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Thread: My girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a break

  1. #1

    My girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a break

    Hi, this is my first time here. I didn't know where to go or who I could talk to about this. My girlfriend just dropped a bomb on me saying that she loves me so much but doesn't enjoy sex with me.

    A little back story on this though is that im older than her she's 22 I'm 26 and this is the second time we've been dating. The first time we dated we broke up after 3 years because I was being an ass and controlling. We didn't see each other for a few months. In that time I worked on myself physically, mentally and emotionally. I reached out and we started hanging out as friends which turned to friends with benefits and then boyfriend and girlfriend. It's been over a year now and things were great. No fights, she told me she loved me constantly, I was always confident, I gave her all the space she needed and I was always supportive.

    Now she just drops this bomb out of nowhere and I never saw it coming. Right now she is worried about where her life is going, if she'll get a job and has been really depressed about a lot of things. She said she is afraid of commitment and that recently the sex hasn't been good. But she says she doesn't know what to do or what she's feeling because she loves me. She said that she wishes she had met me later on in her life because i'm the guy she should marry.

    So I agreed that we should go on a break for about a month. I didn't beg, I didn't cry. We agreed that we wouldn't talk for the first week. After that if she wanted to talk to me she could contact me anytime. She says she doesn't want to date other people. And no having sex with anyone else otherwise that's the decision that you don't want to be with the other person.

    Thank you for any advice you can give me and I'm sorry for the long post but I don't know who to talk to.

  2. #2

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    If she contacts you after the first week, just tell her to continue no contact until she makes a decision. Meanwhile don't have sex with anyone, but start trying to date other women and see what's out there.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    I hate breaks, if someone needs time away from you, as far as im concerned, they arent the one for you. They shouldnt have to evaluate whether your worth being with or not, theres so many people that would WANT to be with you and not be so confused.

    Yes she has a lot going on, but partners are there to help eachother through tough times, she doesnt need to run away.

    Personally, I'd take it as a break up, use the month as a start to getting over her, if she comes back, great. If not, you'll be on the road to healing.

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    Platinum Member d24's Avatar
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    Thread: My girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a break

    I'm reading this through and all I'm thinking is:

    Thread: My girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a break so she can have sex with some other guy who she's starting to get a thing for and wants to keep me in reserve in case it doesn't work out

    ....... I could be wrong though
    "You act as though you haven't seen trees bow to an unborn child before?"

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    On the one hand...it's my understanding that for women, sex begins with emotion and that pretty much sets the tone for the physical. Perhaps you aren't the reason its not been so good,maybe its her anxiety and bouts of depression.
    On the other hand...there are those rare moments when male/female communication overlaps so perfectly,there is no confusion. Dr.John Gray uses the example of nothing being wrong: woman asks "what's wrong?" man replies "nothing." translation...nothings wrong
    man asks "what's wrong?" woman replies"nothing." translation... I have a problem but I don't think you really care,ask me some more to show your genuine interest.
    Rare are the times when the two overlap and both parties are in agreement over the meaning of what was said. Perhaps your GF really meant what she said the way she said it. It's possible she sees the two of you together in an on and off way and wants to make sure she'll not miss out on anything but committing. I like the advice you've been given so far though, I'd take it if I were you, I only sought to provide a little insight

  7. #6
    Platinum Member testcase's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d24 View Post
    Thread: My girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a break

    I'm reading this through and all I'm thinking is:

    Thread: My girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a break so she can have sex with some other guy who she's starting to get a thing for and wants to keep me in reserve in case it doesn't work out

    ....... I could be wrong though
    That is exactly what I thought when I read it. On the money d24. You really have to be careful to hold on to hope. I take a break as a breakup, and not wanting to break to date other people as there is someone I'm already interested in. People hate breaking up, so most of the time they bend their words to make YOU feel better... Please don't wait around for her.

  8. #7
    These are some really good opinions right now. I appreciate all the advice. I'm just really confused at if it's over. I'm not sure if i should have just broken up with her on the spot or if a break was the right thing to do.

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    Honestly, this to me sounds pretty obvious. She is 22. She is feeling like she is missing out by being in long term. She WANTS to date other guys. That's what this break and possible break up is all about, for her to experience other guys.

  10. #9

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    After rethinking it, I do think you should've broken up with her on the spot. I also think you should give her a call and break up with her or wait for her to call you and break up with her.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member oldenoughtoknow's Avatar
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    I agree. Breaks are the chicken's way of breaking up. Start your process of moving on and find a few women to casually date. When she calls in a month to drop the other shoe, you'll be ready for it.

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