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Cheating during a long-term relationship isn't as bad as doing it within a marriage.....


yeawutever

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Apart from the STD or pregnancy spreadings (let's take away that for a moment), why do some people get so emotionally to the point of not eating, depressed for days, or develop trusting issues if they weren't even engaged to that person.

 

I can understand if it's a fiance(e) you're planning on living with, sharing income taxes and even forming a family after getting married but a boyfriend/girlfriend??

 

First, if it's only a relationship there was nothing other than feelings bonding you to that person. What I meant by nothing is financial cost, a house, payments, children, etc.

 

Second, you can break up at anytime if you're only dating but it'll be very difficult once married or if you had the marriage date, already bought the house, ring, etc.... only to have this happening to you.

 

Third, I know cheating is still wrong either way but it isn't as devastating as betrayal after a marriage. If they cheat while on your relationship, so what? You might take your anger and energy yelling at them or sending them to hell, telling them it's over but once it's over with, it's done... easily (unlike in marriages, you would need to file for divorce, get a lawyer, etc.).

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I think cheating in any relationship (legally married or not) is just as bad. It doesn't matter what title you put on your relationship - you two are committed to each other and a part of that is being faithful. There may not be as much financial or legal or whatever complications for a break up, but a break up is a break up. There is still a lot of emotional attachment, history, time spent, etc. that cannot be repaired. And the hurt is still the same. For some, it's not so easy to walk away from a person you've invested so much time and emotions in. You can't measure "which is worse" based solely on money alone.

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I think cheating in any relationship (legally married or not) is just as bad. It doesn't matter what title you put on your relationship - you two are committed to each other and a part of that is being faithful. There may not be as much financial or legal or whatever complications for a break up, but a break up is a break up. There is still a lot of emotional attachment, history, time spent, etc. that cannot be repaired. And the hurt is still the same. For some, it's not so easy to walk away from a person you've invested so much time and emotions in. You can't measure "which is worse" based solely on money alone.
I guess I'm only stating this from my point of view. Though I have never been cheated on (not that I know of), I'm not the type of woman that would go cry for months over a loser. I was always taught that if you fall down, you stand up again, wipe the dirt off yourself and go on as if nothing happen.

 

When I broke up with my boyfriend (it wasn't cheating but something else I didn't tolerate either) it was easy and a relieve for me. Perhaps the following day I felt a bit weird but afterwards it was nothing.

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I think cheating is bad whether you are just bf/gf or actually married or engaged. Its still cheating. I agree that if you were married cheating was involved, it would be harder to recover as you could have a house, money and children all invovled. It would be harder to walk away quicker..

 

That said tho, i dont think it hurts any less just because you are not married. You have still made a commitment to that person and they broke it. I think its just as easy to cry if you or if you arn't married. The trust was broken. A relationship has been broken. Either Way it hurts.

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which is worse?

 

Being with someone for 8 years, never married, and finding out they cheated?

 

Or being with someone for 1 year, married, and finding out they cheated?

I can't really answer that because I wouldn't stay with a man that long without any engagement date. My time limit would have long expired by the 2nd year and he would be my ex already but if I were to choose which one is worst, I'll still go for the second time. Though it was only 1 year of marriage, there will be more complications within that short time.

On the first example, yes you'll never get back those years and your youth got wasted on a loser but sometimes it's the person's fault for staying too long on a dead-end relationship and ignoring the signs. There are always hints when someone is cheating or has become bored in the relationship.

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The reason you don't understand the anguish is because you haven't been in this situation....

What if you wanted to marry this person? What if you wanted to have children with them? What if you don't even believe in marriage (like I for one), yet thought this person to be your one true love?

No logic

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When someone destroys your trust, it's your heart that's broken.

 

Your house's heart isn't broken, nor is your bank account's heart broken.

 

Exactly. When someone cheats on you even if you are not sharing a house, children and finances, it cuts to the core. You trusted that person, believed in that person, told your inner most thoughts to that person and then they go and betray you by being emotionally and/or physically intimate with someone else. It is not a simple matter of saying "well, that person is a jerk" and then walk away as if you just simply fell down and had a little scrape on your knee. It shatters your trust, it shatters your hopes and dreams, it turns the whole relationship you had with the person into a lie and it has an huge impact on your ability to trust partners in the future. Along with cheating goes lying, telling the partner they were one place when they were actually at another place having sex with the other person, sometimes getting together and sleeping in the same bed mere hours after they have had sex with the other person. The deception and feeling like the person treated you like a fool can be very hard to get over.

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Being cheated on by someone you love is the worst pain in the world. It destroys a piece of you, no matter how long you've been together.

