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  1. #1
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    How do I prove I'm changing to my ex boyfriend?

    Ok here goes...
    3 days ago me and my boyfriend broke up. We had been together for 1 year and 11 months so almost 2 years. The reason he broke up with me was because I always started arguements, got into pathetic moods about stupid things that didn't even matter, I always took him for granted. Anyways since then I've been trying to get him back. Twice I have said I will change and I didn't (this was when we was going out) but he doesn't believe I'll change this time because I didn't before. I spoke to him last night on the phone and he was really angry, saying there is no way it was going to happen again cus I keep saying I'll change and I don't. I calmed him down eventually, and said "If i do all the things I've promised to do, is there a possibility we can fix this?" he said there might be but he wants me to prove I can change. He said we can be friends until I have proven that I can change and if I prove I can change there is a chance we could be together again. So right now I am in the process of becoming a better person, I wrote down everything I need to change about myself, and I am doing them one by one and I already feel like I'm making progress.

    The only problem I have is that I don't know how to PROVE I've changed to him? He told me to prove it to myself first; and then prove it to him. I think he will pick up on the way I'm changing if he's around me, and the way I speak to him, but if anyone has any other suggestions about how I can prove I'm changing to him they are welcome

  2. #2
    Bronze Member GenoGeno's Avatar
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    People do not change in three days...trust me. I felt the same thing when my ex broke up with me and was hell bent on changing my ways but to tell you the truth it just made me mess up more trying to change so fast. I wish i had just left things alone now because I'd be a whole lot better off now than I am.
    Last edited by GenoGeno; 10-12-2010 at 11:05 AM.

  3. #3
    Silver Member LarsWB's Avatar
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    Actions, NOT words. That's the only thing that will work....and it will take time. You're going to need a LOT of patience, especially if you're serious and really want this man back in your life. He's right about something - prove it to YOURSELF first, and everything else will fall into place. You might not think he sees, or knows, or pays attentions but believe me he is. Don't try to rush it, don't try to fake it. Change yourself, be patient, and his reactions to you will tell if you things are on track or not. Like I said though; PATIENCE. Let him come to you, give things time to work.
    You have to understand why he's a little gun shy - you said you'd change before and you didn't. He doesn't trust you. THat too comes with your actions from here on out...and time. Good luck to ya.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Listen to Geno, he was in your shoes. The best thing you can do is just to let him go. Don't try to be friends because it's not for the right reasons. It's to "prove" yourself to him and not just spend time and be friends. That puts him in a position of power and you in weakness.

    Really, change on your own and in your own time. You can't change so quickly, as you know.

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  6. #5
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    I don't mean that I am going to change instantly. I know It's gonna take a while, I'm prepared to change however long it takes because I am changing for myself as well as for him. I've only just started to change, I know its going to be a while, but eventually when I have changed my idiotic ways, how do I prove it to him? Or will he just realise I've changed by the way I act around him?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lala12345 View Post
    because I always started arguements, got into pathetic moods about stupid things that didn't even matter, I always took him for granted.
    Was it always your fault though? What made you argue or go into this mood? A lot of times it takes two to tango. It could've been you, him or both.

    But with that said, when you want to prove someone you can be a better partner it takes time. And if you want change, it has to come from within, not because you want him back. Once you got him back then what? Chances are most people will go back to their old habits because the whole goal was to get the person back, not because you want to change your behavior.

    Treat him with respect and love, only time will tell when he sees that you are becoming a different person.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lala12345 View Post
    ... but eventually when I have changed my idiotic ways, how do I prove it to him? Or will he just realise I've changed by the way I act around him?
    This is the least helpful thought to you right now. I completely understand why you are thinking it but you should never try to PROVE you have changed to someone. Show don't tell. When you feel more in control of your reactions, invite him out to talk and just be friendly. If he has questions for you, he'll ask. But the worst thing you can do is tell him "I've changed" because real change emanates without a single word.

