOOMED from the start!!! I don't think the extroverts are going to help us here, because all they know are extrovert activities!! Instant solution - we all need to become Extroverts and do extrovert things! ...aha, exactly!!!

    All right, Zeppelin...this letting things "just happen," that's good. I will say this, it's very rare that I have ever been creeped out by an attractive woman [who I've already myself noticed, as in, one look was not enough!]. It's also not a long list of questions that proceed from "[comments about what's on the shelf]" to "[you want coffee?]."

    I'm not entirely enthused about what my friends may suggest. I've read about it - it can lead to dates which basically consist of "He's single, you're single, perfect!"

    Too bad we can't just wear big signs all the time..."hey, you, talk to me!!' haha! :P

  7. #6
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    Have you tried organized religion?? I find that some religious orders encourage "introverted" members to take part in religious activities. I worked in Southern Utah and since it was remote area, the local Mormons' encouraged my crew to come and take part in one of their celebrations. Say what you want about the "saints" but I was amazed at the beauty of their women. Had no chance in hell but you might.

    I find that my introverted friends tend to find their SO's rather quickly and so far none have divorced or suffered a breakup. Just my observation. Good luck with your search.

  8. #7
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    You know it's estimated that half the population is introverted right? Throw a rock.

    By introverted if you mean socially awkward, shy, then yea those will be difficult approached especially for an introvert.

    Why not approach extroverts? They're alot easier for intro's like us to talk to

  9. #8
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    hehehe...I have about as much luck with a religious group as would a snowflake in hell. I'm educated - aka, heavy science! Which means my religion is Agnosticism, bording closer on Atheism than Theism or Deism.

    We are very good at hiding, and we make it even more difficult by being freaked out when we are approached - ugh.

    Well, I'm going to dinner soon. There's a restaurant I like, my waitress is pretty cute, the steaks are good, it was payday today!

    I'm not too upset about my predicament either, because like I've said, the online dating route has gone a lot better for me than any other way I've ever tried. I've now had 4 dates in two months, and that 4 more dates than I ever had before the first ex. I'm getting better at this - it requires practice, which seems to be the difficult part for other introverts to grasp. We don't get good automatically, we get good by practicing social unawkwardness! Secretly, though, I do believe I'd really appreciate someone who was as equally socially awkward as me - we'd get each other on a level no one else does!

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    lonewing, you have a good point, if anyone wants to try to find a person in a religious group that's fine but they frown heavily on anyone who espouses a truth that doesn't involve jesus.

    However I find it interesting that you have had 4 dates. Wow. I haven't been able to get one. Before and after my ex. Maybe it's the alcohol and the late night but it makes me want to cry to go up and talk to women and ask them out. Yeah probably the alcohol lol

    Online dating sucks unless you have a fat fetish or happen to have some magic ability to attract women. Groups are alright, if the girls aren't single then you're just screwed and wasted your time.

    Problem is I know a lot of guys who are looking at marriage. They just kinda gave up and settled because they can't do any better. One of my friends used to work with me and find ladies. He was so depressed all the time he went back to his ex. The same can't be said for me unless I promise my ex a ring and a walk down the isle.

    My advice? Settle and marry quick. Otherwise suffer the depression and terrible luck of being single in a world where shy people are kicked when they are down.

    Seriously. It doesn't get better. By the time you turn 35 and the good looking women want to marry, they are just done sleeping with 30+ guys and realize that it's just not going to happen any more and decided to settle as well. Settle and merry before you have to suffer.

  11. #10
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    I'd rather wait until I'm 30 and marry a woman who's mind is made up, versus run young and marry a woman who's mind is not yet made. For once she makes it, it's the easiest time to discover she's in the wrong relationship, that she WANTS to have those 30 notches in ehr bed post, that she's changed in an irreconcilable manner. No, better single than scarred for life by a foul woman!

    My area has been good for finding dates - I'm using OKcupid; it's free and the reviews/ratings are good. A dating site created by two mathematicians, not psychologists or date gurus. Basically, it's like facebook - invented by nerds to take over the world! Tere is a bit of mathematics to consider, though. For ever ten messages I send out, I might get a reply to one. It's probably more reliable to say 1:20-25 is a good ratio. From there, you might get a responsive date 1:2 or 1:4. I hate to say it, but getting girls interested is almost as bad as sending junkmail to houses - the response rate is almost identical! My uncle runs a mail shop and based upon past projects, no matter how big or small the mailing is, he experiences a 3-5% return rate on any junkmailer he sends out. Number one, you will have to do well with written communication - the girls on the dating sites control the ropes, most are foolish or unfamiliar with the turf and sit and wait: no doubt, they are overwhelmed with the message flow [I bet their mailboxes fill up in a week] and thus not all that entralled with the experience. There are some girls who have taken the initiative, some out of livelihood [they'd perish if they didn't initiate contact] and a couple who have become wise enough to do their own searching. good pictures are a must, so work onyour visual presentation, find someone who takes good pictures, and have them take a couple -

    I do think you have to be a little tempered in your mind what constitutes "fat." There are indeed quite a few girls who have a couple extra they'd love to hide but can't - but it's not like walking next to a hippopotamus or a small shade tree. Give em the right kind of love [reinforcing the positives, encouraging behavior that diminishes the negatives], they'll lose the weight! ALL humans can gain or lose weight at any time, once they get control of their caloric balance [fat in = fat out, 2000 Calories in = 2000 Calories out just to stay even, OR weight gain!], it's really as simple as that! My ex, once she put her mind to really wanting to live healthier, made great strides in reining in her previously hideous figure. I met her when she was about 195, when she left me she was about 150, and that's not the wosrt of it - about a year before she met me, she was closer to 295...yes, she showed me the picture, and that was indeed a picture that scared me! The point is, though, it can be done!

    My goal is to Settle and marry SMART. I'd much prefer the depresison of being single to the depression of being pinned under a woman I don't even feel much about in the first place because I got her out of convienience. And if you think it's terrible luck to be single in this world of shy people, try image being single and divorced, with three kids upon which you owe child support, to a woman you can't stand giving your hard earned pay. And then no woman wants to date you or give you the time of day because, well, you have babymammadrama.

    THere's this one chick who's been clawing at me this last week for something casual, but...I'm resolved in my heart that going there for me is a bad idea, going there with her is a bad idea, and going there in general, casually, is simply a bad idea altogether! It's bound to lead to an even greater loneliness vaccum on the other side of the relationship once it's over. No, I don't want to be one of those 30 notches on some girl's bedpost! Hopefully Friday goes well - this one's smart...

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