 

The only difference between married and not is the clean-up you have to do afterwards. It's much easier if you're not tied financially/legally. Emotionally is another thing alltogether.

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I honestly don't understand the OP's concept of committed relationship vs. marriage in this topic.

 

Infidelity is a way of completely destroying the foundation of any trusted relationship. It ruins the relationship, destroys the victim inside and no matter what the outcome is, it'll never be the same. Aside from the legal complications involved when infidelity happens in marriage, you do such devastating damage to the victim in long term it's outright emotional abuse.

 

I rather fall on my face than getting cheated on.

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I honestly don't understand the OP's concept of committed relationship vs. marriage in this topic.

 

Infidelity is a way of completely destroying the foundation of any trusted relationship. It ruins the relationship, destroys the victim inside and no matter what the outcome is, it'll never be the same. Aside from the legal complications involved when infidelity happens in marriage, you do such devastating damage to the victim in long term it's outright emotional abuse.

 

I rather fall on my face than getting cheated on.

 

I agree. OP - when a best friend betrays your trust does it hurt less because it's "just a friend" and you have no financial or family ties? Maybe over time you can rationalize that but when it happens the feelings aren't tempered by "oh she was just a best friend not a boyfriend".

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I honestly don't understand the OP's concept of committed relationship vs. marriage in this topic.

 

Infidelity is a way of completely destroying the foundation of any trusted relationship. It ruins the relationship, destroys the victim inside and no matter what the outcome is, it'll never be the same. Aside from the legal complications involved when infidelity happens in marriage, you do such devastating damage to the victim in long term it's outright emotional abuse.

 

I rather fall on my face than getting cheated on.

 

I know yeawhatever doesn't think that you're exclusive until marriage, or something like that. So, that may have to do with it.

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That's really silly. Marriage is basically just a long term relationship with a ring, maybe a house, joined bank accounts, etc. None of those things matter when it comes to your heart.

 

You can be in a committed relationship with someone (like my aunt and her boyfriend) for 20 years, but neither of you want to be married. They have children and a life together, and I'm sure if either cheated, it would be devastating. Do you think it's worse in a marriage just because you may share material things? I don't really understand your point of view.

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I know yeawhatever doesn't think that you're exclusive until marriage, or something like that. So, that may have to do with it.
Well I guess it's quite hard for me to understand those who are longer than 4 years into a relationship since marriage is a must for me on my list and I wouldn't wait too long for a man to tell me when he's ready.

As far as being exclusive, this means you're with a person and both have agreed on not seeing others. I know cheating does hurt and suck either way but I would be able to handle a break-up way better than a divorce.

Being inexperience when my now ex boyfriend met me, my first break-up wasn't too hard for me so I figure if there was another break-up, it'll be easy too.

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It's easy to talk like that when you haven't been cheated on. I can tell you now its a devastating thing to happen to a person, based on how I myself reacted to it, and I probably am one of the milder cases. You don't have to have a document to know that when you look in someone's eyes and an intense feeling of love overwhelms you, that you love that person. Then when they cheat, you can see how painful that will be. And we all know emotional pain is much, MUCH worse than physical pain. Stab me with a knife and I'll heal (assuming its not a fatal wound). But when you cheat on me, it never goes away. People have committed suicide over these things. It's not a joke.

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Well I guess it's quite hard for me to understand those who are longer than 4 years into a relationship since marriage is a must for me on my list and I wouldn't wait too long for a man to tell me when he's ready.

As far as being exclusive, this means you're with a person and both have agreed on not seeing others. I know cheating does hurt and suck either way but I would be able to handle a break-up way better than a divorce.

Being inexperience when my now ex boyfriend met me, my first break-up wasn't too hard for me so I figure if there was another break-up, it'll be easy too.

 

Didn't you broke up with a guy you weren't in love with and hadn't been in love with for several months (maybe longer?)? At one point you were just using him to get into the USA and you admitted that.

 

So, I would not expect it that the break up was that sudden or distressing for you.

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Didn't you broke up with a guy you weren't in love with and hadn't been in love with for several months (maybe longer?)? At one point you were just using him to get into the USA and you admitted that.

 

So, I would not expect it that the break up was that sudden or distressing for you.

I was going to break it off a long while ago but my parents kept insisting on being patient and see if he'll help me with the papers. He kept stringing me along obviously inventing whatever excuse to postpone it till I send him to hell. Alright so yes both my parents and I were using him as a tool.

At some point I was really in love and wanted to marry him for real (he was suppose to come to my country and then we would have our wedding). He kept saying he would but no actual date. It started off as being for real but then as the time slip by and I slowly lost interest in him due to his broken promises, neglectful behavior at first and bringing nothing but problems with my parents, it then became phony....

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