  9. #8
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    I've known for a while I need to change my ways. I'm not just doing it to be with him again, I'm doing it because I NEED to change how I act with people. I'm not going to fall into old habits again because I'm changing for myself not just for my ex. I'm taking my time to change, because I know it takes time. I agree with you LarsWB, it is going to take patience, a lot of it, but I know if I'm changing for myself I'm going to be a happier person

  10. #9
    Bronze Member mybunnyslipperz's Avatar
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    If this is who you are, then it is impossible to really CHANGE in 3 days, 3 weeks or even 3 months. Real change takes time. Time to formulate a plan and carry it out. These types of "changes" are part of your personality and they are what make you, YOU. The fact that you should not have to CHANGE for any person, except yourself, aside... the best you could hope to do in this situation, at least short-term, is to create habits for the opposite behaviors to those you wish to change. A habit takes 30 days of consecutive successful practice to achieve. If you no longer took him for granted and made it a point show appreciation for him, successfully, every day for 30 days, then you will have developed the habit of appreciating him. You would then have to work beyond that to actually inact true change... which could take months or even years. I wish you luck.
    Strength is a funny thing... oftentimes we aren't nearly as strong as we *thought* we were - while simultaniously being way stronger than we ever imagined we could be...

  11. #10
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    Right now you're honestly in a confused state. As much as you think you aren't, you really are..

    How do I know this? Because one post the main subject is your ex, and you asking how can you PROVE XYZ. The next post it's all about you and you understanding that you need to change, and are taking the steps, etc. All posts being within 1 day, actually, within 1 hour!

    As someone who's been there on BOTH ends (both having an ex beg and plead and attempt to prove, and me as well begging toward another ex and pleading that I've changed); you have to understand/focus on only one thing: You.

    MUCH easier said than done!! Sure you're replying to everyone (all of which has amazing advice!) that you understand you must focus on yourself. But it really takes much more than that. You have to let it burn. Honestly. My advice? Here:

    Step 1. No Contact. COMPLETE NO CONTACT. Try it for 1 week. No text/FB, ANYTHING.. See how much it hurts or feels to not hear or see or speak to him at all. WHEN (not if) it begins to really hurt and you want to give in, come to us! And we can move on to step 2.

    2. This is where you're really tested on how much you're willing to change/become a better person.. When I was burning over my past relationship, one of my friends told me something that I will never forget, and hopefully it helps you: "You have to at least ATTEMPT to be the best you, that you can be. The original you that attracted her. The happy, outgoing, go-lucky, no drama/argumentative you. Right now you're all balled up in pain, trying to make her see you've changed, or begging for her back, telling her you will do anything. She holds the power, you have nothing. She doesn't want nothing, so she will never come back to you like this. In fact, she feels sorry for you, pities you even... When you slowly make your way out of the pain and become a better you, it will become both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because when you DO get over it all, and you ARE enjoying life and not causing arguments/drama, you will LOVE the new you. A blessing. However, you might not want that old person back, if for fear alone of going 'backwards'. A Curse." I certainly agree with SideHop... Perhaps SOME of frustrations/anger were legitimate? Who knows. But if it helps you realize that you need to get over this person and move on, then push yourself to understanding, and TRULY believing, this change is solely for yourself, and not for him.

    It can REALLY be as easy as 1, 2 NO 3. However many people tend to naturally make it much more difficult... I will tell you this much, however. From the MANY MANY ENA posts/testimonies, as well from my own personal. Once you've completed Step 1 and 2, SUCCESSFULLY... Life changes so much that the rest of the steps don't even matter. When I crossed Step 2, any ex that I was running and begging to be around, have found their ways back to me and trying to hangout/socialize, etc. and perhaps even entertain the idea of reconciliation. At this point you hold the power again, and when you've reached that point, you probably won't be back on these forums (hope you do!); but hopefully you will remember today, as well as truly embrace the feeling you have at that time, and how good.. GREAT it feels, and never go back down the same path again.

    If you do it any other way, you will just repeat history all over again. It's not about HOW you can prove it to him. It isn't.... When you REALLY have changed... He will notice. Whether he's dating Beyonce or Angelina Jolie... he will notice... And you will know about it too Trust.....

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